MrMoran Posted February 16, 2012 Author Share Posted February 16, 2012 Its going straight over your head isnt it Mr Moran? No, no it hasent. Im just trying to stay polite : Have you at any point today tried to find out the reasoning behind the lying or have you just concentrated on the fact the child HAS LIED. Like ive already said, i asked 3 times, was old alie each time, result??? Grounded until the truth is told! AND the reason for telling it It is fine "teaching a child a lesson " Good then we agree on the important part. By clamping down and stopping something the child was really looking forward to may well "teach" them not to lie again (i hope it does) but this is a double edged sword. Then i will have to be careful not to cut myself so to speak. All i want is honesty from both my kids. You child eventually told you the truth and what did he get? My child still hasent told me the truth yet. So your wrong . And what did he get? Nothing yet. He got his trip cancelled anyway so in effect the being honest did not work for him. . The tripo was cancelled because of dishonesty, not honesty. It might also teach him that coming clean is the wrong thing to do as he was still punished anyway. Or it may teach said child to not lie in the first place as its simply not worth it. You asked me in an early post what i would have done different, well for a start my main concern would have been WHY the child felt the need to lie As was mine and after that was established i would have discussed the punishment with my child instead of putting my foot down straight away and exerting my control of him. :hihi: I would also have rewarded him for eventually coming clean and put in place measures to try to ensure that it did not happen again. . Be prepared to visit your child in jail at some point. I have always used this approach with my teenage son and can hand on heart say that i have NEVER EVER got any trouble from him. Course you can. Well you would woundt you. Youve got an online persona to keep up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMoran Posted February 16, 2012 Author Share Posted February 16, 2012 Have you done now Lucy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucyjackson Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Have you done now Lucy? You seem to be getting quite defensive...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMoran Posted February 16, 2012 Author Share Posted February 16, 2012 You seem to be getting quite defensive...... Wrong again. You seem to be making a habit out of that. Nope, im just mearly answering your points and questions and wanting to know if you have any more points or questions you wish to raise? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucyjackson Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Have you done now Lucy? Whats all this about on line persona, i am the same on and off the computer. As for visiting my son in Jail.... most prisoners and general down n outs blame their crappy childhood on their actions...just a thought! My son is currently studying hard for his qualifications, he goes to the Army cadets twice a week and hopes to make it as an engineer within the Army. He is polite, HONEST, and respectful, he never hangs out on street corners getting high or drinking cheap cider and is always home on time. I like to thnk this is because of POSITIVE ENFORCEMENT PARENTING Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucyjackson Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Wrong again. You seem to be making a habit out of that. Nope, im just mearly answering your points and questions and wanting to know if you have any more points or questions you wish to raise? All i have done is given my opinion on an open forum, thats what its here for isnt it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMoran Posted February 16, 2012 Author Share Posted February 16, 2012 Whats all this about on line persona, i am the same on and off the computer. Then you are in the minority As for visiting my son in Jail.... most prisoners and general down n outs blame their crappy childhood on their actions...just a thought! More generalisations from young Lucy. But ill endulge you a little while longer. Most may (i dont know as i dont have any contact with prisons and the like so ill have to take your word for it) but then so what? They are in prison, they will blame what ever makes them feel better about being in prison. Just a thought My son is currently studying hard for his qualifications, he goes to the Army cadets twice a week and hopes to make it as an engineer within the Army. Fingers crossed if he makes it into the army hes not sent to one of the worlds many trouble spots He is polite, HONEST, Hmm, so is mine which is why i was so shocked which is why my child is now grounded. Your point? and respectful, he never hangs out on street corners getting high or drinking cheap cider and is always home on time. Sounds like he has the stable influence of a good Dad. Good for him I like to thnk this is because of POSITIVE ENFORCEMENT PARENTING I like to think father christmas is real:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
esme Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 Mod Note Posts deleted for insults along with any quotes and so on, keep it civil please. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubble3082 Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 I agree to a point, but it depends on the severity of the lie for me. I totally respect in your eyes a lie is a lie, but I would personally fit the punishment to the offence. If they'd lied about eg. watching TV for 1/2 hour longer than they should, then to me thats not as bad as lying about stealing, fighting etc. and so would give a lesser punishment. It would also depend upon the age of a child, ie. a 3 year old won't tend to understand lying is wrong as much as a 10 year old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cgksheff Posted February 16, 2012 Share Posted February 16, 2012 The withdrawal of the treat for repeated lying as described seems sensible. What I am aware of is that sometimes children do not have the language, the emotional development or the understanding to explain the questioning of "why did you lie". They screwed up. Now they know it it but I think that you just have to accept the first "I don't know why" and leave it at that. I have memories of being harangued for similar reasons as a child. Why did I do it? ... now I guess it was to try and avoid punishment without realising I would get caught out ... then? "I didn't know what to say". If it is worth it, one bit of stuff that I find has worked is to make sure that (depending on the severity of the "crime") there is usually no come-back if the truth is told first time. "OK ... we have a problem. Now let's sort it together". I even reassure them and thank them for their honesty and try to get them to want to come and tell me rather than letting me find out. "Things get solved before they can get too serious". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.