Blondie73 Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 My daughter is now 16.Here's a long story cut short. We had a relationship which lasted only a few months and he left me pregnant and went to work in another town.Despite this he saw her a handful of times when she was a baby,but gave me no money for her.He moved away and got married and never saw her again until she was 5 years old.We bumped into each other one night and he asked to meet her.I gave him what for until he grovelled so after all the promises on not to hurt her I let him see her aged 5.For her sake,not his.He and his wife saw her about 4 times when he would take her for tea.One time her dropped her off at mine saying he would give me a bell,that was 11 years ago.No contact or financial support has been made what so ever during this time. He has now used a lad who's goes to the same school as my daughter who he knows aswell to ask my daughter if she wants to meet him.He now is with another partner and has a 1 year old son with her and taken on her young daughter from a previous relationship.He lives not far from us to now. I am so angry that he has tried to go behind my back this way.He has done NOTHING for her ever and has dropped her like a brick twice in her life now.She has been brought up by her step dad since 6 and me and he is very hurt as he has been the dad she never had.My daughter is curious and I think she wants to meet him and her little brother. I have warned her about his character and don't know what to do.Anyone had a similar experience? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMoran Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Hes a nob. Hes got NO rights to see that girl but id still talk to her about it anyway. Lay it on the line, warts and all. Dont leave anything out and let her make her own choice. From what youve put im pretty sure your a good person and a decent mother so if your daughter is anything like you shell suss him out quick smart. Most important thing is dont hide anything from your daughter. Her "dad" would only find a way to use it to his advantage and against you. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondie73 Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 What worries me is my daughter is already trying to defend his actions. I tried for CSA twice.First time he denied she was his and made me out to be a slag(despite signing a document to agree to be on her birth certificate and witnessed by a solicitor,as he was not in town at the time,some months before hand).I said I would agree to DNA test but it never happened.Aged 5 after what he did I tried again but it came back he was paying £0.00,but could not be told a reason by them,I assumed he was not working at the time.My husband said he would bring her up,we didn't need his money so I did not appeal.Because of this my daughter said to us it's OUR fault he never paid anything for her?!!!Also she said people change and he stayed away because I hate him so she can see both sides!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ sheffield Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 He sounds like a right tool. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Erikson Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Any child would be curios about their parent. Sadly, you have no choice in the matter, if she wants to see him, she will. Personally I think you should carefully encourage it. If the man is unlikely to stay around then let her find this out early. The last thing you want to do is make your daughter feel you are keeping her from her father. Children need to make their own minds up about the absent parent. Good luck to you and your daughter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audra Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 MrMorans description is spot on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMoran Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 What worries me is my daughter is already trying to defend his actions. I tried for CSA twice.First time he denied she was his and made me out to be a slag(despite signing a document to agree to be on her birth certificate and witnessed by a solicitor,as he was not in town at the time,some months before hand).I said I would agree to DNA test but it never happened.Aged 5 after what he did I tried again but it came back he was paying £0.00,but could not be told a reason by them,I assumed he was not working at the time.My husband said he would bring her up,we didn't need his money so I did not appeal.Because of this my daughter said to us it's OUR fault he never paid anything for her?!!!Also she said people change and he stayed away because I hate him so she can see both sides!!! Then im sorry but you have a problem and as much as id like to give you the solution i just cant. All i can say is people can change but this tool probably wont. Let he find out for herself what hes like and just be there to pick up the pieces afterwards. Not ideal i know but i cant see any other way to solve it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeadingNorth Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 MrMorans description is spot on Morally, yes. Legally, no. Unless there is actually a court order forbidding the father to make contact, she has no right at all to stop him from seeing his daughter. In cases like this she very probably should have a right to stop him - but she doesn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willman Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Taking a step back from the failures to date, which is difficult. BUT the daughter now probably has contradictory information likely also some sort of desire to be wanted by her birth father. The best way forward is to keep quiet and support her decision with a caveat that "he" isn't to be brought to you rhome etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrMoran Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Morally, yes. Legally, no. Unless there is actually a court order forbidding the father to make contact, she has no right at all to stop him from seeing his daughter. In cases like this she very probably should have a right to stop him - but she doesn't. The OPs daughter is 16 though. Wont that make a difference? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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