cgksheff Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 ........ But, you have to live your life for yourself, ......... ... and there you have it. Selfish attitudes that make society what it is. I'm not saying that they have to stay with the wrong person, but ... What about the pleasure and satisfaction that you can have in life by giving regard to how your actions affect other people. Look closer at what has built your bond with the one you may be leaving. Look closer at why you no longer want to be with them and be sure that if you are not losing more (usually long-term) than you can gain (usually short-term). Then if you have to go, do it with respect and compassion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denlin Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 Follow your temptations. Better to do it now rather than when you are married. Besides, it does not sound like you are getting married any time soon, so, do you want to spend all the time in between wondering. Also, just because you are betrothed to someone does not mean that you will marry them anyway. They may change their mind about you. Or, like a vast amount of marraiges, you may end up getting divorced anyway. Just because you have agreed to marry someone now, does not mean that this will be so. I hear so many puritanical people saying how evil it is let your mind wonder about someone else, yet, we are living in the real world here. It does happen. Don't beat yourself up about it. I am not saying treat your partner like dirt. But, you have to live your life for yourself, and, even if you do just that, it does not make you some evil monster.....it means that you are human. And you think that makes it okay, you and OP are going to be sad, lonely individuals, the grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence:roll: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jodiejdolly Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 why does love hurt? ASK YOU PARTNER WHEN THEY FIND OUT WHAT YOUR UP TO !!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babooshka Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 It's not a question of the grass being greener or not. The grass is just a different shade of green. If the OP feels like this now, it is better to pursue it now, rather than stew on it, get married, and THEN really screw up a load of people's life. There is nothing selfish about being true to yourself. It impossible to go through life without hurting people. If it were so, we would stay with the first person we met. This is real life. If you pretend to be something and someone you are not, it will be you who ends up lost, confused and lonely, probably spiralling in to some sort of depression, and hurting those around you in the process. I am not saying do it in a sneaky, malicious way, but is wanting to be someone else such a heinous crime? Why would pursuing your feelings make you sad and lonely in life? I guess it depends on your definition of lonely. I have been lonely in a relationship. They are not even married. Relationships come and go. That is just the way of the world. What if the OP had written this: ' I feel so bad. I was with my fiancee, but I met and fell in love with another person. We are truly happy, and I realise that this is the person for me. I am sorry I hurt my ex, but I could not live a lie anymore'. It's the same model, just wearing different clothes. Would you call them selfish then? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Isabelle Posted December 12, 2011 Share Posted December 12, 2011 I think if you have had thoughts about looking elsewhere, you must not be happy in your current relationship, whether you already know this or not on some level. It's probably not a good idea to leave your partner for someone else, you may just end up being disappointed and unhappy. To quote Rihanna "life's too short to be sitting around miserable" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunnyboiler Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 ... and there you have it. Selfish attitudes that make society what it is. I'm not saying that they have to stay with the wrong person, but ... What about the pleasure and satisfaction that you can have in life by giving regard to how your actions affect other people. Look closer at what has built your bond with the one you may be leaving. Look closer at why you no longer want to be with them and be sure that if you are not losing more (usually long-term) than you can gain (usually short-term). Then if you have to go, do it with respect and compassion. Wise words. well said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FANAdeLdF Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 It's been half a year. How are things going, Copenhagen ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RootsBooster Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 I've been with a long term partner who I thought I loved. We aren't married but are planning to do so in the next few years. I have however been increasingly attracted to another who I work with. You think you love your partner but you're attracted to someone at work? Isn't that normal for many people? The problem is when you act on your attraction (thinking the grass is greener on the other side) and it goes nipples-up, then you realise not only did you think you loved your partner, you DO love your partner, but now it's too late and she's had enough of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amaranthus Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 Take your colleague completely out of the equation; do you still want to be with your partner? Does he make you happy? Could you see yourself with him for the rest of your life? If the answer to these is yes then you should try to concentrate on making it work and forget about your colleague, otherwise you could be throwing something special away and will most likely live to regret it once the excitement of your impending fling wears off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiSiSi Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 Wise words. well said. Interesting. You choose the name 'Bunnyboiler', you comment on a thread 6months old and your 4 other posts are also on threads about relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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