Has anyone ever been wrongly accused of domestic violence?

[rawson]

Well, its good that you won full custody of your kids depoix!

 

In response to you (mrinvestigat)... I'm not sure if it was formal or not, he asked me sign this scrappy piece of paper in a small note book to confirm that I would not contact her again. He also warned me that if I contact her or log into her email, or do anything to her computer they would come to my house and arrest me, and take away all the computer equipment in the house.

 

It just concerns me that she has this ace of spades she can use anythime she likes. I have no intention of doing anything, and to be completely honest I never want to see the slapper again while ever she draws breath.

 

The problem I have, is how can I prove she is lying. If she was pressing charges against me, she would have to proove I assaulted her.... which would be impossible, as any bruises she may or may not have did not come from me (probably self inflicted).

 

Not only that, she called me before the police officer called me.... she said "and I've told the police about the fact that you assaulted me, I have bruises on my hip from when you brushed past me", I responded, "come off it ******, dont start playing those games".

 

When the Police officer came to talk to me, he said that she had told him that I had assaulted her by "pushing her onto the floor". Seems like she couldn't get her story straight... its a common problem of hers!

 

I don't want to go through the expence of a solicitor, as it just gets expensive, and I'm not sure they or I could do anything to resolve this. Because she has not pressed charges.

[depoix]

can you prove to the police you were somewhere else when she says you assaulted her ? if you can,then you will be able to point out to them their mistake and that she is a liar

[rawson]

No, afraid not.... I was there, and we was arguing.... but the events that she claim happened, did not. Never once did she fall to the floor and never once did I "brush past" her hard enough to cause bruising.

 

I wish it was that easy!

[gettingby]

A similar thing happened to me but fortunately it was not too serious.

I'm just writing this as a bit of therapy for myself really. The experience was horrible. At the time I did not know the nature of the accusation, all I knew was that she had spent the day at the domestic violence unit. It was very scary.

We were together for many years. I would never dream of intentionally causing her any distress, I have never been angry towards her (I know this sounds unlikely but it’s just how I am, I don’t really get angry). As for any violence towards her I wouldn’t hit anyone let alone the woman I loved, it could just never happen. No formal charges were made, she stated that she believed that she was in danger the that I was going to hit her.

I am guilty of raising my voice on the night before the accusation was made. I was very frustrated and upset and I did raise my voice but the words that came out of my mouth were not words of anger, I was saying things like “no I didn’t mean that – that’s not what I meant”.

I don’t know the reasons for her accusation. There are a few possibilities, she wanted me out of the flat as our relationship was failing and she wanted to be with someone else(she also changed the locks on the door so I wouldn’t be able to get in), or that she was angry with me and it was a way of getting back at me (she did seem very angry at the time). I also think that it is possible that she believed that she was a victim of domestic abuse. She was not but, I’ve had a long time to think about this and she did have psychological problems (mostly depression) and I have now come to believe that her depression did not just affect the way she felt about herself, but it also colored how she felt about other people, myself included. She used to misunderstand what I was saying and believe that I was saying things to try to upset her when I was not. Also it was very difficult for me to convince her that she was misunderstanding me. It was like she would not accept that she was wrong and although it was a bad decision on my part I used to often resolve these kind of situations by apologizing whether it was my fault or not. I think , thinking these bad things about me may have gradually built up into a belief which got stronger and people tend to notice things which fit with their belief and not remember things which do not , that coupled with a depressive skewed way of interpreting things which I said may have built up so that she genuinely believed that there was domestic abuse happening.

I have seen her twice since we split up (I'm being intentionally vague as to how we came to meet as I don't want the chance that she may read this (however unlikely) and figure out I am talking about her). The first time she seemed a lot better and called me over to ask how I was. I assumed that perhaps she had time to realize that things were not as she originally felt. However I bumped into her the other day and she was different (again she misinterpreted something - like she wasn't aware of the context), I looked at her twitter account to see if she had said anything about it (something I haven’t done for about a year as It just used to upset me) and she is again referring to me (I’m not going to use the exact words here as I don’t want her to realize it’s me writing this) let’s just say referring to me as a bad person. When I see this, it’s very disappointing and upsetting (won’t be looking at that twitter account again), but at least It’s a reminder that’s its best to keep my distance from her. Shame – if she had just split up with me I would still have been able to be there if she needed some support. I still love her in spite of what she has done. Been with her too long to not still care about her and if it was due to the depression, even though what she did was bad it’s not really her fault.

 

So to anyone else reading this who has been through the same thing, I know it’s sad, scary and confusing. I just want to say you are not alone.

[redfox]

Did they give you a notice warning you against future actions? It sounds like the police have given you a formal warning in line with harassment legislation - I suspect you've signed that you have been given such a warning.

The police have acted on the other persons allegation which they don't want to press further by way of charges - it might not seem like it now but when domestic violence allegations get to a court trying to get them stopped is very difficult indeed and can be incredibly stressful for all concerned.

 

Stay away from the person and the bobby mentioning IT obviously comes from the other party and may not have been put very well but there telling you what others on here are saying 'keep well clear'.

 

As for making a complaint that is upto you

[natjack]

I should think it's all sorted now, the orginal post from rawson was way back in 2006.

[redfox]

That will teach me to look harder at the dates - mind you need good eyesight

[Optimalius]

Uff, this has got to be a rather unpleasant situation for you - I am very sorry to hear that you are in a position to deal with a psychotic person (by no means I am being judgemental, but who else calls cops and does not press charges?) Indeed you have to cut out any possible contact with that person, because any sort of communication (even to "clear things up for ourselves") can be a very dangerous case that can turn messy and costly. Given it is of your interest to remain careful, I would suggest indeed getting a brief discussion with a solicitor, some of them do offer free consultation of some issues, and it is definitely advisable to take all possible measures to not be back in such risky circumstances. I am glad to see you able to type about it, but you have to definitely let go of any anger or thoughts and move on. Do that and have a good weekend!

[gettingby]

One other thing I have learnt from this is that if you believe that an acusation has been made if you call the Police (in my case the dometic volence unit) and ask "What is the nature of the allergation that has been made against me" then they are obliged to inform you. However if there is a warrant out for you then they will say that you will have to turn yourself in. So in my case I didnt call them until I had found a criminal solicitor that I thought was ok. However list of solicitors will be provided for you by the Police.

Having said that, take my advise with a pinch of salt as I am not a solicitor, this is just what I believe to be true.

The other thing is that personally I would not say to much to the Police before I have seen my solicitor as they might belive her and so they might not be working in your best interest. I would instead wait unitl your solicitor had a arrived and explain everything to him (or her) omitting nothing. At least that was my plan when I thought I might be arrested.

Its amazine how crazy you life get get sometimes. Like I said before to anyone else, you are not alone. It does hit you hard even for someone like me where I was not arrested and I didnt have any children with her. Still hit the booze quite hard for quite a time, lost the person I cared about most in this world the person I've spent most of my life with and was unable to ever be able to resolve the situation (she asked me never to call her again) and I felt it was best to respect her wishes and I also was also a bit scared of what she might be capable of. There was some small contact between us just after the split (abuse claim) but she had made her mind up about me and that was that as far as she was concerned. Life sucks sometimes. But it dosnt have to stay that way. I may not be able to help her with any future problems she has, but I have left her in a much better place than where I found her. Even though she does obviously still have some problems she is much more capable of having a good life. And I'm trying to do the same. I'm ramlbling now so I will sign off. The only other bit of advise I have would be to tell your friends about it. If they have known you a long time then they wil know that is not something you are capable of and be able to give you some support. I think I would have cracked up If I didnt have people I could talk to.