barleycorn Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 this comment obviously refers to the HIV virus and therefore is not only irrelevant to this thread it is insulting I think it may have been an attempt at humour. jb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeadingNorth Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 I think it may have been an attempt at humour. jb A badly-judged one in hindsight, I think, but anyone who actually intended to make that sort of insult seriously, would have had a lot more to say on the subject. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
epiphany Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 this comment obviously refers to the HIV virus and therefore is not only irrelevant to this thread it is insulting Please, if I was being serious I wouldn't use the phrase "catch the gay", would I? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badlittlepup Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Please, if I was being serious I wouldn't use the phrase "catch the gay", would I? I always believed one was 'in the gays' and joined rather like the Women's Institute or a gentleman's club on Pall Mall. I hear one runs the risk of being blackballed for membership of the gays if one wears polyester, bri-nylon or anything from the Primarni. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Erikson Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 We don't know do we, perhaps he will enlighten us. But I'm just pointing out that there are a lot of ways that sexuality comes up at work and it can't necessarily be brused under the carpet, if you want it completely taken out of work it comes up in lots of ways indirectly so it can't just be a matter of 'don't come out at work keep it private' because you don't expect it to work the other way round for people who are heterosexual to keep their sexuality a secret too. Did I say keep it private? You assume so much yet know so little. I asked why the OP would wish to come out at work. Now the OP has been kind enough to explain how his sexuality came into a conversation, I understand and have no further questions. There are a lot of ways in which sexuality can come out in question. I shall go back to my original point of no-one should be proclaiming their sexuality or sex life at work. If it is found out through ordinary conversations about the weekend, partners and shopping then that's fine. My original point was purely about coming out at work. Which the OP didn't actually do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badlittlepup Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Did I say keep it private? You assume so much yet know so little. I asked why the OP would wish to come out at work. Now the OP has been kind enough to explain how his sexuality came into a conversation, I understand and have no further questions. There are a lot of ways in which sexuality can come out in question. I shall go back to my original point of no-one should be proclaiming their sexuality or sex life at work. If it is found out through ordinary conversations about the weekend, partners and shopping then that's fine. My original point was purely about coming out at work. Which the OP didn't actually do. Yes he did. Coming out doesn't necessarily have to be a big song and dance and an orchestrated announcement. The vast majority of 'coming outs' are exactly like the OP described. You just automatically assumed that coming out has to be some kind of big official announcement when most of the time it isn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Erikson Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Yes he did. Coming out doesn't necessarily have to be a big song and dance and an orchestrated announcement. The vast majority of 'coming outs' are exactly like the OP described. You just automatically assumed that coming out has to be some kind of big official announcement when most of the time it isn't. Stop assuming, it makes you look silly. When the OP writes: I came out today, i decided to do it at work. My friend spat at me and told me hed better not see me near his kids. Sounds to me like a calculated decision to tell your friends about your sexuality, which was what I originally questioned. To do that at work is simply not professional. The OP later clarified that he came out in conversation. My point was answered in a roundabout way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Badlittlepup Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Stop assuming, it makes you look silly. When the OP writes: Sounds to me like a calculated decision to tell your friends about your sexuality, which was what I originally questioned. To do that at work is simply not professional. The OP later clarified that he came out in conversation. My point was answered in a roundabout way. I'm not assuming anything, you're the one who looks silly. You've been watching too many American TV shows for teenagers. 'Coming out' happens in a lot of ways, the OP came out because something came up in conversation - still had the same result, he came out to his workmates. He did 'come out'. You just seem to be under the impression that coming out has to be some big official announcement which is deliberately made and planned whereas it wasn't in this case and usually isn't. Now you're just backtracking because you were wrong. Can't be bothered to discuss it with you anymore, you were wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Muldoon Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Yes he did. Coming out doesn't necessarily have to be a big song and dance and an orchestrated announcement. The vast majority of 'coming outs' are exactly like the OP described. You just automatically assumed that coming out has to be some kind of big official announcement when most of the time it isn't. Mine was and I don't give a hoot about it. Take me as I am or leave me alone is my motto. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olive Posted February 21, 2012 Share Posted February 21, 2012 Actually, at first glance it could have been taken to read that the OP made a calculated decision to announce for the first time that he is gay and that this announcement was made at work. Never mind, that's clearly not the case, as has been explained. But I do think that when asking for advice / opinions, it's important to provide more context, otherwise you get all of this speculation and misunderstanding. To the OP, I really hope your working day went a lot better today. Your colleague reacted apallingly. What flippin' century is he living in? What a moron. I suspect (and hope) your other workmates were more shocked and embarrassed by this idiot's reaction and not your sexual orientation. You've every right to go to HR and report the incident, spitting at someone is disgusting behaviour and shouldn't be tolerated for any reason. Sounds like you had plenty of witnesses as well. I wouldn't be surprised if now they've had time to digest the situation, they'd be happy to back you up. I wish you all the best. Even if you have no reason to 'come out' in an official announcement kind of way, it's no fun at all living day to day and not being entirely truthful about yourself, you have to have a blummin good memory for a start, and if you're naturally an honest person it goes against the grain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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