Central University Neepsend Tip Site

[Hopman]

From the Students' Handbook 2006-2007 edition.

 

Please note that if attending what is termed a "Pea and Pie Supper", this refers to the custom of serving vegetables with the said pie. Should you wish to wash your hands before the meal, use the washbasin, please.

 

Religious observance.

 

It is hoped that visitors will place gifts of money in the boxes inside churches marked "For the sick".

 

I know there has been some confusion on these matters.

[Hopman]

The planned merger between the Departments of Advanced Alliteration and Spomplex Coonerisms has been put on hold. In a Press Release put out by the Head of the Faculty Humphrey von Krötenstein declared:

 

"I can solemnly state that these plans will not fear bruit. Initial indications suggested that there was a mossibilty of perger, not just with the two designated departments, but with the Division of Clackneyed Hichés. I can categorically confirm that mo nergers will take place - wot on my natch. Any pernicious planning for Academic Amalgamation will take place over my bed dody."

 

Please note no animals were harmed in the testing of these spoonerisms.

[CockneyMafia]

Is there no 2007/08 prospectus?

[Hopman]

All prospectuses for previous years will be valid in the future, once the Dept of Correction run by Miss Thwack has finished pasting over the old dates with the new ones. This is expected to be some time in the New Year, since the Department are currently awaiting delivery of a John Bull Printing outfit.

From all accounts Miss Thwack's current outfit is not suitable for this purpose.

[liam1412]

Hillsborough faculty of procrastination studies would like to offer a BA(Hons) in Timewasting (advanced)

I will write the prospectus.

 

 

 

Tomorrow.

 

Absolute bloody Genius (sp) :hihi:

 

(ha ha how ironic that im struggling on the spelling of that word)

[mort]

Dear Vice Chancellor,

I notice with interest that there has been no mention of catering for the moral and physical well-being of your students. The recent closure of the Broomhill Unaligned School for Troubled Elite Boys has left me sadly bereft of employment. I held the post of matron there for a number of years and I think i can safely say that my care of the boys will be rembered fondly. Perhaps you would care to comment on the possiblily of my gaining employment in your august establishment.

 

Matron

 

PS. I was also accustomed to handling 'disicplinary' matters, perhaps Ms Thwack could use a helping hand?

I am also qualified in archery, etiquette and malicious lingering.

 

I keenly await your response.

[Hopman]

2011 Update

I know some of you have expressed concern about some restrictions to budgets and how this may affect courses run by Central University. While it is true that we have increased tuition fees to £8000, we do offer some flexible payment schemes. For those paying in cash (used, unmarked, non consecutive notes please) we offer up to a £2000 discount depending on the carrier bag. Ms Thwack is always pleased to receive interesting bags from prospective students (and indeed staff as well) and is available for private functions where she will entertain diners with tales of debagging the Dean.

 

 

In some departments cutbacks have meant merging what to the untutored eye may seem strange bedfellows. The Department of Mathematics has joined forces with the Reptile Section of the Department of Biology and the result is adders which multiply.

 

The Skool of Journalism option of Phone Hacking has merged with the little used (especially in this city) Department of Road Mending so that in future journalists will know how to cover their tracks.

 

Have no worries about Central University.

Edited August 16, 2011 by Hopman
corrective action (capitalisation)

[Mikes10]

One of the coarses in your University should Be: Time Wasting Academic Teaching Studies

[Hopman]

Has anyone seen any of this year's graduates at Central University?