Ghostrider Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 I think it is quite clear to be honest. You obviously do not have the open honest relationship you think you have and usually a child will only lie when its to their benefit or they are afraid of telling the truth. I wonder which one it is in this case but judging by the harsh punishment dished out its not rocket science to work it out. But the punishment wasnt handed out till after the child PERSISTENTLY lied. Maybe if they had told the truth sooner, it wouldnt have resulted in the trip being cancelled. And I dont consider that to be harsh - physical punishment, yes - but cancelling a trip, no..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucyjackson Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Harsh? Harsh? Taking away a treat (not a right) because said child wouldnt follow the house rules? You call that harsh?? Go on the freud. Enlighten me:roll: For anyone else who cares to judge, then go right ahead:hihi: Number 1. You are asking for judgement in one form or another just by putting it up here. Number 2. Yes, i do call taking away a treat (not a right) in this case harsh. Number 3. As i have stated before, children mainly lie for two reasons, because there is something in it for them to lie or because they are afraid to tell the truth! As you have not put down what the lie is or whether it benefits the child to lie about it people can only assume that the child is scared of telling the truth to you and judging by the way you have handled the situation, ie, cancelling a promised trip and reducing the child to tears instead of trying to find out why the child has lied and encouraging more honest behaviour in the future i can see why the child has lied. Call me what you like but please do not put up sarcastic remarks about being judgmental when you in fact have just done the very same thing by calling me freud That just makes you look immature and silly Are you not in the least bit concerned about why your child felt the need to lie in the first place or are you too busy dishing out over reactory punishment to care? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plain Talker Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Withdrawal of privileges, and "grounding" the child can be an effective "punishment", and preferable to corporal punishment. If your child has lied, then I think the sanctions you have used are a reasonable reaction to "punish" the child. You have shown your young'un that actions have consequences, and that he does not get a "reward" (the trip out) for behaving contrary to the standards you have set for him. (and I don't think that your expectations for your child to be truthful are standards that are too hard to follow) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucyjackson Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Withdrawal of privileges, and "grounding" the child can be an effective "punishment", and preferable to corporal punishment. If your child has lied, then I think the sanctions you have used are a reasonable reaction to "punish" the child. You have shown your young'un that actions have consequences, and that he does not get a "reward" (the trip out) for behaving contrary to the standards you have set for him. (and I don't think that your expectations for your child to be truthful are standards that are too hard to follow) Do you not think the op should at least be finding out why the child decided to persistently lie instead of immediately stopping treats.. It a sad old world we live in if parents cannot even be remotely concerned as to WHY a child is lying rather then concentrating on scolding them for their actions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMoran Posted February 16, 2012 Author Share Posted February 16, 2012 Number 1. You are asking for judgement in one form or another just by putting it up here. No, im not. Im sharing the trials and tribulations of parenthood. Number 2. Yes, i do call taking away a treat (not a right) in this case harsh. Then you are wrong. In my opinion Number 3. As i have stated before, children mainly lie for two reasons, because there is something in it for them to lie or because they are afraid to tell the truth! Children lie for many many reasons. To say there are only two main ones is blinkered. As you have not put down what the lie is The lie is irrelivant. The fact said child lied at all is the important issue. or whether it benefits the child to lie about it Well it didnt benfit anyone now did it? Child isnt going on trip. Child is upset. Child shouldnt have lied Full stop people can only assume that the child is scared of telling the truth to you Yes, people like you can wrongly assume anything they like. Its called a free country, freedom of speach, freedom of expression. and judging by the way you have handled the situation, ie, cancelling a promised trip and reducing the child to tears instead of trying to find out why the child has lied Ooooh, i must just stop you there. Now, if you look back a few of my posts you will see that i did exactly that. So your wrong, or just lying and we all know how i feel about lies now dont we:roll: Call me what you like Ok, i will. You are wrong. but please do not put up sarcastic remarks about being judgmental when you in fact have just done the very same thing by calling me freud Being called Freud is a complement, he was avery clever man. Are you not in the least bit concerned about why your child felt the need to lie in the first place Yeah, that must be it.. or are you too busy dishing out over reactory punishment to care? And again. I have a question for you. What would you have done so differently? