Chris_Sleeps Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 what upsets me is why the ends of baguettes are not covered. What would you suggest they do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeteMorris Posted July 17, 2012 Author Share Posted July 17, 2012 I'd like to debate that point but i'm not a scientist so i'll believe you - however in my experience it doesn't. Mass produced bread and proper bakery stuff lasts much longer in our fridge. I regularly have bread in the bread bin going mouldy within a couple of days of purchase. I do think this is due to our warm kitchen with worktops(breadbin) in front of windows. I think you may have answered your own query there. I suppose it's whatever 'works' for you in your houshold. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeteMorris Posted July 17, 2012 Author Share Posted July 17, 2012 What would you suggest they do? Tape it down maybe with the barcode tag? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris_Sleeps Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Supermarkets could employ a specialist baguette squeezer to tell customers which baguette was the best baguette. He'd have a certificate from Baguette College and he'd stop grubby fingered women getting near his bread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
namtaB Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 I'd like to debate that point but i'm not a scientist so i'll believe you - however in my experience it doesn't. Mass produced bread and proper bakery stuff lasts much longer in our fridge. I regularly have bread in the bread bin going mouldy within a couple of days of purchase. I do think this is due to our warm kitchen with worktops(breadbin) in front of windows. Not just because you are a minger then ?? (no offence) :hihi: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeteMorris Posted July 17, 2012 Author Share Posted July 17, 2012 Supermarkets could employ a specialist baguette squeezer to tell customers which baguette was the best baguette. He'd have a certificate from Baguette College and he'd stop grubby fingered women getting near his bread. I'm gonna get off down to Asda and offer my sevices. I could also squeeze the grapes, and the lettuces, and oooooh.....Cream cakes, and all sorts!...It's a proper full time job! Dear Mr Asda, (or Walmart if you prefer) I response to a thread posted on the Sheffield Forum see link I would like to offer my services as your full time baguette squeezer. I am fully experienced in this pastime, and have fingered many dough balls. However, should you require official qualifications in this matter, I would be happy to attend college to gain said qualification. I believe my experience, and talents can also be easily transfered to the fresh fruit and vegetable counter, as well as the delicatessen, and fresh sandwich areas of the store. Why would you need these services? Well, as you will see from the attached link, there has been some concern in regard to questionable 'fingering' of fresh produce by unsavoury characters of questionable personal hygeine. This being the case, I could resolve the problem, so that these actions would no longer be neccessary, as I would be doing all the fingering in a professional manner. I look forward to hearing from you soon, and trust that my application is looked upon favourably. Kind regards Pete Morris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris_Sleeps Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 Dear Mr Asda, (or Walmart if you prefer) I response to a thread posted on the Sheffield Forum see link I would like to offer my services as your full time baguette squeezer. I am fully experienced in this partime, and have fingered many dough balls. However, should you require official qualifications in this matter, I would be happy to attend college to gain said qualification. I believe my experience, and talents can also be easily transfered to the fresh fruit and vegetable counter, as well as the delicatessen, and fresh sandwich areas of the store. Why would you need these services? Well, as you will see from the attached link, there has been some concern in regard to questionable 'fingering' of fresh produce by unsavoury characters of questionable personal hygeine. This being the case, I could resolve the problem, so that these actions would no longer be neccessary, as I would be doing all the fingering in a professional manner. I look forward to hearing from you soon, and trust that my application is looked upon favourably. Kind regards Pete Morris Dear Mr Morris, We thank you kindly for your letter, but we write to inform you that your application for the job of 'fingerer' has not been successful this time. We've recently employed a old hag of questionable personal hygiene to trap people into buying second rate Kingsmill instead, and we feel your skills would not be suited to our needs. We shall keep your CV on file, in case we find any need for your skills at a later date. Possibly when we're trying to sort fruit into that which we can sell easily, and that which we'll sell anyway. With thanks, Asda (AKA, Big Daddy Walmart) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeteMorris Posted July 17, 2012 Author Share Posted July 17, 2012 Dear Mr Morris, We thank you kindly for your letter, but we write to inform you that your application for the job of 'fingerer' has not been successful this time. We've recently employed a old hag of questionable personal hygiene to trap people into buying second rate Kingsmill instead, and we feel your skills would not be suited to our needs. We shall keep your CV on file, in case we find any need for your skills at a later date. Possibly when we're trying to sort fruit into that which we can sell easily, and that which we'll sell anyway. With thanks, Asda (AKA, Big Daddy Walmart) Dear Mr Walmart, Thank you for your prompt resonse to my application. However, I would strongly advise you to rethink your strategy in employing the 'old hag with questionable personal hygeine'. There are several reasons for me concluding this. In fingering the baguettes, and therefore forcing people to buy other 'sealed' products of perhaps a lower standard, this is not really conducive to anyone purchasing the baguettes at all. Not to mention the accompanying smell of the old hag generally. You wouldn't be able to entice custom with the usual aroma of freshly cooked bread. As a result of this 'old hag' wandering aimlessly about the store fingering other products no doubt. This would lead to the inevitable loss of sales of said baguettes, and many other products too. As a result of this, your bakery workers, who are trained to a high standard of hygeine one would assume, would become unemployable, as their function within the store would become surplus to requirements. This woud have a knock on effect throughout the store, and redundancies would ensue. Obviously, this is not compatible with your business 'model' which presumably is to sell as much produce (fingered or not) to as many people as possible. If you are not able to do this, then your store will have to cease trading. This in turn will have a domino effect on other stores with a similar model, especially, if they also employ an old hag too. The nett effect of this disastrous decision is that all supermarkets will have to close, people will go hungry, and anarchy and social unrest will ensue throughout the nation and indeed throughout the world. I seriously hope you will reconsider this course of action and employ myself in the capacity of professional fingerer. Failure to do so will inevitably lead to global meltdown and probably annialation of civilisation as we know it. Yours Urgently Pete Morris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laineyiow Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 No it doesn't, it goes stale quicker. (a scientific fact) Well I've found bread out.of fridge lasts couple of days - bread in fridge a week! Think I'll stick to my own 'scientific' fact - thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alcoblog Posted July 17, 2012 Share Posted July 17, 2012 LETTER FROM KINGSMILL FARMERIES: Dear sirs, It has come to my attention that certain people on this forum are casting nasturtiums on our top quality products. As General manager, I can assure you that all our loaves are produced from the finest free-range bread slices. The bread slices are reared individually to the highest standards and fed on only the finest grains known to man and god. As well as being free to roam, their barns are equipped with showering facilities and Wi-fi connection. All the bread slices enjoy free vetinary and dental care. Upon departure from our farm, the bread slices are asked (politely) to queue up in rows of twenty (tallest to the middle), before being lovingly wrapped in the finest polypropylene bandaging. This bandaging is of course perforated to prevent the little slices developing asphyxiation type symptoms, and of course, overheating. Some say this is to stop the slices escaping, obviously a total fib, orchestrated by farmer Ownbrand (down the road) in a poorly conceived attempt to export his white (never been allowed to see the light of day!) battery reared, caged slices. Due to the high quality of rearing and vetting to our bread slices, it's completely unnecessary for extra health checks at point-of-sale holiday destination outlets. 'Fingering' is a banned word around these parts, and as a responsible bread slice rearer, I'm attempting to force a motion through Parliament (after the Olympics), banning squeezing, prodding and poking of all bread produce from our farmery. Thank you, David Brownslice (Kingsmill Farmeries) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.