boyfriday Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 My dear friends, it is indeed that time of year again. Having returned joyous and refreshed from my annual holiday you can imagine the wave of melancholy that overwhelmed me when I opened my front door to discover a group of squatters had taken up residence in my chintzy mansion apartment. Alas these weren't the desperate and needy from Kazakhstan, or the subjugated and harangued of Mogadishu, no these had made the precarious journey to asylum all the way from my front garden. The evidence was compelling, a warning on the kitchen floor proclaiming "YOU'RE NOT WELCUM" in a spidery scrawl had indeed been created by....a spider Yes my friends, those arachnoids are back but this time with a vengeance.. these are the Oxbridge educated, sumo wrestling equivalent of your common-or-garden beastie..they recline on my sofa, sipping mint juleps and listening to Noel Coward, guffawing maniacally at my paralysis of fear..Mad Dogs & Englishmen has taken on new meaning as I seek refuge in the yard, tortured under the midday sun. Despite the installation of early warning radar, covert tracking systems and deterrent ultra sound devices, their numbers seem to have swelled this year and I can only put it down to them being members of a SWAT team with a difference! Many of you have helped before, and I will be forever grateful to shinyhappy, norks (rip), Tess, curriechick et al, but their sage words and sympathy can do nothing to rid me of my affliction or more importantly my eight legged invaders. I'm not alone in being victimised, my beautiful and elegant girlfriend (think The Hulk in a tiara) is only marginally less affected than I am, she will curl into a hysterical ball and throw pieces of large furniture at anything that comes within 2 feet of her without a written invitation..you can imagine it's reigned havoc on my once a season fumble So if anyone has any original and effective ideas for their eradication I'd be happy to receive them, otherwise I'll be nipping out..and I might be some time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melthebell Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 ive barely seen any spideroids this year, must all be round yours partying Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyfriday Posted July 30, 2012 Author Share Posted July 30, 2012 ive barely seen any spideroids this year, must all be round yours partying I've heard they're intimidated by the Goths of Whitby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medusa Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I've got loads of really lovely spiders in my house and garden at the moment. Would you like me to bring some spider totty round for your spiders to keep them busy for a while? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mort Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I have a cat that likes to catch them and let them run around inside her mouth. She spits them out again after though but they're soggy and more than a little dizzy which slows them down for a while - I can lend you the cat if that helps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agent Orange Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I blame the blacks and jews Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthernStar Posted July 30, 2012 Share Posted July 30, 2012 I allow the use of my bathroom for arachnoid habitation and we get along just fine, I even rescue them from the bath and only hoover disused webs off the wall. Fascinating little beasties. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyfriday Posted July 30, 2012 Author Share Posted July 30, 2012 I've got loads of really lovely spiders in my house and garden at the moment. Would you like me to bring some spider totty round for your spiders to keep them busy for a while? Oh meds, that can have only one outcome...whilst such a distraction might provide some short term comfort, what will happen next year when the progeny from this spider orgy have born fruit Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyfriday Posted July 30, 2012 Author Share Posted July 30, 2012 I have a cat that likes to catch them and let them run around inside her mouth. She spits them out again after though but they're soggy and more than a little dizzy which slows them down for a while - I can lend you the cat if that helps. I can't say Im a fan of cats either morty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyfriday Posted July 30, 2012 Author Share Posted July 30, 2012 I blame the blacks and jews I did try to dispatch one with a Muslamic ray gun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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