Suffragette1 Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Firstly, ask yourself this: do you still love him? If you don't then you may as well call it a day, unless you have children and may wish to reconsider. It doesn't sound as if you have any spare time to think things through, try amnd take some time out to work out what it is that you really want. Much as though your commitment to your mum is laudable, I think that you need to start putting yourself and your marriage first. There must be some kind of compromise. Do you have any siblings? Could you arrange for social services to do some of the caring that you're doing? Look into getting a part-time carer. The marital scenario that you have outlined is the classic recipe for drifting apart. To be honest, if I were your husband, I'd be quite pee'd off, despite the fact that your time away is for purely altruistic reasons. Moving into your mother's, if hubby is feeling even remotely resentful which I'm sure that he is, will exacerbate thiongs and probably be the beginning of the end. My advice would be to stay where you are and talk about how to reconnect and make more of an effort to spend some quality time together, rather than passing ships in the night when you're neither one of you on form. Is there any chance of taking a weekend break somewhere? As for him seeing a kiss/hug etc as a precursor to sex, aren't all men the same on the score?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GOB! Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 As for him seeing a kiss/hug etc as a precursor to sex, aren't all men the same on the score?! Yes we are... and if you wimmin' ever gorm that you might start getting somewhere! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halibut Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 As for him seeing a kiss/hug etc as a precursor to sex, aren't all men the same on the score?! No they aren't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyfriday Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Firstly, ask yourself this: do you still love him? If you don't then you may as well call it a day, unless you have children and may wish to reconsider. It doesn't sound as if you have any spare time to think things through, try amnd take some time out to work out what it is that you really want. Much as though your commitment to your mum is laudable, I think that you need to start putting yourself and your marriage first. There must be some kind of compromise. Do you have any siblings? Could you arrange for social services to do some of the caring that you're doing? Look into getting a part-time carer. The marital scenario that you have outlined is the classic recipe for drifting apart. To be honest, if I were your husband, I'd be quite pee'd off, despite the fact that your time away is for purely altruistic reasons. Moving into your mother's, if hubby is feeling even remotely resentful which I'm sure that he is, will exacerbate thiongs and probably be the beginning of the end. My advice would be to stay where you are and talk about how to reconnect and make more of an effort to spend some quality time together, rather than passing ships in the night when you're neither one of you on form. Is there any chance of taking a weekend break somewhere? As for him seeing a kiss/hug etc as a precursor to sex, aren't all men the same on the score?!NO!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ sheffield Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 In all fairness, you could be the brightest man on the planet, and still would be a million miles from beginning to understand the workings of a woman's mind In all fairness Flowersfade may be the brightest man on the planet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghostrider Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 As for him seeing a kiss/hug etc as a precursor to sex, aren't all men the same on the score?! And women THINK they know what goes on in a blokes mind Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonbird Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I agree with a lot that you say Suffragette1, I think that the OP needs some help with her responsibilities. OP you have had an awful lot to deal with lately, and it is bound to have worn you down, having been through a lot of this myself this year I know just how emotionally exhausting it is, and it leaves you without the emotional energy to put into other relationships. I think its time to step back and look at things afresh, imagine that you were looking at a friends life from the outside, what would you say to them? both you and your Husband sound tired and worn down and need to take stock and re-evaluate things, to look at each other anew. Would it be possible to perhaps have a weekend away? just the 2 of you to just be the people that you are and remember just why you fell in love in the first place. It is such a difficult time for you both I really hope that you manage to work things out together and be happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dear Forum... Posted October 18, 2011 Author Share Posted October 18, 2011 We sat down last night to discuss the situation. He agreed that we have problems as I've been snapping at him. He said he loves me to bits but doesnt know how to show it as he doesn't do emotion. My mum is disabled and needs me to care for her. I don't have any other family that could help. I thought about getting a carer for my mum but even if I did that he would still be in the pub so I'd be home cleaning etc. I don't want to stay if it's just for security and comfortableness, but I also don't want to throw away 13 years that I've worked hard for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Star Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 We sat down last night to discuss the situation. He agreed that we have problems as I've been snapping at him. He said he loves me to bits but doesnt know how to show it as he doesn't do emotion. My mum is disabled and needs me to care for her. I don't have any other family that could help. I thought about getting a carer for my mum but even if I did that he would still be in the pub so I'd be home cleaning etc. I don't want to stay if it's just for security and comfortableness, but I also don't want to throw away 13 years that I've worked hard for. So when you are having tea with your mum, your husband is in the pub - and even if you were at home having tea, he would still be in the pub? Doesn't 'do emotion' sounds like a cop out of actually explaining how he feels... What has changed in the last 24 months? Or did you marry to try to revive a bad relationship? People have married for less... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyfriday Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 We sat down last night to discuss the situation. He agreed that we have problems as I've been snapping at him. He said he loves me to bits but doesnt know how to show it as he doesn't do emotion. My mum is disabled and needs me to care for her. I don't have any other family that could help. I thought about getting a carer for my mum but even if I did that he would still be in the pub so I'd be home cleaning etc. I don't want to stay if it's just for security and comfortableness, but I also don't want to throw away 13 years that I've worked hard for. Can you cast your mind back to a time when you were both happy with each other? Has he never been able to do 'emotion'? He must at some stage been able to give you what you need or you wouldn't have managed to stay together this long...focus on those positive elements of your relationship from the past and the present. Yes, things may well have changed but intrinsically you're still the same people, so try to re-kindle the environment that made you feel good about each other, it may involve a temporary suspension of reality but it could work in the long term when you actually start believing it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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