Closet Guy. Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 No, that would be abusive. But be honest with yourself. There visions and values are obviously at odds with each other, the best thing he can do for himself is end it quickly. I bet any money you will be split up within 6 months anyway. End it now save yourself the hassle. My word. Do you drown fluffy kittens in your spare time? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dez2k8 Posted May 15, 2012 Author Share Posted May 15, 2012 well thanks for the advice ppl one or two on here talk some sense the rest i dont see as option dumping my gf id rather work through it and come to a level playing field were we both understand each other. im going to close the thread now. Thanks Everyone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Closet Guy. Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 well thanks for the advice ppl one or two on here talk some sense the rest i dont see as option dumping my gf id rather work through it and come to a level playing field were we both understand each other. im going to close the thread now. Thanks Everyone Good luck:thumbsup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TJC1 Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 i dont think dumping my gf is an option at the minute, this is the only thing i see wrong with us at the moment, is it me that needs to change ive never asked myself that question untill now am i too pushy and wanting more tbh i never got a gd paid job untill i was 23 shes only just 22. No, its her. Don't blame yourself. Shes the one not getting off her sorry ass and working towards your future while your putting the hard yards in. True or false? You're 23, plenty of fish in the sea my young friend. Maybe give her one last chance to prove to you that she can do it. Tell her that. If she messes up follow through with your conditions or she will never respect you. Your the man, your the boss, remember that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Closet Guy. Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 No, its her. Don't blame yourself. Shes the one not getting off her sorry ass and working towards your future while your putting the hard yards in. True or false? You're 23, plenty of fish in the sea my young friend. Maybe give her one last chance to prove to you that she can do it. Tell her that. If she messes up follow through with your conditions or she will never respect you. Your the man, your the boss, remember that. :hihi::hihi: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medusa Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 No, its her. Don't blame yourself. Shes the one not getting off her sorry ass and working towards your future while your putting the hard yards in. True or false? You're 23, plenty of fish in the sea my young friend. Maybe give her one last chance to prove to you that she can do it. Tell her that. If she messes up follow through with your conditions or she will never respect you. Your the man, your the boss, remember that. Sorry, but I disagree with this advice completely. Ultimatums such as the one that you are suggesting rarely work and quite frequently blow up in your face producing a whole range of unwanted side effects. Never ever issue an ultimatum unless you are fully prepared to ride roughshod over the target of your ultimatum's feelings and wishes and are also prepared for this to result in her telling you exactly where to shove your relationship and leaving immediately. The OP in this thread has said that the issue he has posted about is the only issue in their relationship and that he doesn't want to split up from her. If you love your girlfriend (which I sincerely hope you do, after 3 years together) then you need to understand that if you put pressure on her then it's very likely to backfire on you. The only person's behaviour that you are responsible for is your own, and you can't make anybody else do what you want them to do. You can change the circumstances that will hopefully make the other person change their behaviour, but if you apply pressure hoping to get them to change their behaviour there's every likelihood that it will result in her digging in her heels and making exactly the opposite decision to the one you want, and that will be purely because you tried to push her. In your position I'd do two things. Firstly I'd sit her down and talk gently and honestly about your worry that she may have depression and ask her (don't tell) to go to talk to her GP and to consider some talking therapy, for the good of her health and to help her future. Then, months down the line when she's considered this and you've helped her to go down this route, you MAY be able to help her with some job applications, careers service appointment and the like. I strongly suspect that she's got into the doldrums about things in her life and if she has and you push her then it won't result in her being a happy job applicant, it will result in the destruction of your relationship, which is not what you appear to want at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyclone Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 Maybe she's just scared of change and/or happy with life as it is. It's easy to agree to a goal like 'buy a house in two years time' as it seems quite some time away, but the agreement might have just been for an easy life. I've had/got friends who dislike their jobs but seem strangely unwilling to do anything about it, and I suspect it's a fear of change/the unknown. If you're comfortable in a job, even though you don't like it, there's going to be a fear that by changing jobs you could make it worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
esme Posted May 15, 2012 Share Posted May 15, 2012 Mod Note Closed at OP request Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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