Babooshka Posted December 17, 2011 Share Posted December 17, 2011 The thing is, rightly or wrongly your ex partners girlfriend has her own (unborn) child to think of.. you cant blame her for that, whether you like it or not- as you've said your every waking moment is for your little boy- hers will be for her little one/its future. .. I believe that when a woman (I am specifically using woman/man relating to this particular frame of reference, and for no other reason) comes in to a man's life, who already has a child, the woman needs to be aware that life will be nothing like getting together with a single man. That man has responsibilities to people who have been around for a long, long time. With this in mind, she should be accepting, and accommodating, that life will not be as it might ordinarily be, and adjust accordingly. I believe it would be unreasonable to believe otherwise. Why should EVERYTHING suit them in a situation like this? If I were ever to meet a man who already had children, I would NEVER NEVER NEVER ask him to spend Christmas with me. How outrageous would that be? I also feel if that is what both she AND her partner (ie my ex in this case) feel, and just want everything to revolve around THEMSELVES, then they should step out of OUR lives completely. Of course I don't want my little boy to not have a father, but when a father proves time and time again, that he is unreliable, won't visit him at home, and that his first child just fits in around his new life, would leaving his life all together really be such a massive deal? Or, if that is too drastic, then at least, just seeing him here, in his son's home town, where he is happy, and has his little life in place. No, this is all just about 'convenience' for my ex...which is why it is so galling. Father's should come to their children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badlittlepup Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 I believe that when a woman (I am specifically using woman/man relating to this particular frame of reference, and for no other reason) comes in to a man's life, who already has a child, the woman needs to be aware that life will be nothing like getting together with a single man. That man has responsibilities to people who have been around for a long, long time. With this in mind, she should be accepting, and accommodating, that life will not be as it might ordinarily be, and adjust accordingly. I believe it would be unreasonable to believe otherwise. Why should EVERYTHING suit them in a situation like this? If I were ever to meet a man who already had children, I would NEVER NEVER NEVER ask him to spend Christmas with me. How outrageous would that be? I also feel if that is what both she AND her partner (ie my ex in this case) feel, and just want everything to revolve around THEMSELVES, then they should step out of OUR lives completely. Of course I don't want my little boy to not have a father, but when a father proves time and time again, that he is unreliable, won't visit him at home, and that his first child just fits in around his new life, would leaving his life all together really be such a massive deal? Or, if that is too drastic, then at least, just seeing him here, in his son's home town, where he is happy, and has his little life in place. No, this is all just about 'convenience' for my ex...which is why it is so galling. Father's should come to their children. Sorry, I think you're really out of order. You say 'oh I want him to have a Dad' then you say you wish he'd just go away'. When he sees his kid you complain it's in the wrong place, or at the wrong time but when he doesn't you complain about that too. At the end of the day you just don't want him to see his kid unless he agrees to see him when it suits you, where it suits you to your specific rules. That to me is a classic case of making it as difficult as possible for a father in the hope you can make him go away. It would love to hear his side of the story, I suspect it is extremely different to yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spider1 Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 spelling:suspect: Hi what comes around goes around . Our daughters husband left her after 10 years of marriage a daughter age 3 a son age 6 he worked for a major bank . He met a girl at work her father was a millionaire , Told me he now had a different and better life . Her fathers business went bust and he committed suicide . His new wife now has mental health problems - His father did the same to his wife and so did his brother Our daughter is a beautiful and lovely person and has now met somebody else and I have never seen her so happy . I am giving him a couple of years and we are going to take him to court again as he up to his old tricks telling lies again [ Yes i am the father inlaw from hell ] May be you dogooders would like to hear his side ] So dont despair grand parents they dont always win . The good news is he is in a mountain of debpt Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riche Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Because women are involved, they are greedy and spiteful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rubydazzler Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Because women are involved, they are greedy and spiteful.That's just rubbish, Riche, and you know it. You can't tar every woman with the same brush. You usually get back from a relationship more or less what you put into it. So if that's your experience, you have to look at yourself first, before blaming everyone else. Just saying ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riche Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 That's just rubbish, Riche, and you know it. You can't tar every woman with the same brush. You usually get back from a relationship more or less what you put into it. So if that's your experience, you have to look at yourself first, before blaming everyone else. Just saying ... I am stiil married after 20 years, not always easy but still in it so to speak. I have seen 4 good pals, good farthers and good men screwed over royally by greedy wifes during splits. