Sidla Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 I've not been in that situation, but if I was I'm fairly sure I wouldn't tell the girlfriend that her partner was cheating. The reasons are that a) it's none of my business and b) I would lose friendship with a good friend because I grassed him up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin_s Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 I can't really comment on how to avoid doing it, if you find you cheat on partners a lot but I do find it more than a little interesting about the idea that guys are the main culprits.... I have a LOT of female friends and the incidence of infidelity amongst them is pretty much comparable... They've just been a lot more successful at hiding or controlling the outcome than the guys... This is certainly not a guy only thing by any stretch of the imagination... Don't believe the hype... Any relationship takes work, trust and more work.. it helps if you really like the person in question though.. the rest is down to will power. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
max Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Good points martin. In 4 couples I know whose relationships have broken down it was the female partner who initiated the breakdown. In each of the 4 it was subsequently discovered that they had all cheated on their husbands. Perhaps I only know men who cannot keep thier partners interested but I doubt it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaBouncer Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 My Ex (long term) cheated on me with someone at work (I didn't cheat). So that ended our relationship. I know a girl where I used to work who was regularly cheating on her bloke. She loves her bloke, but he doesn't do 'it' for her in the bedroom so to speak! So it does work both ways! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belle Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 I think people who are unfaithful do it because they are not sufficiently happy and fulfilled with their existing partner. If you really love someone and have a close and intimate relationship with them (intimate as in exchanging secrets and sharing closely) then you dont even notice anyone else in a sexual way. If your relationship however is pleasant but a little dull and you dont talk much, you dont share with each other and it isnt really fulfilling then you are very much more likely to stray Boredom is probably the most powerful factor (I dont count drunken snogs, especially if it was a one-off. Not unless they then start exchanging texts and emails and stuff when sober....) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steelblade Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Ok then another question. Do you think it's possible to get over the cheating and make the relationship work? I know some of you have said you don't class a drunken snog as cheating, unfortunatly I do and having witnessed the act it hurts beyond believe, but we have been together through thick and think for 7 years. I don't want to give up and throw it all away but how I can even trust him again I just don't know. Some people tell me to move on and forget it him because he'll only end up making me look stupid again while others think that it can be worked out, what do you think? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin_s Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by steelblade Ok then another question. Do you think it's possible to get over the cheating and make the relationship work? It depends on both of you... The issue is one of trust... If you both work to forgive and regain that trust without setting massive boundaries/walls around a relationship then it might work... Personally, I'd find it very hard depending on the why's and whererfor's of what had happened.. Sometimes it's a cry for attention that means literally nothing.. or a massive mistake.. other times it may be just a sign that it's all dead and buried.. At the end of the day though... if there's no trust, it's probably best to quit and move on... not that that's ever a simple proposition. Best of luck in your decision... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jamie Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 steelblade ... at the end of the day ... you have to respect yourself more than you do anyone esle ... no matter how much you feel for them. it's not always easy to konw when something is over at it's time to let go and move on ... only you can answer that question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belle Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Steelblade You are in a crap situation and one that is NOT of your own making You dont want to throw away seven years with someone you trusted and who you love, all those shared memories but you dont want to be torn up and hurt and to keep on remembering the disloyalty either You wouldnt have to of course, if he had behaved himself. However, the situation is now in existence and you have to make some decisions There are only two choices and only you can make the decision 1. You forgive and more importantly you FORGET so that you arent tortured any more and you dont have to keep going through his pockets and reading his texts and all that - which makes you feel crap and believe me that is not where you want to be. or 2. You know you cant forgive and forget and you fear you WILL do the checking up stuff, in which case you have to finish with him. Figures show that most long-term partners in your situation take a chance on staying together. What I dont know unfortunately is whether it gets back to being good again in time. So that is my advice, if you are a forgetter then keep him, if your nature is to bear grudges or dwell on past hurts, then he will have to go - and it wont ever have been your fault - and you will get over it eventually Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lou Posted January 8, 2004 Share Posted January 8, 2004 Originally posted by DaBouncer I know a girl where I used to work who was regularly cheating on her bloke. She loves her bloke, but he doesn't do 'it' for her in the bedroom so to speak! So it does work both ways! I agree. I realise the scenarios I listed above were guys that were cheating. I also have a female friend who had several boyfriends and cheated on all of them. Now she's married and has been strictly faithful which surprised us all! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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