Central University Neepsend Tip Site

[Phanerothyme]

At least you have plenty of Academic Vigour; in the study of the Arse this can be a liability - but it's a prerequisite for more probing enquiries.

[timo]

Phan,

Whilst I, as the most senior representative of Central University Neepsend Tip Site, do not wish to start a public argument, I cannot help but think that your hostility towards the Faculty of Arse and Sciences stems from our rejection of your latest 'academic' paper for our 'Beyond Nothingness and Unintelligibilty: Towards a Post-Unintelligibilty?' collection, co-edited by Professor Lord Chaverly and Dr. Gideon Yehudi Ben-Dover. Frankly, your 'A Treatise in Pure Unintelligibility' is out of date. The 'Post-Unintelligibilty' school of Chaverly and Ben-Dover, M'Bemba, Finklestein and Tossoffski, Shriek and Prepuce etc is 'where it's at', in modern parlance, in the discipline of Unintelligibility Studies.

[LordChaverly]

You are correct Timo in your analysis of the root causes of the ire directed at centre of excellence. Situated as we are at the cutting edge of Unintelligibility studies, and unstinting in our efforts to push forward the boundaries of incomprehension even further, only the most advanced, RAEable papers, by leading exponents in the field are considered worthy of publication.

 

Incidentally, the Faculty's graduation song, to be voiced by our own choir on ceremonial occasions, has now been agreed by our Senate sub-committee. After much heated discussion, it was decided not to set Paul Gascoigne's recent acceptance speech to music, in favour of the following.

 

Twas brillig, and the slithy toves

Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:

All mimsy were the borogoves,

And the mome raths outgrabe

 

Ah, the the old ones are usually the best.

[timo]

Indeed they are, dear Chaverly, indeed they are. The 'Jabberwocky' song, our sacred tune, will echo to the rafters when our first year batch of Arse and Sciences graduates proudly step on to the podium to receive Degrees in Unintelligibility Studies, Applied Alcopop Studies, Beyonce Studies etc on graduation day. One hopes that the occasion will prove to be one in which graduates learn the true meaning of what it is to be a graduate of Central University Neepsend Tip Site. I think that the caps and gowns, displaying the bold initials of the University name, will serve to drive that message home to them.

 

See you later in the staff room, old bean.

[Hopman]

The idea of combining the medical side with the English facility is a bold one to create the world's first Department of Anagrammatical Anatomy. I hope future funding will be found so that the transplant programme can continue. See the recent Press Release for more details:

 

"There have been viler and dinkey transplants in the past, we want to do arthe transplants, but such operations cost a mar and a gel."

 

The corridors will soon resound to the song of the department: "I've got you under my niks..."

[timo]

Ah, Professor Hopman, how nice of you to drop by. Full marks to you, sir, for your revolutionary anagrammatical approach to transplant surgery. Who wants to be a member of the B.M.A anyway? There will always be a place for you as Head of Anagrammatical Anatomy here at C.U., just as there will always be a place for your colleague, Dr. Slimsid , who so uniquely combines Women's Studies with Gynaecology.

 

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT

The Central University Neepsend Tip Site wishes to apologise for any inconvenience or confusion caused by a printing error on page 56 of our 2006-2007 prospectus. We would like to make it clear, in view of the thousands of enquiries we have received, that the Department of Boating and Proctology offers 'Canal Fun' for students.

[max]

How about a motto for the university:

 

Sine ardua ad vauxhall astra?

[timo]

'Sine Ardua Ad Vauxhall Astra' it is! Thankyou, dear Max. We are just about ready to take our rightful place in the world of Higher Education. However, we still need a University crest. The banana-yellow and lime green cap and gowns emblazoned with the initials of the University name are terribly fetching, but it would be nice to have a proper crest with the motto underneath. I will put the matter to Senate for any suggestions. In the meantime, we at C.U. are open to ideas.

[max]

An idea for a crest:

 

A shield d'or sporting a chav couchant atop a leaf of cannabis sativa surmounted by crossed white Adidas Airmax.

[timo]

Superb suggestion, Max, and one which I shall put immediately to the Senate committee. I do not envisage any objections here. The crest and motto will soon take their proud place amongst the symbols of British educational excellence. How nicely they will go with the banana-yellow and lime green cap and gowns, emblazoned with the University initials. Our students will feel like they really 'belong', in modern parlance.