Soulgirl75 Posted January 20, 2012 Author Share Posted January 20, 2012 Are we all joking? Being dumped is by FAR the hardest issue here. It's OK when you're in control, but when you're dumped: Loss of control Massive ego blow Loss of someone you may have liked Lack of relationship security Being single You're basically on the receiving end when you're dumped and if it was a serious relationship it can hit really hard. Which, when you're doing the dumping, can be painful, but you're in control; you're doing the dumping! I'm not sure I agree - being ditched is vile - agreed! But you can feel sorry for yourself, eat chocolate and cry on friends' shoulders. As the ditcher you're just seen as a hard nosed cowbag and 'you've got what you want so you should be happy' tends to be people's attitudeds. You still have to deal with loss AND you have to deal with the guilt which can be hideous unless you're emotionally cold - in which case both situations are probably equally simple! Hmmmm maybe that's the way forward! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthernStar Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Surely it all depends on the circumstances, but on the whole I find being ditched is worse because you have absolutely no control of the situation especially if it comes out of the blue. If you have been wronged by a partner it can be much easier to ditch than someone who would do anything to stay with you. I remember a particular tough lass to ditch and for such a lame reason too, all the poor lass did was to have a stinky stomach upset and as fickle as that sounds I honestly didn't see her in the same light again knowing that she could produce such a disgusting smell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karis Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 I'm not sure I agree - being ditched is vile - agreed! But you can feel sorry for yourself, eat chocolate and cry on friends' shoulders. As the ditcher you're just seen as a hard nosed cowbag and 'you've got what you want so you should be happy' tends to be people's attitudeds. You still have to deal with loss AND you have to deal with the guilt which can be hideous unless you're emotionally cold - in which case both situations are probably equally simple! Hmmmm maybe that's the way forward! But being hard-nosed and single is infinitely preferable than being vulnerable and dumped and single... And, I don't agree with the 'dealing with the loss'; if you've made the decision to dump, you've already made your peace with the separation! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy Jnr Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Girls usually dump me because they don't like my face! It was the same for AO's friend that's how they noticed the boots. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agent Orange Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 But being hard-nosed and single is infinitely preferable than being vulnerable and dumped and single... And, I don't agree with the 'dealing with the loss'; if you've made the decision to dump, you've already made your peace with the separation! There is no right or wrong answer, surely. We are all different and therefore handle situations differently. It was the same for AO's friend that's how they noticed the boots. Hahaha yeah. I will give the girl some credit, the boots were purple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ampersand Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Ouch!! Sorry to hear that - have to say that's probably the worst I've heard to date. Hope you're in a happy place now. It enabled a completely new start and a far happier life subsequently than would otherwise have been the case - so I ought to be grateful Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spiritangel1 Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 I dont agree Karis,"dumping" wasnt for me any way easy,i tried for nearly 2 years and although it was my choice it was so hard and the guilt,upset,fear is real,I cant tell you the times I cried alone trying to come to terms with what i was about to do,the familes I hurt including mine. The guilt of knowing what I had to do for my own self preservation maybe it was a bit selfish but the alternative was to live a lie for the rest of my life and be unhappy. I sometimes still have a part of me that thinks it was a horrible thing to do but I try not to let it and thats after 8 years.I am happy my ex moved on but still wish he wouldnt hate me because I chose to be honest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peewee84 Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 But being hard-nosed and single is infinitely preferable than being vulnerable and dumped and single... And, I don't agree with the 'dealing with the loss'; if you've made the decision to dump, you've already made your peace with the separation! Totally agree! When my partner left me, the knock on effect meant I lost my job and had to move to a different country before I could get my life back together. And the feeling of loss cannot be that profound if you have chosen to suffer it in place of staying with your partner. They say the person doing the dumping goes through the grieving stage and gets over the relationship long before the other person is even made aware...ie, they have been going through the break-up for a long time and so have prepared for it whereas the other person is just thrown into it all of a sudden.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soulgirl75 Posted January 20, 2012 Author Share Posted January 20, 2012 Hmmmm good point! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spiritangel1 Posted January 20, 2012 Share Posted January 20, 2012 Well I can see from both sides of the coin,but surely if you have been with someone a long time then they must know things have changed? I think everyones different in how they react and handle things.My ex was a wreck I have to be honest and yes it deff hit him hard,but I also had the upset of giving up a home ect and basically pennyless and knowing his family hated me with such venom. So I would say depends on the people,the reasons why,and it must hurt even more when someone dumps you for another person,I didnt do that so maybe thats why I have my opinion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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