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoop Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 I believe that when a woman (I am specifically using woman/man relating to this particular frame of reference, and for no other reason) comes in to a man's life, who already has a child, the woman needs to be aware that life will be nothing like getting together with a single man. That man has responsibilities to people who have been around for a long, long time. With this in mind, she should be accepting, and accommodating, that life will not be as it might ordinarily be, and adjust accordingly. I believe it would be unreasonable to believe otherwise. Why should EVERYTHING suit them in a situation like this? If I were ever to meet a man who already had children, I would NEVER NEVER NEVER ask him to spend Christmas with me. How outrageous would that be? I also feel if that is what both she AND her partner (ie my ex in this case) feel, and just want everything to revolve around THEMSELVES, then they should step out of OUR lives completely. Of course I don't want my little boy to not have a father, but when a father proves time and time again, that he is unreliable, won't visit him at home, and that his first child just fits in around his new life, would leaving his life all together really be such a massive deal? Or, if that is too drastic, then at least, just seeing him here, in his son's home town, where he is happy, and has his little life in place. No, this is all just about 'convenience' for my ex...which is why it is so galling. Father's should come to their children. I agree, and this is more or less the arrangement me and my ex have come to. He comes first thing in the morning to watch scoop jr open his presents, then disappears until around tea time, when he picks him up to have him til boxing day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoop Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 I am stiil married after 20 years, not always easy but still in it so to speak. I have seen 4 good pals, good farthers and good men screwed over royally by greedy wifes during splits. Good for you - I suspect that you'll know many more women and children who have had lives ruined by selfish men if you set your mind to it. They just dont moan about it constantly in the same way men do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rubydazzler Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 I am stiil married after 20 years, not always easy but still in it so to speak. I have seen 4 good pals, good farthers and good men screwed over royally by greedy wifes during splits.But you didn't say that your experience was limited to four women your mates were married to. Who probably brought whatever happened to them upon themselves because, as we all know, men are selfish, lazy and self-obsessed. You said "women". In other words, all of us! And I bet, if there were any children involved, the mothers got landed with looking after them, whilst the men swanned off, free as a bird, and yet demand that the kids are brought to them and their new woman, on Christmas Day just to upset everyone else! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babooshka Posted December 18, 2011 Share Posted December 18, 2011 Sorry, I think you're really out of order. You say 'oh I want him to have a Dad' then you say you wish he'd just go away'. When he sees his kid you complain it's in the wrong place, or at the wrong time but when he doesn't you complain about that too. At the end of the day you just don't want him to see his kid unless he agrees to see him when it suits you, where it suits you to your specific rules. That to me is a classic case of making it as difficult as possible for a father in the hope you can make him go away. It would love to hear his side of the story, I suspect it is extremely different to yours. What little you know. My ex is eternally grateful for the lengths I go to, to ensure he sees his son. How many women do you know who, at the drop of a hat, when at work, have to suddenly take an unpaid leave day, or annual leave (thus losing a day's pay in my line of work), and who will return to Sheffield (150 miles) collect our child, and immediately thereafter drive a further 70 mile round trip to get the child to the father, never asking for any kind of remuneration? I have done that countless times, to both my financial detriment and physical exhaustion. On top of this, he chooses his contact weekends to fit in with his work, and they are ALWAYS, without exception, at his house. I meet him half way in terms of driving distance. How is THIS making HIS life difficult? I have done this for three years out of my own free will to ensure my son maintains a relationship with his father. When a father won't make any effort to reciprocate in order to alleviate the amount of travel his child has to do, is what makes me feel the way I feel. My current feelings are as a response to this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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