curriechick Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Hes her dad and he has every right to see his daughter,its mothers like you who use their kids as weapons when they have little else. That is a dreadful thing to say, I think the OP comes over as a very loving mother who does not want to see her daughter hurt. The father on the other hand, well I am unable to describe my feelings about him on here as I would be in trouble. Suffice it to say he has forfeited any right to call himself a father when he dropped a very hurt 5 year old child like a hot stone when he got fed up of playing with her. She is a human being not a doll that can be taken out played with and put back in the toy box when it suits him. He has never paid a penny toward the upkeep of the child, her mother and step-father have been the ones that bought her gifts for her birthday, christmas, took her on holiday, took her to dance class or whichever persuit she chose. They were the ones there when she fell down and hurt herself, there will have been trips to the doctor or even the hospital and who cared for her when she was ill, certainly not that cretin who thinks he is clever by sneaking around behind her mother's back to try and see her. The only thing you can do OP is to arm your daughter with the facts, don't try to turn her against her father (she may use this against you later), tell her that you and your husband love her very much and be there to pick up the pieces, because he will break her heart and she will need you then. Good luck to you all in this and I hope it turns out well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samshe Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 As the individual concerned is now 16, all this talk about "access" and "parental rights" is moot. The ADULT is now 16 and therefore old enough to be a mummy herself. If I was you, I would sit my amazing daughter down and explain the situation. I would tell the whole story, warts and all. There will obviously be parts of the story that you wont post on here, if any of those parts show you in an unsavoury light, please don't hide it. Tell your daughter the facts and let her know that the decision is hers and that you will love and support her no matter what. People do change, regardless of what people on this forum are saying. This all happened ten years ago, I know that I have changed massively in that time frame. I am not saying that he HAS changed, how would I possibly know that? At 16 we are just finding out who we are and who we will be for the rest of our lives. It is completely understandable that she may want to meet her Paternal family as 50% of here genes come from them. One thing that hasnt been mentioned before that I feel should have been is the need to safeguard the relationship your daughter has with her step dad. Perhaps they should spend some father and daughter time to ensure that your daughter knows that whatever happens, she always has a Dad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeadingNorth Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 In my book you can't have 'rights' without 'responsibilities'. Your book is wrong. Anything that requires something of you in order for you to get it, is not a right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeadingNorth Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 As the individual concerned is now 16, all this talk about "access" and "parental rights" is moot. The ADULT is now 16. And is therefore a child, not an adult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cressida Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 That is a dreadful thing to say, I think the OP comes over as a very loving mother who does not want to see her daughter hurt. The father on the other hand, well I am unable to describe my feelings about him on here as I would be in trouble. Suffice it to say he has forfeited any right to call himself a father when he dropped a very hurt 5 year old child like a hot stone when he got fed up of playing with her. She is a human being not a doll that can be taken out played with and put back in the toy box when it suits him. He has never paid a penny toward the upkeep of the child, her mother and step-father have been the ones that bought her gifts for her birthday, christmas, took her on holiday, took her to dance class or whichever persuit she chose. They were the ones there when she fell down and hurt herself, there will have been trips to the doctor or even the hospital and who cared for her when she was ill, certainly not that cretin who thinks he is clever by sneaking around behind her mother's back to try and see her. The only thing you can do OP is to arm your daughter with the facts, don't try to turn her against her father (she may use this against you later), tell her that you and your husband love her very much and be there to pick up the pieces, because he will break her heart and she will need you then. Good luck to you all in this and I hope it turns out well. Seems to me like he's using his other children to draw her in as she would be curious, his parents don't seem to have bothered while she was growing up, I wonder if they all sent Xmas or Birthday cards - and now he suddenly becomes the 'caring father', he appears to be driving a wedge between her and her mother Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
denlin Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Hes her dad and he has every right to see his daughter,its mothers like you who use their kids as weapons when they have little else. Don't talk wet, he let a five year old child down and didn't give a hoot or pay maintenance and even denied she was his - why should anybody give a monkeys about his feelings - he certainly didn't show any to his daughter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondie73 Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 Despite him dumping me whilst I was pregnant and leaving town,I tried to keep a relationship with his family.His mum and dad were in the middle of a divorce at the time and lived separate lives after 25 years of marriage.His older sister was at first supportive and not happy with her baby brother.Whilst I was around 7 months pregnant his dad in his sixties came onto me saying if I carn't have his son he was the next best thing(he was drunk).Yes,I know heavy stuff.Unknown to me he told his soon to be ex wife and daughter that I had come onto him.I was devastated.It still brings a tear to my eye all these years later.He told the story exactly how it happened to be fair,only the roles were changed round.My ex's mum eventually got my side out of me a few weeks later. Unfortunately he died a few weeks before my daughter was born and he took that lie to the grave with him.His daughter took her dad's side but never actually confronted me on it to my face.I think my ex's mum sat on the fence.So his mum and sister saw my daughter for the first year of her life,despite how awkward it was.I always took her to see them,they never came to us.His mum though would get a phone call off my ex whilst I was at her's on Saturdays saying he was coming round.I was always asked to leave and sometimes passed him babe in arms at her door step.It was awful and it hit me I could be doing this when she was older and didn't want to put her through that.Right or wrong I wrote her a letter one day saying my reasons why I would not be bringing my daughter to see her anymore. I have told my daughter all this and she was not happy with me saying just because her dad didn't want to know I should not of stopped the extended family.No one ever sent her cards or presents. It's a mess and yes there is more to it how her dad treated me but that's too much to say on here.She's got warts and all and still wants to see him I think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeadingNorth Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Don't talk wet, he let a five year old child down and didn't give a hoot or pay maintenance and even denied she was his - why should anybody give a monkeys about his feelings - he certainly didn't show any to his daughter We're operating on the assumption that the OP is not as much of an asshole as the girl's father. If she were, she wouldn't need to ask for advice on the correct way to handle this situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxy lady Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 If the daughter is 16 she can make up her own mind regardless of either parents wishes. In the eyes of the law she could chose to live with her father, her mother or anyone else for that matter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Location114 Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Just ignore southcoast he is clearly one of the none responsible idiotic people who think just because the law states you have rights its ok to drop and dump people whenever your tired. I am all for giving people a second chance but i never got even the slighest hint that the op intends to use her daughter as a weapon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.