Parents- Whats the best policy when kids bicker & taunt each other?

[Obelix]

:hihi:

 

 

This is the time when you have to chill and have a good old laugh to yourself.

 

Timer on the wall - my godchildren have to stand in the naughty/timeout corner for five minutes. It's a great principle.

 

If the leave, or complain, or ask - timer gets set back to 5 minutes again. No messes, no buts end of. I once had one of the little darlings sat there for forty minutes until he twigged I wasn't going to budge (and was indeed having a good laugh to myself) and he's ceased to be a little swine to all and sundry and is just the averagely naughty seven year old which to fair is about the best you can expect.

 

Regarding the original point I'd teach them to learn self defence - if they know they can cope with any escalation of the name calling etc then they are probably going to be less bothered by it. Double edged sword though - you don't want them pre emptivly putting that into practice however...

[poppins]

As far a children go when talking back to one of their parents, instead of saying ,example....Don't you speak to your mother that way, you should say, Don't you speak to my wife that way, and visa versa for the dad too, kids seem to forgot their parents were together before they came along....and spoilt things I added that bit on myself.

[buck]

All kids bicker. You should see my 8 and 6 year old grand daughters get into it when they're over at our house.

There's no physical punishment in this family only restriction of privileges. No popsicles, no sweets, cancellation of trips to the park among a few

We go through it all the time, Megan is 11, her sister Michaela 9, her brother Austin is 5, their cousin Victoria is 10, and her sister Lauren is 4. It is a constant battle especially among the girls, while Austin simply sits back and insults them all. Among the restriction of privileges are no TV, no use of laptop, or desktop, or whatever ibox is available. But the most serious and effective by far is a ban on visits to us. Grandparents have one big advantage over parents. We have 2 older grandkids, Greg 22, and Betty 19 but we don't have to worry about them. They never come over knowing there might be chores to do.

[Kerrangaroo]

Just watch football supporters. Grown men hurling insults and chanting obscenities at each other...................................then we wonder where the kids get it from.

Dick head parents produce dick head children.

 

I disagree, its little more than tribalism. When the 90 minutes is up it's back to normal. The chanting, taunting and singing creates the atmosphere and most of it is good humoured.

[skinz]

Yeah, I know.

 

But all joking aside, the behavioral traits that children display isn't something that they'll necessarily grow out of. Iv'e witnessed so called "adults" who I've worked with displaying similar traits. They'd normally group together to impose their will onto others, or just be down right nasty to anyone they didn't get on with or anyone who they believed posed a threat to their earnings or livelihood. Maybe they're the way they are because their parents just left them to it when they were kids? I'm not saying I didn't name call, tease and torment when I was a child.. I did, but what was instilled into me by my parents has always been a guiding influence in my life, which is why I no longer treat people in this way, and why I despise the likes those muppets I used to work with, and probably why I won't allow my child to behave like they do. WOW!! I think we're getting to the nitty-gritty of it all now.

 

But you're now talking about the traits of other families and how they raise their children..ok it's a topic for discussion but it isn't likely to get you anywhere regarding your present issue. As long as you apply the same principles to your child as you would wish others should do, then really you can do no more. If you think your child is being coloured by the other children and not adhering to your (as the guardian) boundaries because of it, then yes further chastisement/education/communication will probably be necessary. Your control over other kids through their parents will almost be zero unless you can communicate your concerns rationally..but it has to be rationally on a 50/50 basis without bias.

 

Kids need a knock and a bang once in awhile..more than once in a while if i'm frank..As growing children you can't expect them to grow up overnight..you on the other hand are an adult, an adult that's experienced both sides of the spectrum..share that wisdom with her. If that doesn't work then bounce her off four walls.

 

An observation..do you think this has more to do with your patience rather than your daughters/other kids actions? The reason I ask is because it seems that the issue isn't just about the other kids, including your own..but more about how you are handling it. These are not criticisms btw..as I said earlier, been there, done it.

[danot]

But you're now talking about the traits of other families and how they raise their children..ok it's a topic for discussion but it isn't likely to get you anywhere regarding your present issue. As long as you apply the same principles to your child as you would wish others should do, then really you can do no more. If you think your child is being coloured by the other children and not adhering to your (as the guardian) boundaries because of it, then yes further chastisement/education/communication will probably be necessary. Your control over other kids through their parents will almost be zero unless you can communicate your concerns rationally..but it has to be rationally on a 50/50 basis without bias.

 

Kids need a knock and a bang once in awhile..more than once in a while if i'm frank..As growing children you can't expect them to grow up overnight..you on the other hand are an adult, an adult that's experienced both sides of the spectrum..share that wisdom with her. If that doesn't work then bounce her off four walls.

 

An observation..do you think this has more to do with your patience rather than your daughters/other kids actions? The reason I ask is because it seems that the issue isn't just about the other kids, including your own..but more about how you are handling it. These are not criticisms btw..as I said earlier, been there, done it.

