PeteMorris Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 Another drunken time i was on holiday in Puerto Banus and a bit worse for wear.One of the lads sharing the room most definitely warned me about my sleepwalking habit in the middle of the night.I distinctly remember getting up to go to the toilet and as it was dark did not want to put the light on. As men do i found the toilet with with my legs against the rim and aimed down the toilet but for some reason i couldn`t fathom at the time i kept splashing all over my legs.As i was drunk i thought i was just hitting the rim and because i was drunk i was there for a loooong time letting out a big sigh of relief.Obviously i picked my friends towel up and wiped my legs off!!. A couple of hours later i awoke to a massive bang and lots of swearing directed at me.I swore blind i could remember getting up and going to the toilet and got up to see what he was mad at.He was laid on the bathroom floor covered in p**s after slipping on a soaked tiled floor. I had forgot to put the seat up..... You do seem to have a Stella problem!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeteMorris Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 Never saw again after I took the same girl to the Rock Inn at Crane Moor and bought half a dozen oysters ... she didn't know, but having never eaten oysters before I swallowed it whole and it got half way down my throat, I gagged and it came back, shot out of my mouth landing on her handbag. That was it ... gone!!! ... never understood why though??? Pass me a bucket!..hahahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gazza58 Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 While waiting for the bath to run,i decided to hoover up the bedroom[ naked of course but its in the privacy of my home ] my neighbour who always justs walks in,came in the kitchen as usual apparently shouts me a few times,gets no responce [ hoover on ] so the cheekey git comes upstairs cos he can hear me hoovering,theres me nude hoovering. Yeah the door should have been locked i know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sedith Posted January 17, 2012 Share Posted January 17, 2012 I was on a cruise with the wife ... went to bed the first night and due to the amount of wine I had consumed didn't see the chocolate on my pillow! The next morning there was a terrible mess on the sheets and pillows, you wouldn't think a kit kat sized finger of chocolate would spread so far. Luckily the Fillipino maid spoke good English when I explained to her that it was chocolate and not sh*t! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeteMorris Posted January 17, 2012 Author Share Posted January 17, 2012 I remember once starting a new job. As is the case, it's always horrible for the first week, and you don't know anybody properly...etc...etc....Anyway I got chatting to someone about another person who worked there who seemed to be the most miserable git I'd ever come across...Yep you guessed it!....It was his dad!....Ever wish the floor would open up and swallow you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
illuminati Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I once jumped on an empty orange juice carton that was on the floor at the side of a queue of people at a bus stop to make it go bang! Trouble is it wasn't empty after all Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fibutton Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 There's been a few, but I couldn't possibly comment......My daughter's a member of SF ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FatDave Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 ...I was at a friends house for a drink and a film with a few others some years back. Whilst watching a film together (Shaft I think it was) my friend’s girlfriend went off to the toilet and told us, “It’s alright, you don’t have to pause it.” I did anyway and we waited until she came back to play it. Upon entering the room she said, “Oh you didn’t need to pause it, you could have told me what happened,” to which I replied, “No, it’s not that, I just wanted to listen to you urinate.” Never before or since have I misjudged a situation as perfectly. Her reply, “I do hope you didn’t just say what I thought you just said,” shut me up instantly, and I still bear the scars today in the form of an initial shyness around people I don’t know. A shyness which I am glad to say doesn’t last, and I’m back to embarrassing myself with my horrible sense of humour in no time. I took this from my blog on political correctness (addy below) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bethsmummy Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 I was at primary bout age 6 and my mum sent me to school in a pair of black velvet trousers ( I can still see em now) Anyhow at lunchtime whilst running round I split the seam right up the a*** I had white cotton keks on underneath and had to walk round displaying my knickers for the rest of the day {{{oh the shame}}} I still cant look at velvet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andyofborg Posted January 18, 2012 Share Posted January 18, 2012 i voted lib dem at the last election Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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