A poll on attitudes to pornography

[Jessica23]

I agree, however, too many people make too many assumptions based on the gender stereotypes and couples (casual/new and established) tend not to discuss a lot of these issues up front. I think that women, up until a generation or two ago, felt that if they appeared too keen at the outset to indulge in pre-marital sex, the man in question would consider her to be some kind of 'slag', so some kind of faux protest was expected of them.

 

Yes, I agree, and you still get that today in ridiculous books like The Rules, which suggest (I think - I wouldn't read it with someone else's eyes) that you wait three days before replying to text messages and never sleep with people on a first date and so on.

 

The couples not discussing things like this up front is what worries me, though. From my perspective, if you aren't capable of having a conversation about (a) sexual health/contraception and (b) what your limits and boundaries might be, before you even get your clothes off, you shouldn't be having sex at all.

[Conrod]

The number of men who believe that a woman has consented to sex when she perceives that she has been raped, in reported cases, is disturbing.

Could that be re-worded 'The number of women who cry rape when they've sobered up and feel cheap after their actions the night before, is disturbing' ?

[Halibut]

Could that be re-worded 'The number of women who cry rape when they've sobered up and feel cheap after their actions the night before, is disturbing' ?

 

I suppose it could if one's the kind of bloke who thinks 'drunk woman = fair game'.

[Conrod]

I suppose it could if one's the kind of bloke who thinks 'drunk woman = fair game'.

So you've always limited your physical encounters to sober people (women, that is)?

[Jessica23]

The legal definition of consent is agreeing by choice, where one has the freedom and capacity to make that choice.

 

Take that information and act on it as you see fit, I suppose.

[Suffragette1]

Yes, I agree, and you still get that today in ridiculous books like The Rules, which suggest (I think - I wouldn't read it with someone else's eyes) that you wait three days before replying to text messages and never sleep with people on a first date and so on.

 

The couples not discussing things like this up front is what worries me, though. From my perspective, if you aren't capable of having a conversation about (a) sexual health/contraception and (b) what your limits and boundaries might be, before you even get your clothes off, you shouldn't be having sex at all.

 

Agreed. Both of the above disturb me greatly.

 

Could that be re-worded 'The number of women who cry rape when they've sobered up and feel cheap after their actions the night before, is disturbing' ?

 

That is utter <insert expletive here>. I will accept that a tiny minority of women may do this, however, that vast majority of reported cases of aquaintance rape are where a man has totally misread the situation and refused to take no for an answer. I've encountered a lot of men in my time who have mistaken friendliness for sexual interest and have made an unwelcome and uninvited pass. Take this one stage further where harmless flirting and a bit of banter may have taken place, or not even, and the whole situation has been totally misunderstood by the male. Hell, some men even think that when you ignore them or are unfriendly that you're just playing hard to get.

[Halibut]

So you've always limited your physical encounters to sober people (women, that is)?

 

No, and neither have you - alcohol is a great social lubricant.

 

Nevertheless some men can and do assume that 'so drunk I can't say no' means 'help yourself'.

[Conrod]

That is utter <insert expletive here>. I will accept that a tiny minority of women may do this, however, that vast majority of reported cases of aquaintance rape are where a man has totally misread the situation and refused to take no for an answer. I've encountered a lot of men in my time who have mistaken friendliness for sexual interest and have made an unwelcome and uninvited pass. Take this one stage further where harmless flirting and a bit of banter may have taken place, or not even, and the whole situation has been totally misunderstood by the male. Hell, some men even think that when you ignore them or are unfriendly that you're just playing hard to get.

This subject has come up before, and I've discussed it with Police fiends, both male and female.

The scenario I mentioned is very common among rape accusations.

[Conrod]

No, and neither have you - alcohol is a great social lubricant.

 

Nevertheless some men can and do assume that 'so drunk I can't say no' means 'help yourself'.

And they'd be rapists, but they're not as common as women who get giddy drunk but totally in control of their faculties and the situation, lead a man to bed, feel dirty in the morning and decide (perhaps subconsciously convincing themselves) that rape took place.

[Halibut]

And they'd be rapists, but they're not as common as women who get giddy drunk but totally in control of their faculties and the situation, lead a man to bed, feel dirty in the morning and decide (perhaps subconsciously convincing themselves) that rape took place.

 

Are you claiming that false claims of rape outweigh genuine claims of rape?

I do believe you are. How extraordinary.

 

What next? Rape within marriage isn't possible?