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMoran Posted February 16, 2012 Author Share Posted February 16, 2012 Withdrawal of privileges, and "grounding" the child can be an effective "punishment", and preferable to corporal punishment. If your child has lied, then I think the sanctions you have used are a reasonable reaction to "punish" the child. You have shown your young'un that actions have consequences, and that he does not get a "reward" (the trip out) for behaving contrary to the standards you have set for him. (and I don't think that your expectations for your child to be truthful are standards that are too hard to follow) Thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMoran Posted February 16, 2012 Author Share Posted February 16, 2012 [/b] Do you not think the op should at least be finding out why the child decided to persistently lie Its only you who is of the opinion that i didnt do that. [/b] immediately stopping treats.. I dont call been asked 3, immediate. It a sad old world we live in if parents cannot even be remotely concerned as to WHY a child is lying rather then concentrating on scolding them for their actions Its a sad old world when someone thinks a parent is being too harsh when they remove a treat for bad behaviour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stranza Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 You feel guilty now, kids yours and you only want them to be happy, in this case, it's you that made them unhappy and it hurts you. Don't feel guilty feel proud that you are sacrificing your own feelings to show kid the right way to be! When kid is older and knows the difference between right and wrong, and knows that their actions will have consequences they will handle life much better than the kid whose parents told them it's ok to behave exactly as you like and nothing will ever happen. I had to punish my son a few years ago when he used a credit card that was linked to his xbox account to buy games. He was 13 so may not have understood credit cards or money even but he had asked if he could order the game twice and twice been told no then did it anyway so he didn't get to go to the bonfire and he had his xbox taken away for two weeks. I'm sure the people who think having a chat with no consequences is enough to show kid right from wrong mean well, sadly the big world isn't so forgiving so your right to show consequence and should be applauded! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghostrider Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 You feel guilty now, kids yours and you only want them to be happy, in this case, it's you that made them unhappy and it hurts you. Don't feel guilty feel proud that you are sacrificing your own feelings to show kid the right way to be! When kid is older and knows the difference between right and wrong, and knows that their actions will have consequences they will handle life much better than the kid whose parents told them it's ok to behave exactly as you like and nothing will ever happen. I had to punish my son a few years ago when he used a credit card that was linked to his xbox account to buy games. He was 13 so may not have understood credit cards or money even but he had asked if he could order the game twice and twice been told no then did it anyway so he didn't get to go to the bonfire and he had his xbox taken away for two weeks. I'm sure the people who think having a chat with no consequences is enough to show kid right from wrong mean well, sadly the big world isn't so forgiving so your right to show consequence and should be applauded! Well said, agree with that 100%. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucyjackson Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Its going straight over your head isnt it Mr Moran? Have you at any point today tried to find out the reasoning behind the lying or have you just concentrated on the fact the child HAS LIED. It is fine "teaching a child a lesson " but do not be surprised if the child lies again in future. By clamping down and stopping something the child was really looking forward to may well "teach" them not to lie again (i hope it does) but this is a double edged sword. You child eventually told you the truth and what did he get? He got his trip cancelled anyway so in effect the being honest did not work for him. It might also teach him that coming clean is the wrong thing to do as he was still punished anyway. You asked me in an early post what i would have done different, well for a start my main concern would have been WHY the child felt the need to lie and after that was established i would have discussed the punishment with my child instead of putting my foot down straight away and exerting my control of him. I would also have rewarded him for eventually coming clean and put in place measures to try to ensure that it did not happen again. I have always used this approach with my teenage son and can hand on heart say that i have NEVER EVER got any trouble from him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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