cheshirecat7 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 My daughter was an Explorer until she left the area to go to Uni last September and it was a wonderful experience for her. She got to do the things that teenagers dream of doing such as running around Sherwood pines around different activities through out the night - brilliantly supervised and having a fantastic time. She has friends all over the country and fantastic social skills and clear views on her morals as a result of the experience. She has been free to experience fun but I have never been concerned for her safety in any way. Had I tried to stop her I think I would have lost a lot more and that maybe it would have put her at more risk as to get the amount of fun and excitement that she got in these safe places in the normal community she would have had to put her self in far more risky settings. I have long since learnt too that taking things away from young people that they like such as this only makes them more determined to go further than they would have done had you not done anything. If your daughter is truly unhappy with what happened then that is a different matter, but then to be in the group is for slightly older young people and even then is very wide ranging in age/ development etc. to put your daughter in younger is not really fair on anyone. You perhaps have lost her an opportunity to participate in something that my daughter would not have missed for the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irenewilde Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 At the age of 14, it's highly likely that a fair number of her friends - and it could well be more than half of them - are no longer virgins. . I think that's highly unlikely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adyfife Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 My daughter was an Explorer until she left the area to go to Uni last September and it was a wonderful experience for her. She got to do the things that teenagers dream of doing such as running around Sherwood pines around different activities through out the night - brilliantly supervised and having a fantastic time. She has friends all over the country and fantastic social skills and clear views on her morals as a result of the experience. She has been free to experience fun but I have never been concerned for her safety in any way. Had I tried to stop her I think I would have lost a lot more and that maybe it would have put her at more risk as to get the amount of fun and excitement that she got in these safe places in the normal community she would have had to put her self in far more risky settings. I have long since learnt too that taking things away from young people that they like such as this only makes them more determined to go further than they would have done had you not done anything. If your daughter is truly unhappy with what happened then that is a different matter, but then to be in the group is for slightly older young people and even then is very wide ranging in age/ development etc. to put your daughter in younger is not really fair on anyone. You perhaps have lost her an opportunity to participate in something that my daughter would not have missed for the world. i didnt put her in, she's been moved up from scouts so i assumed that 14 was the age to move up as it was them that moved her up, i do agree with you though, my daughter has had some fantastic times with the scouts and hopefully will continue with the explorers, im meeting with one of the leaders tomorrow evening to discuss whats happened, thanks for your views Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cheshirecat7 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Sounds like you are doing the right thing and my finger are crossed for you both I am sorry regarding the age thing - I assumed - I should know better! Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rachgee Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I wouldn't report him to the police at this point. If it was a misunderstanding (or the facts weren't clear) it could really ruin any confidence he has. I would speak to the group leader and voice your concerns. I think if in their opinion it needed to be took further (e.g he's done this before), then do so. I think the age difference is a little bit too much personally. I would try and encourage my daughter, if she really liked him to "just be friends" and see how that went. Any talk of lap dancing etc is a little inappropriate and a little disrespectful - explain this is not really normal goings on in a teenage romance. Good luck with everything, it's nice to see your daughter open up to you. I didn't when I was 15 yrs old and had a boyfriend at 18! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adyfife Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 thanks for the advice rachgee (and everyone else) this is the youngest of my three daughters so i guess i dont want her to grow up,lol,, daddys little girl and all that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smkk2012 Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 Yeah i do think you should inform the police,then they can have a would with the organisers. They will take police more seriously then you speaking to them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gravity labs Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 i didnt put her in, she's been moved up from scouts so i assumed that 14 was the age to move up as it was them that moved her up, i do agree with you though, my daughter has had some fantastic times with the scouts and hopefully will continue with the explorers, im meeting with one of the leaders tomorrow evening to discuss whats happened, thanks for your views Generally people join about 14 and a half, but if they come from scouts, they have around a 6 month period where they attend both (A kind of adjustment time). Or a group may go up at the same time, to keep friendships together, so you may get some younger 14 year olds move up. As has been said before, the leaders cant supervise at all hours and will rely on the older members to inform them on any problems. You are right to talk to the leaders, but dont go over board. Teenagers are all young, imature, and learning new things. You need to be careful and not to embaras your daughter. I was an explorer leader before I moved upto sheffield, and you try and stay within the rules etc, ie sleeping arrangements, as the media has created a mindset in some people that has gone too far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poshperson Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 When I was 18 I met and dated a girl I met at the library. Never asked her age but I guessed 16. She was 14! Well I was too polite to drop her because of her age. She was very mature even for a 16 year old. I just let it fizzle out like you do. Plus I wouldn't dare let my friends find out I was seeing a 14 year old. Nice girl though, pity about her age. This 17 year old may be an immature 17 year old and this girl a mature 14 year old. Probably perfect for one another. Some 14 year olds I knew when I was a teenager was way ahead of their years. I would not go to the police, there has not been a crime committed. I would have a word with the supervisors though even if its only for them to have a word with this lad that there has been a complaint against him and they are keeping their eyes on him. Getting the police involved could ruin this lad for what is probably nothing. Don't forget it takes two to tango. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zanna Posted February 20, 2012 Share Posted February 20, 2012 I think people have been pretty mean and judgemental AGAIN on here (some not all obvs) - No sorry i dont think its ok for a 17yr old boy to be getting with a 14yr old. - quite frankly i dont think it matters a jot if your daughter "consented" - i think its disgusting that one of the forumers sggested you tell your daughter to not kiss strangers?!?! thats NO advice - the comment about how you wouldnt be complaining if she were 20 and he 23 - the explorers group leaders need to be spoken to. they have completely failed in their duties - report them to whichever governing body monitors them - id speak with the boys parents and advise them that you WILL be going to the police if the relationship in consumated "Sexual Offences Act 2003. A person can only lawfully consent to ANY sexual activity at the age of 16. A person under the age of 16, but aged 13 or over, can give consent, but it is not "lawful" consent. That means that if one party (whichever, whether it be the male, the female, or a partner in a same-sex relationship), is aged 13 to 16, then the older party has committed sexual assault. The reason for this is that it is considered slightly less serious than rape, as he did have consent, even if that consent was not lawful" Follow your beliefs, protect your daughter, im only 25 and im no prude. At 14 years old, it is not appropriate for her to have a 17yr boyfriend. Good luck XXX Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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