Putting one's foot down

[hard2miss]

You mean a child never choses to lie?

A child does choose to lie yes, but understanding what goes into making that choice is the first step to getting the acceptable decision of not lying.

 

I am not trying to judge you believe it or not, its your life, but I also was beat into being too scared to tell a lie (eventually)) and I chose to do things different.

 

Now I trust my kids enough that I believe them and they trust me enough to tell the truth in the first place regardless of the punishment.

Gaining trust gains respect and they then do not wish to let you down and the behavior is better where they do not need to lie.

[gnvqsos]

Loads mate, loads and loads.

I got pasting after pasting for it too so learned not to lie.

Well, there was also an incident where i fired a pellet gun at someones window and they called the police who paid mum and dad a visit i tried to lie my way out of it till the copper (PC Whiticker) said, "Listen son, to be a liar you need a good memory, you havent got that so tell the truth"

I did, i was punnished and ive never lied to anyones face since.

 

Does this mean you lie behind peoples backs?

[MrMoran]

A child does choose to lie yes, but understanding what goes into making that choice is the first step to getting the acceptable decision of not lying.

 

I am not trying to judge you believe it or not, its your life, but I also was beat into being too scared to tell a lie (eventually)) and I chose to do things different.

 

Now I trust my kids enough that I believe them and they trust me enough to tell the truth in the first place regardless of the punishment.

Gaining trust gains respect and they then do not wish to let you down and the behavior is better where they do not need to lie.

 

My bold.

Ohhh, dont worry. I dont care if you are. Personaly, and bareing in mind i dont care i willl say, thats exactly what youve done.

 

My bold underlined

I trust my kids also, and for the last time (this one being for the purely ignorant ones who dont want to listen) it was a complete, 100% shock that i was lied to.

And lied to again.

And finaly again

 

Like i say, said child had ample chance to say "sorry Dad, yeah i did it".

But chose to lose out on a trip instead.

[MrMoran]

Does this mean you lie behind peoples backs?

 

No.................

[kittenta]

If your child has to lie to you then there is a bigger underlying problems such as respect and trust.

 

Trust because the child does not feel that you could be capable of being proportionate in any punishment, and the parent disbelieves anything out of hand what the child says.

 

Respect because the child feels that it is better to lie than rely on parental judgment, and the parent feels that the child is not meeting their expectations highlighting falling's in that parenting.

 

Mutual respect relies on trust from both parties and if you are at a point where that is lost then no matter what either side says it is not going to be acceptable to the other and relationship breaks down.

 

Sometimes the issues aren't so deep.

 

My son left his placement early because his friend does it to get out of the written part of the course, expected on the placement. He doesn't like it so lies to get out of it. He lied to me because he knows full well that I won't say 'oh that's fine, if you don't want to learn anything and would prefer a life on the dole, skip as many classes as you like love'.

 

And before we go there, it isn't because he struggles with the work, we all know he's capable of it, he's shown us he's capable of it and we tell him (and he knows) he's capable of it. He simply can't be bothered to do it, he's a teenage lad, life is about skateboards and scooters!

 

He needs to learn that working hard equals rewards (employment equals money equals being able to afford things) and that telling lies and leaving early will get him nowhere (no work equals no wages equals a very crap life).

[kittenta]

My bold.

Ohhh, dont worry. I dont care if you are. Personaly, and bareing in mind i dont care i willl say, thats exactly what youve done.

 

My bold underlined

I trust my kids also, and for the last time (this one being for the purely ignorant ones who dont want to listen) it was a complete, 100% shock that i was lied to.

And lied to again.

And finaly again

 

Like i say, said child had ample chance to say "sorry Dad, yeah i did it".

But chose to lose out on a trip instead.

 

So where was the trip to?

[MrMoran]

So where was the trip to?

 

Some Science museum in leicestershire.

[Plain Talker]

My late mum also despised liars. She had a saying

 

"You can get to the bottom of a thief, but you can't get to the bottom of a liar"

[hard2miss]

My late mum also despised liars. She had a saying

 

"You can get to the bottom of a thief, but you can't get to the bottom of a liar"

 

I don't know, MrMorans dad did ok with his belt.

[hard2miss]

Sometimes the issues aren't so deep.

 

My son left his placement early because his friend does it to get out of the written part of the course, expected on the placement. He doesn't like it so lies to get out of it. He lied to me because he knows full well that I won't say 'oh that's fine, if you don't want to learn anything and would prefer a life on the dole, skip as many classes as you like love'.

 

And before we go there, it isn't because he struggles with the work, we all know he's capable of it, he's shown us he's capable of it and we tell him (and he knows) he's capable of it. He simply can't be bothered to do it, he's a teenage lad, life is about skateboards and scooters!

 

He needs to learn that working hard equals rewards (employment equals money equals being able to afford things) and that telling lies and leaving early will get him nowhere (no work equals no wages equals a very crap life).

Your talking of a rational teen, I believe, not an 8 year old kid.