Babooshka Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I believe that my child should not be the one who has to travel for Christmas. It was his father who messed it all up. His father who left. His father who chose the new life. Why should our son have to be the one to fit in with his father's choices? I would have been happy for his father to spend Christmas with us, or for us to go down there...but because of his father's personal needs, WE, have to pay the price, and now my son has to not see me at Christmas, which, believe me, is NOT what he wants. It is, therefore, not a question as to who has more rights. It is a question of priorities. Our son is not my exe's priority. His girlfriend is. Our son, for me, however, IS my priority, which is why I have chosen to remain single and not introduce anyone to him. Why should the child do the splitting when it is the father who caused the problems? Why can't the father do the splitting ie one Christmas with us, one Christmas with his new family. Surely, this is much more preferable, as the child can then always have Christmas at home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babooshka Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 With my situation, you have to understand, I am very angry about the fact that his father has not visited him since February. For his father, it is all about his child doing the travelling. He has his own little kingdom, and everyone has to revolve around it. It's just the way it is. What irks me more than ever, is that while he uses the fact that he can't drive two hours to visit his son in Sheffield. He is happy to drive FOUR hours to visit his girlfriend!!!!! Anyone who knows me, and knows about my situation, knows how accommodating I have been. In the past I have BEGGED him to see his son. My ex hears only what he wants. And, get this...re Christmas...I have to take him all the way to his dads!!!!!! No, this is not a question of rights. That is the problem. When we talk about rights, despite people saying they are thinking of the child's rights, what they actually talk about are parental rights. The bottom line is, my son wants to be with me at Christmas. His father will always have the right to come, and would always be welcome. YET, basically, it is the father who has the right to go on to have another family, therefore, his first child has to accommodate this, and leave his mother and his home, to go to his father's house. HOW is this RIGHT? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeX Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I believe that my child should not be the one who has to travel for Christmas. . You're making up excuses now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babooshka Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Believe me. After everything I have been through, the last thing I am doing is making up excuses. My child is shunted from pillar to post because his dad can't be bothered to visit him. Do you truly think it is right, that a child who wants to stay at home at Christmas, should HAVE to go somewhere else? That I have to take him all the way there? Is this in a 'child's best interest?' This is anything but! Can you imagine, if I had been the one to go off and start a new life what grief I would have got. Why, it was only a few days ago when my ex phoned me and told me never wanted me to meet anyone else because of the detrimental effect it would have on his relationship with his son. There was only silence which followed when I asked him why he had done exactly what he wants me not to do. The hypocrite. I am not a mother who has caused problems, or who has tried to obstruct my son's relationship with his father at any time. Quite the opposite. But, I do have a problem with people who think they can carry on as they like, and then make OTHER people pay the price for the decisions they have made. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babooshka Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 You have totally proved my point, though. That most people (not me) place themselves, their needs, their lives, their personal wants BEFORE their children. That is why it is the child who does all the travelling around....to fit in with the stray parent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeX Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 Believe me. After everything I have been through, the last thing I am doing is making up excuses.. in which case we will need to agree to disagree. you comments that "I am facing my first Christmas without my son, and to say that I am distressed is an understatement." made no mention of the travelling or the welling being of the child. You instead focused on your feelings about you being without your child on Christmas. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spider1 Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 and don't forget that the best laid plans can all be destroyed when money and lawyers come in to play.[/quote think you are right money is a big facture and causes major arguments - The guilty party when they leave promise everything and 12 months later there guilty concience goes away and they want what is best for themselfs not the family they left behind - Their new boy friend or girl friend starts taking over Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
splodgeyAl Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 I would say they are very much in the minority, in my experience. I'm struggling to think of people I know, that have split up, that have any real bitterness or animosity towards eachother, myself included.Yes, but the point is that as an adult, you can and should keep that animosity from your kids. Yes, that's difficult, unlike getting someone pregnant, I guess Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chorba Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 ......................... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joto Posted December 16, 2011 Share Posted December 16, 2011 You have totally proved my point, though. That most people (not me) place themselves, their needs, their lives, their personal wants BEFORE their children. That is why it is the child who does are the travelling around....to fit in with the stray parent. I totally agree with everything you've said on this subject, your posts are very well written, and I don't detect any bitterness at all. What I would like changed ( even here in Canada) is how the courts decide for the child which parent they are spending Christmas with etc. Even a toddler knows which parent they would like to spend Christmas with, I'm not saying you should force a child to choose. But you'll find most will be very upset not spending a special time like Christmas away from their main care-giver. I'm a grand-parent who has finally been allowed contact with two of my grand-daughter's after 8yrs, they got to an age where they could make the decision themselves. You say his new partner is pregnant, well I predict once that baby comes along his new love will want all his attention on her child, so this will be your first and last Christmas without your son. Good Luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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