adyfife Posted February 20, 2012 Author Share Posted February 20, 2012 thanks zanna, i dont believe im a prude either, ive always had quite open conversations with all 3 daughters when it comes to relationships, but something doesnt feel right with a 17 yr old dating a 14yr old, i know its only 3 yrs and if my other 2 daughters 21 & 25 dated someone 10yrs senior it wouldnt bother me becouse all adults relativley have the same mindset when it comes to relationships, but i dont think that a 14 yrs has the same mindset as a 17 yrs,my daughter felt she had done something wrong and that is why she confided in me and her mum,there was no arguing or shouting we just explained to her why we didnt find it appropriate for her to be dating a 17yr old, the thing is this you lad is going to have to grow up quickly becouse in less than 12 months time he will be 18 and the can imagine it will be a lot more serious if he trys to date a 14yr old Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zanna Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Thats exactly how i would have wanted my mum to deal with it too. I think you are right, i wouldnt be happy with it at all... At 18 he would definitely run the risk of being charged with statutory rape... Point that out to him. AND if he really cares about her, then he'll be more than happy to wait until she is older... Good luck and deffo report that explorer group!!! xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leah-Lacie Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Thats exactly how i would have wanted my mum to deal with it too. I think you are right, i wouldnt be happy with it at all... At 18 he would definitely run the risk of being charged with statutory rape... Point that out to him. AND if he really cares about her, then he'll be more than happy to wait until she is older... Good luck and deffo report that explorer group!!! xxx I may well be wrong, but doesn't statutory rape only come in when one party is under 12 and the other older? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leah-Lacie Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 And though the consent given by an under 16 year old is 'unlawful' the police don't do anything... Nothing happens when 13, 14, and 15 year old girls get pregnant by boys from school and such like, half the male teenage population would be in jail! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rupert_Baehr Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Well, in about a year's time, that new 18 yr old would be dating a 15 year old. - Not a problem, provided the relationship doesn't go beyond 'dating'. I hope your discussion with the Leader was fruitful. - If you're not satisfied with the outcome, then I repeat my suggestion that you talk to the District Commissioner. (S)he will probably be rather older than the Leader and rather more experienced. I'm no longer involved with Scouting (I'm officially too old ) It's easy enough to keep young children (5-13) interested in Scouting, but after that age, they are in the 'troubled teenager' years and many of them do not want to be associated with 'the little kids'. AFAIR; the Explorers were started to provide a 'more acceptable' form of Scouting for those who didn't want to give it up, but didn't want to be with the younger ones. Explorers need a 'light touch' - they will leave if they feel that the adults are being too overbearing - but they also need a firm touch. As another poster said, the leaders are 'in loco parentis' but - like real parents - they are dealing with teenagers! There was considerable discussion (about 12 years ago) about the advisabilty of mixed-sex camping. - Not a problem with large groups, but very difficult with small groups on weekend/overnight camps. If I took 2 boys camping, then (besides getting permission from my own DC and the DC of the district in which I intended to camp) I could get away with 2 male leaders. If one child cut his arm and needed medical treatment, we could all pile into one car and take the boy to get medical care. If there were 3 boys, then I would need 4 male leaders, - 2 to take the injured boy to get medical care and another 2 adults to look after the other 2 boys. If there were 2 boys and 2 girls camping, then I needed 4 male leaders and 4 female leaders - not only must no child be left alone with a single adult, but the adults looking after the child must be of the same sex as the child. The rules may be (I don't know) more relaxed for Explorers, but there isn't a great deal of difference between a child who is 13yrs 11 mos old and one who is 14 yrs and one week old. The simple answer would be to say: "No mixed-sex camping for explorers". Whether the Explorers would survive as a group or not is another matter. Alternatively, Explorers going on mixed-sex camping trips could be required to take at least 2 male and 2 female (mature) adult leaders with them. I don't know whether the Explorers would be too happy about that - some of them might just quit - and where would the Leaders come from? Leaders are unpaid volunteers. - in fact, they pay to be unpaid volunteers. (Scouting cost me between £1200 - £1500 a year and took up 400-500 hours of my time.) Leaders are usually recruited from ex-Scouts who are adults or parents of Scouts/Ex-Scouts. If 4 leaders are required for a mixed-sex camp and there aren't 4 leaders, then there can be no camp. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheffgrow Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 alternatively let her join the air cadets my daughter has been in it 3 years with no problems Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plain Talker Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Tough one I doubt the police would do much. would you be complaining if she was 20 and he was 23? I think there's a vast difference in age from someone of 14 and someone of 20, as well as a big difference in the 17 year old and the 23 year old. The changes physically, mentally, and emotionally are massive, even from 14 to 18 in a young woman. Saying that, I'd be very concerned if the girl were only 14 and the bloke was 20 and up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan of S5 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Let your daughter do what she wants... be her mate, not her dictator, be clever about it. It's the only way to get a youths respect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan of S5 Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 That way you will always be the shoulder she runs to when she's in real trouble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyclone Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 thanks zanna, i dont believe im a prude either, ive always had quite open conversations with all 3 daughters when it comes to relationships, but something doesnt feel right with a 17 yr old dating a 14yr old, i know its only 3 yrs and if my other 2 daughters 21 & 25 dated someone 10yrs senior it wouldnt bother me becouse all adults relativley have the same mindset when it comes to relationships, but i dont think that a 14 yrs has the same mindset as a 17 yrs,my daughter felt she had done something wrong and that is why she confided in me and her mum,there was no arguing or shouting we just explained to her why we didnt find it appropriate for her to be dating a 17yr old, the thing is this you lad is going to have to grow up quickly becouse in less than 12 months time he will be 18 and the can imagine it will be a lot more serious if he trys to date a 14yr old Did you consider speaking to your other daughters about it, they're old enough to have a sensible opinion, but young enough to remember what being 14 is like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.