Fishcake Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 There are several humane ways to get rid of grey squirrels. You can catch them and kill them. The best ways of dispatching them once caught are: 1. Kick it to death. A well aimed kick should stun the squirrel, and then you can stamp it out of its misery and put it in a sack and smash it into a wall. 2. Put it in a freezer. Squirrels don’t like the cold and if you put it in the freezer it dies relatively quickly (between 3 hours and 2 days) the upside of this is you then have a ready meal of sorts. 3. It isn’t only slugs that don’t like salt. If you can inject high amounts of sodium into the squirrel’s food, after 2-3 years it will most likely have blood pressure problems and probably die. Maybe. 4. Hand Grenades. Be warned though, it is illegal to use these within 6 feet of children or squirrels. Don’t worry though; a good way to get over this is to throw the grenade at the tree the squirrel lives in. You don’t break the law and the falling tree kills the squirrel. 5. As a last resort, experts say you can safely use a small nuclear device, but be warned, some areas of the country have strict by laws so check with the local council website first. There are numerous ways to capture the squirrels too, but my favourite is to lure them into a cage with an attractive she squirrel prostitute (a little lipstick always helps), then film the romp and demand the squirrel leaves unless he wants his family to see his disgraceful squirrel sex show. I hope this helps. I have over 20 years of pest control experience and it has been a pleasure to share my knowledge. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conrod Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Wrong again, this is the real deal. Do not watch if squeemish. Better to be out doing this than watching 22 nancy's dancing around a footie field on a Saturday afternoon. Angel. Nice clean dispatch. Which reminds me, used the last of the venison in my freezer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ANGELFIRE1 Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Nice clean dispatch. Which reminds me, used the last of the venison in my freezer Strange as it may seem, so have I, but have got a few Pheasants in there. Pheasant, potato and celeriac mash, broccoli and gravy with a little redcurrant jelly in it. A glass of nice white wine - yum yum. Angel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy Jnr Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Strange as it may seem, so have I, but have got a few Pheasants in there. Pheasant, potato and celeriac mash, broccoli and gravy with a little redcurrant jelly in it. A glass of nice white wine - yum yum. Angel. White wine with pheasant? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
donkey Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 White wine with pheasant? It's cockney rhyming slang. White wine and pheasant = peasant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stan Tamudo Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 White wine with pheasant? Old Elmer has shot himself in the foot it seems, I bet he has a nice Wiesling or some Wetsina with his bird. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy Jnr Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 Old Elmer has shot himself in the foot it seems, I bet he has a nice Wiesling or some Wetsina with his bird. It'll be those 'bunny wabbit' slippers he insists on wearing. I bet he woke with a start and fired without thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phanerothyme Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 They're also not equally resistant to ilness, not equally able to survive on certain foods, not equally able to deal with physical hardships, and most likely not of equal intelligence. You're just repeating what I said? Grey Squirrels have displaced the Reds because they're fitter. The reds survived in their ecological niche for a long time because there wasn't much competition until the greys turned up, and the reds discovered that they weren't as good as they thought they were. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Conrod Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 You're just repeating what I said? Grey Squirrels have displaced the Reds because they're fitter. The reds survived in their ecological niche for a long time because there wasn't much competition until the greys turned up, and the reds discovered that they weren't as good as they thought they were. Yes, which comes back to different branches of a sub-species with slightly different evolutionary fine-tuning not being equal. Not equally fit for survival, equally able to compete, or equally able to hide their nuts - they're just not equal. As applies to many species. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
retep Posted January 23, 2012 Share Posted January 23, 2012 You're just repeating what I said? Grey Squirrels have displaced the Reds because they're fitter. The reds survived in their ecological niche for a long time because there wasn't much competition until the greys turned up, and the reds discovered that they weren't as good as they thought they were. and full of pox which they pass on to the Reds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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