Dear Forum... Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Short of it is my ex and I have a 1 year old son, we get on, do the best for our son etc. The problem I have is that she is with a man that has been both physically and mentally abusive to her on more than one occasion and also did something sexually to her against her will. These are the things she has told me and on a couple of occasions I have stayed at hers because of the abuse from her partner. This all happened in the space of a few months. Now she seems happy and hasn't told me about anything else happening but now she just expects me to forget what happened and to just get over the fact that this man will be part of my sons life. The reason I am confused about everything is at the time of the abuse she never really went into detail apart from it being physical/emotional. Now she is happy she has said, when I bring up the fact that I'm not happy with the situation, that things aren't black and white, he's a good dad to his children etc and that she enjoyed whatever happened sexually, it was a very different story 3 months ago. In all honesty I don’t know if my son is in danger, however this doesn’t stop me worrying about this man being in my sons life. I'm just very confused as to what I can do, if anything Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truffles Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 This man certainly seems to have an hold over her if i was you i would have another talk with her and if you don't get anywhere go and seek legal advice about custody of your son, because he could well be in danger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WeX Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 try calling one of the domestic abuse charities and see what they can advise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Closet Guy. Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Short of it is my ex and I have a 1 year old son, we get on, do the best for our son etc. The problem I have is that she is with a man that has been both physically and mentally abusive to her on more than one occasion and also did something sexually to her against her will. These are the things she has told me and on a couple of occasions I have stayed at hers because of the abuse from her partner. This all happened in the space of a few months. Now she seems happy and hasn't told me about anything else happening but now she just expects me to forget what happened and to just get over the fact that this man will be part of my sons life. The reason I am confused about everything is at the time of the abuse she never really went into detail apart from it being physical/emotional. Now she is happy she has said, when I bring up the fact that I'm not happy with the situation, that things aren't black and white, he's a good dad to his children etc and that she enjoyed whatever happened sexually, it was a very different story 3 months ago. In all honesty I don’t know if my son is in danger, however this doesn’t stop me worrying about this man being in my sons life. I'm just very confused as to what I can do, if anything Protect the child at all costs but you are wasting your time trying to help your ex. Anything you do will simply push her closer to Mr Fisty and thats no good. Let her make her own choices regarding relationships but make sure they dont impact negatively on your child. If they do then take her to court. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna B Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Are you in a position to talk to the man? In conversation and without appearing threatening would it be possible to let him know you are still very much part of your son's life, and if anyone was to touch one hair on his head they would have you to answer to? Talking about it in the third person would avoid accusing him, but if he's got any sense he will be warned. Depends on what sort of relationship you have with him. As far as helping your ex, I'd advise you to keep out of it. You're on a hiding to nothing if you interfere, and it could somehow end up 'all your fault.' Totally unfair of course but I've known it happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aliceBB Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Tell Social Services Children's Dept. of your concerns for your child and your reasons for them. They may intervene, if only to flag up to your ex and her new partner that it matters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Closet Guy. Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 Tell Social Services Children's Dept. of your concerns for your child and your reasons for them. They may intervene, if only to flag up to your ex and her new partner that it matters. oooooooh dont do that. thats the last thing you want to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teddybare Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 KHA until he gets the message. Take your kid back until the guy is gone for good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeadingNorth Posted July 2, 2012 Share Posted July 2, 2012 KHA until he gets the message. Take your kid back until the guy is gone for good. I don't see how the OP getting himself put in jail for assault is going to help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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