HeadingNorth Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 The OPs daughter is 16 though. Wont that make a difference? Probably not in the eyes of the law. It would be taken into account in a custody battle - at sixteen they usually let you choose where you want to live - but the father still has access rights. In any event, as has been pointed out, from a practical viewpoint it doesn't matter what Mom says and it would'nt matter what a court said. If she wants to meet up with him she will, and if she doesn't she won't. The only sensible course of action the OP has open to her, is to be honest about everything and hope that her daughter is smart enough to recognise honesty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alternageek Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 I have warned her about his character and don't know what to do.Anyone had a similar experience? I think you just need to do what youve done. Let her meet him. He'll probably be mr wonderful for her for awhile, but hell probably start to disappoint her at some point and you just need to be there to pick up the pieces. I'd also see if shes wanting to continue her education at college or uni, seeing if hes willing to help share the financial costs with you. He cant make up for the past, but if hes genuine about wanting to be in her life, he may help with the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medusa Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 As a loving mum who wants nothing but the best for her daughter I think that the only thing you can do is to give her as much information as she wants, allow her to explore her feelings and her potential relationship with her genetic father and then guarantee to be there with a hug and a box of tissues when he hurts her and she needs to find a way to go forwards in the knowledge that her dad is a useless and uncaring waste of space. Nobody should ever treat a child like he has treated her, but there's just no way that you can deny him access to her, either legally or morally because he does legally have a right to have access and she does have a right to know and to make up her own mind about him. When she does make up her own mind (and if she's half the young woman that you have brought her up to be she will do that, rest assured) she will be hurt that he has treated her in such a disgusting way and you can be there to make sure that she knows that the problem is with him, not with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annina Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 I agree with all that has already been said,but the thought struck me,is he after a free babysitter???? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Location114 Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 I really wanted to say i agree with how you have gone about it because you seem a really geniune person. But i think you have done things the wrong way you shouldnt be advising your daughter what his character is as you dont know because you have not seen him for 10 years or so also in a situation such as this its all about your daughter wanting to discover who "she" is and by you telling her what hes like you have took that from her. The only thing you will do by doing that is push her closer towards him purely because she will be intrigued to know why he is such a bad character etc. If you ask me the correct method to go about it would have been to sit your daughter down explain it isnt really what you want but as a loving parent you will be there for her. For the love of god tho dont tell your daughter your opinion on this bloke because if you do in a few months time she will resent you and this guy will have all the tools he needs to make you seem the unreasonable one dont put yourself in that position. Kids are alot smarter than some people realise and she will quickly realise hes a waste of space and then you will be the hero as you knew that but out of love for your daughter you had to let her walk the journey of discovery on her own and just wait with hugs at the end. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondie73 Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 I had a feeling something was going on.She received a friend request on facebook from her paternal nanna and cousin last week.She has not accepted either of them but did send her nanna a private message saying why now as she has not seen her since a baby ect.After the lad at school passed on the message she found her dad's partner on facebook and sent her a private message (dad does not seem to be on facebook).Basically saying why did they not contact her themselves and asking them why now to?No reply as yet,so she has told me anyway.I just don't want secrets and lies. I am just trying to protect her from further rejection and hurt and wish he would crawl back under the rock he came from!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
southcoast Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Hes her dad and he has every right to see his daughter,its mothers like you who use their kids as weapons when they have little else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medusa Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Sometimes you can't protect your children from rejection and hurt though. They will feel both of them every time they go through a relationship break up and every time they lose a 'best friend' and the only thing that you can do as a mum is to give them a hug and support them while they process all of that and get back on their feet. I hope that she gets whatever she needs to get from the exchange to form her OWN opinion of her dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondie73 Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 Hes her dad and he has every right to see his daughter,its mothers like you who use their kids as weapons when they have little else. I agree fathers have every right to see their kids when a relationship ends.I tried everything I could for him to see her without me when she was a baby.I told his mum I would drop my daughter off at hers and he could see her without me.I could separate the two,despite dumping me when I was pregnant. It was HIM who did not want to know,then dumping her again when she was 5 years old.Again I put my anger and upset aside so she could bond with her daddy.I never had an explanation off him as to why he dropped her a second time. This is not baseball,3 strikes and your out.My other daughter is terminally ill and she is already fragile and self harmed.She cannot handle it if he does it again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Macbeth Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Hes her dad and he has every right to see his daughter,its mothers like you who use their kids as weapons when they have little else. In my book you can't have 'rights' without 'responsibilities'. It seems a pity he didn't use the right to see her whilst she was growing up, demonstrating the kind of responsibility that is the main element of being a parent. Of course he might have changed, and he might regret not being there for her, and not giving her any financial support when she was growing up. No barriers were put in his way. Hopefully he has changed, and wants to make up for his lack of involvement. If this girl gives him the chance, then the last thing he needs to do is let her down again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.