sheff1johnny Posted November 3, 2011 Share Posted November 3, 2011 I know it needs improving, but any ideas will be appreciated. Story (.docx format) Story (.doc format) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Blanco Posted November 9, 2011 Share Posted November 9, 2011 Hi sheff1johnny. I enjoyed reading it. I particularly liked some of the ideas contained in your story. The piece has quite a languid feel, which perhaps reflects the melancholy aspect of the story, but I wonder if it also lessens the impact. I wonder how the story might look written in the first person from Nigel's point of view. Did you consider that? As with your previous story I found it very interesting and will continue to mull it over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheff1johnny Posted November 10, 2011 Author Share Posted November 10, 2011 Hi Ron, funny you should say that, I have just tried that, and I have to admit it works better than in the thrid person. Well I'll let you have a look and see if you agree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheff1johnny Posted November 10, 2011 Author Share Posted November 10, 2011 Hi Ron I did try doing it in the third person, and it does seem to work a little better. Well I'll see if you agree. http://sheffieldwriters.ath.cx/SFStoryArchive/1320924323.doc I may have actually uploaded properly this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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