denlin Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Google it yersen yer lazy git. About say you want me to re-google it just to answer some dumb question. Actually you asked for the number not me - and I'm female and haven't resorted to calling you names, You also passed on the number:roll: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ronthenekred Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 Actually you asked for the number not me - and I'm female and haven't resorted to calling you names, You also passed on the number:roll: The point digsy is making is if you can't be arsed to follow up help and using pathetic arguments like telephone numbers what's the likelihoods of you not being arsed about the well being of your child? So..as an excuse to hit your child you'd use "they didn't have helplines in the past" rather than seek professional help. It's ok..you don't have to feel as though you are a failure because you've reached out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denlin Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 The point digsy is making is if you can't be arsed to follow up help and using pathetic arguments like telephone numbers what's the likelihoods of you not being arsed about the well being of your child? So..as an excuse to hit your child you'd use "they didn't have helplines in the past" rather than seek professional help. It's ok..you don't have to feel as though you are a failure because you've reached out. No Digsy asked for help not me, I am 60 so why would I need helpline. I was just trying to ascertain if Digsy either needed or knew anything about the helpline he promoted Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ronthenekred Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 No Digsy asked for help not me, I am 60 so why would I need helpline. I was just trying to ascertain if Digsy either needed or knew anything about the helpline he promoted I'll clarify..Point 1 was general..as in you me or anyone. Point 2 was clearly meant for you as I quoted you. Point 3 again general but as I was replying to your post which could have been construed as personal..it wasn't. Apologies if it seemed so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digsy Posted February 11, 2012 Share Posted February 11, 2012 No Digsy asked for help not me, I am 60 so why would I need helpline. I was just trying to ascertain if Digsy either needed or knew anything about the helpline he promoted And you asked if it was 24 hour, 7 days a week, not me. Hence go look it up, I'm not your own personal researcher, I looked up what I wanted to know (and shared the info for those that might want to know), you go look up what you want to know (and either share it, or keep it to yerself choice is yours). Or alternatively gimme yer name and address to send a bill to and I'll happily look it up for you for a fee. Cheek of it, insinuating I need someone to parent my children for me. Just to add, I've raised a child to adulthood without the need for any help, doesn't mean that I'm not keen to learn a way to get a child to obey a command without having to use the back of my hand. If you want to have a pop at someone ring Mind on 0300 1233393 or the National Dementia Helpline 0845 300 0336. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strix Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Try explaining it? And then insist on it. We don't have many unbreakable rules, and the phrase 'this one is non-negotiable' seems to work. We always explain why there are some rules though. If the kid still botherrs the dog, the dog will let them know it doesn't like it. And if the dog might let them know in a way that will be dangerous, get rid of the dog before it happens 'this one is non-negotiable' is going to be incredibly difficult to explain to a sub-two year old The dog is going nowhere - especially not as punishment for somebody else's actions The dog is old, injured and sore (when he first wakes up, through the winter). He's bound to be grumpy at 10kg of child falling on him coz she's not being careful enough, or trying to use him to climb up on the furniture Kids should learn to treat others living beings with the same consideration they want from others. It's interesting to see how caring (for people) that most KC breeders' kids are, thanks to growing up in an environment where tiny puppies need to be nurtured and cared for Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeadingNorth Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 Just to add, I've raised a child to adulthood without the need for any help, doesn't mean that I'm not keen to learn a way to get a child to obey a command without having to use the back of my hand. Nobody has yet been able to provide one. I begin to doubt whether these professional helplines are worth the money spent on them, if not a single person can even remember what advice they've ever given to anybody. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Number Six Posted February 13, 2012 Author Share Posted February 13, 2012 'this one is non-negotiable' is going to be incredibly difficult to explain to a sub-two year old We started using it when she was about 20 months old. Worked fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeadingNorth Posted February 13, 2012 Share Posted February 13, 2012 We started using it when she was about 20 months old. Worked fine. What would you advise to people for whom it does not? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Number Six Posted February 13, 2012 Author Share Posted February 13, 2012 What would you advise to people for whom it does not? Well obviously at 20 months she didn't just know what 'non-negotiable' meant the first time she heard it. Some background: My kid doesn't like wearing coats, gloves, hats or boots. Obviously some days she needs to though, but at 20 months she didn't know that, and so was a bit grumbly and wriggly when I tried to put her coat on her. So I explained why she needed her coat (not knowing if she'd understand it or not, but telling her anyway) and tried again. Same result. So I explained again. And tried again. There was no point getting annoyed though, she wasn't doing it to be 'naughty' as so many parents seem to assume, she just didn't want to wear her coat, but as an adult with more experience I knew she needed to. I try to give her a choice whenever possible though, so I told her that she could put her coat on and go and feed the ducks (which she loves, and was the reason we'd come out), or we could go home and do something else. I can't remember what the something else I suggested was, but as I fancied some fresh air it was probably something quite dull. I think the phrase I used was 'the coat is non-negotiable' and she sort of got it - she still whinged a bit about it but she let me put her coat on and we fed the ducks. Nobody got upset, nobody got hit, no-one had guilt and we both had a lovely afternoon. Had she still fought to not wear the coat I probably would have given her a few more opportunities because we had nothing else urgent to do, but ultimately if she didn't want to wear her coat, we weren't getting out the car. That's fine though. I've driven myself 150 miles in to the Lakes to go for a walk, got there and decided I couldn't be bothered and gone and read a book in the pub instead, so even though she'd said she wanted to go to the ducks it's perfectly possible she'd changed her mind and didn't know how to communicate it. She has since learned what it is to be cold, and still has her own opinion about whether or not a coat is necessary, but as she's a bit older I let her choose herself now. Only once this winter has she gone out without a coat and against my advice and then changed her mind, at which point she just told me she was cold and wanted her coat (which obviously I'd put in my bag because it was freezing!) Coat-wearing could, I guess, have become one of our battle grounds. I'm pleased to say it hasn't. So, if your kid doesn't understand non-negotiable, explain it. Explain that they either do it your way, or do something else. And then stick to it. But don't be a stubborn fool about it. If she'd refused the coat and we'd started going home and she'd got even more upset, I'd have stopped the car and given her a chance to go back to the ducks and wear the coat. On occasions I have just put the coat on her, but only when the noises are ' this is a bit annoying' rather than ' I am really distressed by this' The general principles here are the way we both approach parenting. And we have a cheeky kid who tries the boundaries, as all kids do. But she also understands that there are some things that mummy and daddy really mean - again because we explain things to her, are consistent, and don't have 'rules' that seem arbitrary to her; she sort of gets that the 'rules' we do have are for her own good. She really gets the one about not touching hot things now she knows what getting burned feels like (toy car went under a storage heater on holiday) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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