Stranza Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 Yes, it's sad- also a very strong recommendation for EVERYONE (married, unmarried, rich, poor- as long as aged 18+) to make a Will. And, no- my firm does not deal with making Wills. This advice is wholly disinterested. My brother died suddenly a few years ago and we found this out the hard way. Families are different now and it's not unusual to have first, second and even third spouses and often kids too. Just by their nature these extended families have issues and bereavement brings them all together so making a will is really a kindness and will save all your loved ones heartache and allow them to concentrate on grieving and not get bogged down in arguments and bad feeling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suffragette1 Posted January 3, 2012 Share Posted January 3, 2012 What a sad and unsettling situation all round. As Jeffrey Shaw says, it is really important to make a will, regardless of one's relationship status, especially if there are children involved. Even if married and if there are children, only half of the deceased's estate will go to the surviving spouse and the remaining half to any children. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allen Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Such a sad story.........I hope the situation is resolved for all concerned. I can to some point understand the Dad wanting to arrange things, he's grieving too, but to "take over" and ignore the wishes of the partner is totally wrong. I agree totally with Jeffrey Shaw. It's vital to make a will. It wasn't until my wife was diagnosed with cancer at 60 we even thought about it. It will never happen to us, etc. Well, it does and can. Everyone should take his advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leah-Lacie Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 When my Grandad (Mums stepdad) died, he had been separated from my Nan for 3 or 4 years. They had been together about 25 years before that, and he had made a will that left everything to her. His son (who he hadn't seen for 30 years) turned up while he was ill, to 'look after him', but Grandad knew he was after his money. Just before he died he gave my Mum his bank cards to clear the lot out and take it (which was a good job he did). He died at 1pm, and my Mum got a call from his son at 3.30pm, telling her to get down to the house ASAP as he was clearing it out. He'd told me many times he was purchasing new furniture as he "didn't want to leave me old crap" when he died. His son basically took everything, and when Mum was challenging him, he said his friend was having this, and his other friend was having that! Mum walked away with a few novelty bits that he loved which she had bought him as gifts for birthdays. When Mum contacted his solicitor, it turns out that he didn't have a will, although my nan was there when he made it. He must have scrapped it (is that possible?) and not made another. His son took over the funeral too, basically not aknowledging any of us as being family of any sort, he even thanked me for going to the funeral. It was awful. Grandad was Scottish, and the coffin arrived with an Irish flag over it, for a cremation, when he was a catholic and wanted to be buried. I still think he was taking the mick. Grandad was a very popular figure, especially in the pubs on London road, yet only family turned up to the funeral, and about 7 people at the wake in the pub. All of our family, ok, we were not his blood relatives, but he had brought my Mum up, and was there for all my life, and he loved me more than anyone, were totally seen as outcasts once he died. Such a shame. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hairyloon Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 Loads of really helpful advice there folks: "he should have made a will"... I think they know that now, there is no need to tell them again and again and again. And in any case, are not the kids his next of kin? They should inherit by default. I believe there are two separate issues: the estate, and the funeral. I don't believe the two are necessarily connected, and I am not certain, and I apologise for being blunt, but I think there is an element of possession being nine parts of the law: whoever has got the body can deal with it. And FFS is the man insane or just plain evil? He wants to exclude his own grandchildren from their father's funeral?! Sorry, that first part is not fair. No parent should have to bury their own child, his head is probably a proper mess. Are there no mutual friends, or family who can mediate some good sense between them? Whatever the hatchet is, try and leave it in the grave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leah-Lacie Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 A friend's best friend died when he was 18, in a car crash. His young girlfriend, who had a baby with him, wanted to have a large funeral with a burial, with all his friends. His mother would not allow it, and said they were not celebrating his life, as he hadn't had one. She had him cremated in a family only service. I think the parent automatically goes into meltdown and tries to regain control, as they feel they maybe should have protected their child etc. His mother did calm down after a while, and she let his girlfriend have his ashes, and she then held a funeral type service, and buried his ashes, with a headstone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
enepsigos Posted January 4, 2012 Author Share Posted January 4, 2012 Loads of really helpful advice there folks: "he should have made a will"... I think they know that now, there is no need to tell them again and again and again. And in any case, are not the kids his next of kin? They should inherit by default. I believe there are two separate issues: the estate, and the funeral. I don't believe the two are necessarily connected, and I am not certain, and I apologise for being blunt, but I think there is an element of possession being nine parts of the law: whoever has got the body can deal with it. And FFS is the man insane or just plain evil? He wants to exclude his own grandchildren from their father's funeral?! Sorry, that first part is not fair. No parent should have to bury their own child, his head is probably a proper mess. Are there no mutual friends, or family who can mediate some good sense between them? Whatever the hatchet is, try and leave it in the grave. you are spot on, my friend contacted her solicitor and the solicitor said that the death cert and anything the man left behind automatically goes to his oldest son, his oldest son (by blood) is only 3, so the sons guardian which is the mans partner and mother to the children will automatically "hold it" his dad cannot bury him without the death cert and my friend has that now, luckily for the mans dad my friend is not one to bare a grudge and will be invited to the funeral and to help in making decisions about the funeral if he so wishes, however knowing this family as well as i do i dont think for one minute all has been said and done, which is a real shame for all involved. thanks all for your advice, much appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hairyloon Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 you are spot on, my friend contacted her solicitor and the solicitor said that the death cert and anything the man left behind automatically goes to his oldest son... I think the estate would be divided among the children. The first-born son thing is a bit out of date. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suffragette1 Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 I think the estate would be divided among the children. The first-born son thing is a bit out of date. Unless there is some kind of title, I am not aware that primogeniture rules apply! When we made our will, I wanted my children named as beneficiaries, however, I was advised that this is not necessary, as any children stand to benefit unless otherwise specified. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annina Posted January 4, 2012 Share Posted January 4, 2012 When my son died aged 24,his x- girlfriend and mother of his child,had all the say-so as he had her as next of kin. I had to jump through all sorts of hoops to have a stone put on his grave,and even now,it has to be removed if she says so. All the arguments in the world won't make the poor man any less dead so perhaps the warring parties should have their heads banged together and get on with grieving. The children have lost their daddy and a loving grandad could make a big difference to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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