I agree with all you say skinz, and with regards to patience (or rather "the lack of it") being the real issue, I'd have to say yes, it most probably is, but then patience has never been something I posses, so my frustration would be just as apparent whatever the situation, but more so whenever I see any form of bullying or ganging up against one, no matter whether it's my daughter with the other kids on our street or muppets like those I used to work with. I just don't like to see it, and I certainly wouldn't be happy if my child was the culprit or became victim to it. I accept that telling tales, petty name calling and squabbling is part of everyone's childhood experience, but as a parent, my concern is that doing nothing and simply leaving kids to sort things out between themselves will inevitably lead to certain kids (the instigators) growing up with these traits ingrained within their nature. What do you think?

[buck]

When my cousins and I grew up in Sheffield in the forties and fifties, we would gang up with a bunch of other people, sometimes we'd fight, but most of the time we just had fun together, went home when we were hungry or tired. I don't know if that's still the thing. But over here today you have to keep your kids in line of sight constantly, especially your girls. So they don't go ouitside as much as they used to and are often bored, leading to strife. One of the families is quite well to do, and spoil their two daughters too much, but on the other hand are quite strict, insisting on good manners and respect for their elders. Mike is an outdoorsman who teaches his oldest daughter to fish, and will teach her to hunt in a couple of years. Lauren, our little bit, is learning gymnastics and is a natural dancer. She's also a handful.

The other family has very little money. Dave hasn't found a decent job since being invalided from the Army from service in Iraq. His wife drives a school bus for a living. His two girls and a boy are very active and fight a lot, but are never vicious. Whatever spoiling is done comes from my wife and I. They have a widowed grandfather in Florida who helps when he can. All the kids are wonderful to my wife and I. Some of the fighting comes from competing with each other to help us. I'm a crusty old Yorkshireman and don't accept help willingly, but just a look from these beautiful creatures has me beat every time.

[skinz]

I agree with all you say skinz, and with regards to patience (or rather "the lack of it") being the real issue, I'd have to say yes, it most probably is, but then patience has never been something I posses, so my frustration would be just as apparent whatever the situation, but more so whenever I see any form of bullying or ganging up against one, no matter whether it's my daughter with the other kids on our street or muppets like those I used to work with. I just don't like to see it, and I certainly wouldn't be happy if my child was the culprit or became victim to it. I accept that telling tales, petty name calling and squabbling is part of everyone's childhood experience, but as a parent, my concern is that doing nothing and simply leaving kids to sort things out between themselves will inevitably lead to certain kids (the instigators) growing up with these traits ingrained within their nature. What do you think?

 

You can instill what you feel is good in your own (hard work)...As a parent you shouldn't expect any more of yourself than to do exactly that. You can't protect your child by being the parent of other children. What I've learned is is that by being patient is the result of time offered, genuine time offered and empathising through your own childhood experiences. Set rules and boundaries, but not to the point of total constraint. What you do now will reflect in the future relationship you have with your daughter. Lack of patience and flying off the handle get's you zilch, don't forget your child is watching that 'angst' too. If you can't self control then you have no business expecting it from your child. You're not unique..all parents go through this stuff.

 

Btw..my 18yr old goes on her first trip abroad without a guardian in 4 weeks with friends...I'm crapping myself. My rationality says I shouldn't as she's got it all upstairs and more mature than I ever was at her age...but she's still that 3yr old that sat on my knee for cuddles. I probably wont sleep for 10 days..

[Harleyman]

We go through it all the time, Megan is 11, her sister Michaela 9, her brother Austin is 5, their cousin Victoria is 10, and her sister Lauren is 4. It is a constant battle especially among the girls, while Austin simply sits back and insults them all. Among the restriction of privileges are no TV, no use of laptop, or desktop, or whatever ibox is available. But the most serious and effective by far is a ban on visits to us. Grandparents have one big advantage over parents. We have 2 older grandkids, Greg 22, and Betty 19 but we don't have to worry about them. They never come over knowing there might be chores to do.

 

Alyssa, 8 and Celeste 6 war much of the time. Completely different personalities. Cassidy, 2-1/2 stays aloof from it all. She's the least problem. Loves her pre-school, helps my wife with folding the laundry and emptying the dishwasher never fusses over anything but touch any of her toys at your peril. She's taken over the rumpus room where the two eldest always played in and all the toys along with it.

I see her becoming a big Corporate CEO one day specializing in hostile take over/ buy outs

[Harleyman]

I've started giving my daughter 10 minute time outs whenever I find myself repeatedly having to tell her about something or when she's done something that she knows I won't be happy about. she's been spending quite a bit of time in her bedroom lately, or should I say she's been standing at the top of the stairs shouting- 'is it ten minutes yet? Is it ten minutes yet?....

 

Time outs work well enough depending on whose giving the time outs. When my wife and I give them they dont work so well and generally it has to be repeated two or three times before they slink off to the bedtoom

 

On the other hand when their father, my eldest son yells "Time out" they head for the bedtoom like Olympic sprinters