pottedplant Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 You're ignoring all the responses to your rather strange attitude and just posting a vague justification. An open bar has never been a UK tradition, no matter how old you are or when your 'days' were. What do you think people should do who have all the toasters they need, just decline any present at all? I'd feel pretty odd going as a guest if I wasn't allowed to give anything. Say that? ie not sure why it would be problematic for a couple to say "we have lived together for x years, we have all we need,.........please come and celebrate our wedding - no need for gifts". We did just that when we got married 10 years ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pottedplant Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Our friends had large jars and put it near the bars with a message attached to them saying: 'Instead of getting us a drink as a congratulations for today, please put the money in the jar to be used towards our honeymoon' People put enough for them to go away on a Mediterranean cruise for two weeks and we still bought them drinks. I think its a GREAT idea. When our parents and grandparents got married, most of them were JUST starting their lives together so needed physical gifts of toasters, china, etc, now we dont. I see nothing wrong with asking (but not assuming) for money as a present. I like this large jars idea - I think my issue is when the issue of asking for money is almost presented as payment for attendance at the wedding. Say think because I am really not sure why the whole concept of giving money grates on me..........I just know that it does - not v rationale argument I know! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kidorry Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 I like this large jars idea - I think my issue is when the issue of asking for money is almost presented as payment for attendance at the wedding. Say think because I am really not sure why the whole concept of giving money grates on me..........I just know that it does - not v rationale argument I know! I feel the same.It does not seem like a gift but a payment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kidorry Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 When was that, I'm just wondering when 'your days' were. What kind of presents did you give at these weddings with open bars (just out of interest)? The usual stuff,dinner services,towels,and even cruet sets,but we were grateful that they had been given as a gift. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyclone Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 That's the stuff you gave as gifts and you were grateful about it??? I doubt that someone who was opening their 3rd dinner service set would be feeling particularly grateful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyclone Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 Say that? ie not sure why it would be problematic for a couple to say "we have lived together for x years, we have all we need,.........please come and celebrate our wedding - no need for gifts". We did just that when we got married 10 years ago. That's perfectly fine, I expect that a lot of people would feel that they really should buy a gift anyway, I would. And so the couple would get a lot of stuff they don't need. Personally I said you can make a payment with Thomas Cook towards the honeymoon if you wish, it's anonymous and I won't know who has given what. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GodStar Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 That's perfectly fine, I expect that a lot of people would feel that they really should buy a gift anyway, I would. And so the couple would get a lot of stuff they don't need. Personally I said you can make a payment with Thomas Cook towards the honeymoon if you wish, it's anonymous and I won't know who has given what. Did you work out the average donation? Was the cost of the honeymoon covered? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leah-Lacie Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 That's the stuff you gave as gifts and you were grateful about it??? I doubt that someone who was opening their 3rd dinner service set would be feeling particularly grateful. We got £200 cash, the biggest lump of which came from a distant uncle of my hubby, 12 photo frames, 3 sets of mugs, and 2 sets of champagne glasses, a duvet set, oh and £40 in Argos vouchers My 'OH THANK YOU I'M SO GRATEFUL' face must have been wearing really thin EDIT: Went against everyones advice of asking for money - I felt cheeky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pottedplant Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 That's perfectly fine, I expect that a lot of people would feel that they really should buy a gift anyway, I would. And so the couple would get a lot of stuff they don't need. Personally I said you can make a payment with Thomas Cook towards the honeymoon if you wish, it's anonymous and I won't know who has given what. Nice idea about the anonymity. For those people that really felt they needed to give us "something" I asked for babysitting duties or an invite to a meal. We also passed onto people who our favourite charities were too. For those that still bought gifts yes we got a couple of things we were n't too keen on but we still sent a thank you note - and then donated the gift to local charity shop.......so no one was embarrassed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emmarichards Posted June 13, 2012 Share Posted June 13, 2012 I'm sure they won't mind what you give, especially as the groom is a good friend! When we got married, we got monetary gifts from between £10-£1000, and we didn't think any better or worse of anyone for anything, we were grateful that anyone gave us anything! Just give what you can afford, for me I think I would give double what I would normally spend on someone at Christmas. It's hard with gifts for weddings these days, almost everyone lives together beforehand so no point being given six toasters when you already have one! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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