Alcoblog Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Well … I know it's not started yet but I can't hold my excitement anymore! I prepare for the onset of the Jubilympics under the watchful smiling face of His Royal highness, Sir Sebastian Coe (kindly supplied by the Sun as a 'souvenir' photo), lovingly displayed in the A3 'clip-art' frame taking pride of place on top of the telly. In line with IOC procedures, I've already thoroughly frisked the sofa for hidden bombs (none), and all the McCain and Aunt Bessie oven chips have been chucked out of the freezer to make way for the special delivery of McDonald's regurgitated ones, coming later today. Water has been banned (in line with regulations) and the taps have been re routed to a tanker full of Heineken for such things as showering and washing the pots (after a yummy plateful of McDonald's fries, no doubt!) Of course, to keep to the true spirit of the games, I've also cut my plastic cards up to prevent me from getting any money, and severely chastised my neighbour for leaving his pedal bike on public display. I pointed out that it looked like 2/5ths of the Olympic logo, and without the correct permission from the IOC he faced a lengthy spell in Broadmoor. (God only knows what would happen if someone parked another bike and a unicycle next to it!) The test firing of the surface-to-air pellet gun (mounted on the roof of the garden shed) worked brilliantly and the feared attack by nesting Mistle Thrushes has now dropped from 'Code Red' to 'Code Green'. All knives in the cutlery drawer over four inches long have been destroyed, in favour of the 'Curved Korma Slasher' (hastily appropriated from Sultan's Tandoori) which I wear with pride off my IOC approved Jubilympics belt. I'm currently in negotiations with Sheffield City Council, getting them to close all roads from my girlfriends house to mine, to allow her congestion free travel ... enabling her to enjoy the Olympian cornucopia of televisual delights at 'Area 51 and a half' without the hindrance of road using riff-raff. I can't see a problem with this ... once I've slipped them a few freebie tickets for the Men's 100metres! All that remains now is for the workmen to fix the crack in the crazy paving driveway to my front door and … I'm ready! Bring it on! What're your thoughts on this truly momentous sporting event? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forumosaurus Posted July 12, 2012 Share Posted July 12, 2012 Fail thread. There's no curling so I'm not watching it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alcoblog Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 Fail thread. There's no curling so I'm not watching it. I'd imagine that Seb's and a few MP's toes are curling today! What a fiasco! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forumosaurus Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 Well yeah, the whole G4S thing is a shambles and it should have been entirely secured by the military all along. Private company's goal is to make a profit and it would have cost a fraction of the £284 Million G4S is getting, if they got soldiers to do it and paid them a big bonus, something everybody would have been happy with I'm sure. In fact, if my calculations are correct, even if a soldier replaced every private security guard at the Olympics and every one received a 10,000 pound bonus for doing so, it would still be less than half the amount of money paid to G4S for their services. 284 million for 10,400. You do the maths. It seems every security guard is worth over 27k. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alcoblog Posted July 13, 2012 Author Share Posted July 13, 2012 I thought G4S was a mobile phone 'til yesterday. Personally, I blame the Lord of the Rings for everything! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeteMorris Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 It's all Hulk Hogans fault! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest sibon Posted July 13, 2012 Share Posted July 13, 2012 You appear to have used the letters P-E-P-S-I in your post. This is in contravention of the official Olympic Partners Act which makes it illegal to subliminally advertise other brands. Please edit your post accordingly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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