rawson Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Hi everyone, I today had a visit from the police due to an recent ex-girlfriend accusing me of pushing her to the ground. I have never ever laid a finger on a female violently, and never intend to do so. Im just not that sort of person. She has told them that she doesn't want to press charges. Because of this they decided to have a right go at me, and was not interested in hearing what I had to say. to be honest, I wish that she would have pressed charges because the bruises that she claimed to have could be proven not to have come from me. But as it stands, I dont even get a say in the matter. Just wondering if anyone else has been in the same situation, because it's left me really pi$$ed off... and, Im not 100% sure that I wont be left with a record on my file? I am totally against domestic violence, or violence of any kind, but It does annoy me when people use the police to "get one over" on you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ANGELUS Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 My advice to you- Keep away from this woman- she is bad news totally. Also if she persists in contacting you, seek legal advice to get shut of her for good, you dont need someone like that in your life. If you have not harmed this woman, again seek legal advice to sort this out- because if it goes any further you are going to have major problems with this. Why be blamed for something you havent done? BUT On the flipside of the coin however- because there are 2 sides to every story. If you have touched this woman- I hope this has showed you that if you lay a hand on a woman then you will be punished and deservedly so. All the best though and I hope its the first side of the story thats happened and not the darker side to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rawson Posted January 5, 2006 Author Share Posted January 5, 2006 Thanks for the comments... and the route you suggest is the exact route I intend to go down. The police have warned me that is I ever contact her again they will arrest me, so I commented well can you tell her the same thing.... and one really helpful officer said "we're not hear for tit-for-tat". To be honest, I feel like making a complaint against the police, they seemed to have judged me on the basis of her lies without even listening at what I had to say.... not the professional approach I would expect to see from the police. He then commented to me that "I've heard your an expert in computers" I said, well not really, but I do work in IT. He said if you ever do anything to her computer remotely, like logging into her email, then we will come to your house, arrest you and sieze all your computer equipment. This part really concerns me... I have no intention of ever doing anything to her computer or email, but in the past when things have gone wrong she's always blamed me saying I've been doing something.... If she goes to the police and claims I have tried this, does anyone know if they can seize equipment on the basis of a complaint? They would never find anything, because I have no intention of doing anything... but to be honest I could do without the inconvienience... and having to tell my employee that my laptop has been siezed by the police. She has made me feel like a criminal today, and that is completely unfair. If she does ever contact me again I will log the call and report it to the police, and ask to press charges for harrassment. To be honest, I dont know why I was with her.... I have never been bothered about her anyway, I guess the relationship was just convienience. Once shes gone the better as far as im concerned. It just concerns me that I have there potential charges hanging over me at her mercy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evildrneil Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 I'm afraid this is not as uncommon as you might think. The common conception is that domestic violence is commited by men against women where all the research shows that it is actually just as likely to be comitted by a woman against a man. Even in cases where a man calls the police alleging domestic abuse against a woman he will be the one removed from the situation (and quite likely arrested!) as that is the procedure based on this flawed assumption. There also seems to be an overwhelming opinion in society that if a man hits a woman he is a cruel, evil abuser whereas if a woman hits a man she is standing up for herself and he obviously did something to deserve it. Now think to yourself how many men do you know who have ever hit a woman - probably few or none - but how many men do you know who have been hit by a woman - probably many if not all. Untill this disparity is addressed and rather than focussing on stopping violence against women and focussing instead on stopping violence by anyone, against anyone it will remain easy for people to make malicious claims with relative impunity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Titian Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 Go back to the police and say that you want to file an official complaint. One against her for wasting police time, tell them you want to charge her for harrasment and one against them for inappropriate comments. Give them your side of things that way if she does it again they may view it as sour grapes form her side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rawson Posted January 5, 2006 Author Share Posted January 5, 2006 Very true! When this first happend I decided to do a search on google to look for helplines or forums where I could discuss the situation and to see where I stand.... all I find is helplines for female "victims". But hey, who's the victim in this case? If the girl can go to the police and tell bare faced lies to ruin my reputaion with the police, what is she telling other people about me? If someone writes a published article which unfairly blemishes someones reputation, they can be prosecuted for slander... however, an insecure compulsive liar can go around destroying someone's reputation, and then be protected by the police. Is this Justice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Titian Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 see here: http://www.coeffic.demon.co.uk/dv_advice.htm http://www.acpo.police.uk/asp/policies/Data/Guidance%20on%20DV.pdf http://www.parentscentre.gov.uk/forum/messageview.cfm?catid=5&threadid=474 there are a few sites that may help and I found loads more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cyclone Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 by yourself a dictafone and keep it in the living room (or whereever is handy). If the police ever show up again, be sure to let them see you turning it on, no chance of anything being said and then denied that way. You could also contact the IPC and make a complaint, the problem is that you have no real evidence that the police acted improperly. Afterall, they were duty bound to investigate the complaint. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
depoix Posted January 5, 2006 Share Posted January 5, 2006 im with bonny and cyclone on this,protect your self,make a complaint to the police about the way they treated you, if they were not there to arrest you then they should have asked you your side of what happened i had similar things some time ago when my ex wife belted a druggie,the druggie went for her first but my ex defended herself and the police turned up,a young officer,no jacket on or helmet just came banging on my door,shouting and waving his hands about,i told him to come back with a senior officer which he did, the elder officer asked quietly what happened,we told him,he interviewed the neighbours then came back and apologised for his collegue's outburst. make the complaint, they are not judge and jury... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rawson Posted January 5, 2006 Author Share Posted January 5, 2006 Good advise and useful links, thanks! It's nice to see the ACPO guidelines contain nothing about how to deal with false statements. It states that even if a so called "victim" retracts their statement then they should check.... "Whether the victim has been put under pressure to withdraw;" It mentions nothing about the "victim" having done anything wrong even if they admit the statements are false! Is this law not asking to be abused by females wanting to get one over on an ex-partner. I wouldn't mind, but we split up because I found out she had been unfaithful, yes I was mad, and yes I voiced my disgust.... but use violence..... never. I have never had any dealings with the police except for a speeding fine or two. I've never been violent, and never will be... It has really made me realise anyone could find them selves in this situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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