Muldoon Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 If the daughter is 16 she can make up her own mind regardless of either parents wishes. In the eyes of the law she could chose to live with her father, her mother or anyone else for that matter. well said foxy lady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joiner andy Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 i only met my dad for the first time last year, i found out i had a different father to my siblings when i was 14. to say it affected me not knowing who my dad was is an understatement, i searched and searched and last year i put an add in the star and up he popped! i had a couple of meets with him and that was that, i didnt want anymore. afterall he had always known about me! how could i ever respect him? since quenching my curiosities i have never felt more at ease with myself, the jigsaw piece that was missing from my life has been put in place. i dont see him now and i have no desire too either. i hope this puts you at ease with your daughters situation, because believe me its something she must do for her own piece of mind, then she can make her own mind up. ( my story is identical to your daughters) good luck andy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x Eleanor x Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 From experience .... Just be there for your daughter ... Don't stand in her way - she'll only rebel. I first met my dad when I was 14 (21 now) he retracted his access when I was a baby and didn't help my mum financially, and all it has been is arguments and upset and constant jealousy of me from his wife, her kids and their kids which he doesn't stand up to - and I've finally had enough. I'm lucky to have my mum ... My rock ... My best friend x it won't last, too much time has passed xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BluePolo Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 When my (step)daughter was 18 she expressed a desire to meet her father who had walked out when her mother was pregnant. He saw her a few times when she was a baby, but then cut off contact. My wife contacted his parents, and a contact was arranged, and we all went for a meal. After that she saw him twice more then decided not to meet him again because her curiosity about him was satisfied. At no time did we worry about losing her to him as we'd always had a good relationship with her, and knew she was just curious about him. She had always been told the truth about him, but my wife had never tried to prejudice her against him. As she says, I'm he may be her father, but I'm her dad who's brought her up from being 7 years old. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cressida Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 When my (step)daughter was 18 she expressed a desire to meet her father who had walked out when her mother was pregnant. He saw her a few times when she was a baby, but then cut off contact. My wife contacted his parents, and a contact was arranged, and we all went for a meal. After that she saw him twice more then decided not to meet him again because her curiosity about him was satisfied. At no time did we worry about losing her to him as we'd always had a good relationship with her, and knew she was just curious about him. She had always been told the truth about him, but my wife had never tried to prejudice her against him. As she says, I'm he may be her father, but I'm her dad who's brought her up from being 7 years old. Yes I think curiousity has a lot to do with it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blondie73 Posted March 10, 2012 Author Share Posted March 10, 2012 Thanks everyone,you really have helped!!Especially to the kids who are now adults and have been there for sharing what could be going on in my daughter's head. I know I need to let her do this for her own sanity,I'm just scared he'll hurt her all over again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cressida Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Thanks everyone,you really have helped!!Especially to the kids who are now adults and have been there for sharing what could be going on in my daughter's head. I know I need to let her do this for her own sanity,I'm just scared he'll hurt her all over again. Good luck, a pity she can't see this thread;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeadingNorth Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 I know I need to let her do this for her own sanity,I'm just scared he'll hurt her all over again. You're probably right, but you cannot prevent him from doing so, and it's questionable whether it would even be a good idea to warn her that he's likely to do so. That could all to easily be construed as a bossy mother sticking her oar in and trying to freeze Daddy out of her life - particularly if he's already been telling her stories about how you blocked him out when she was a young child. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joiner andy Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Thanks everyone,you really have helped!!Especially to the kids who are now adults and have been there for sharing what could be going on in my daughter's head. I know I need to let her do this for her own sanity,I'm just scared he'll hurt her all over again. all you can do is show support and love, please dont try to influance anything as it may backfire. im 38 now and i had that curiosity and all that came with it for all those years, its not nice! its probably for the best that she has a chance to find out about him at such a young age. i wish i had Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
x Eleanor x Posted March 10, 2012 Share Posted March 10, 2012 Thanks everyone,you really have helped!!Especially to the kids who are now adults and have been there for sharing what could be going on in my daughter's head. I know I need to let her do this for her own sanity,I'm just scared he'll hurt her all over again. he more than likely will ... but you'll be the one she knows she can turn to - the one whos been there all her life ..... you've got the bond he'll never have - time to get rid of the cotton wool she'll be ok xx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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