Bread... the truth!

[Mosherchik]

1. More than 98% of convicted felons are bread users

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardised tests

3. More than 90% of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread

4. Bread has been proved to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water begged for bread after as little as two days

5. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jam, cold meat and...god forbid...marmite!

6. Newbord babies can choke on bread

7. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400` Fahrenheit. That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute!

8. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90% water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorbative food product, turning you into a soggy gooey bread-pudding person!

9. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling!

Anyone fancy a sandwich

[nomme]

Warning: dihydrogen oxide

 

Dihydrogen Oxide (DHO) is colourless, odourless, tasteless, and kills uncounted thousands of people each year. Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHO, but the dangers of Dihydrogen Oxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance.

 

Not only is DHO dangerous to humans it is also extremely hazardous to the environment. It is a major component of acid rain, it contributes to the greenhouse effect, and is a common cause of erosion of our natural landscape. Worldwide contamination by DHO is reaching epidemic proportions. Quantities of the chemical have been found in almost every stream, lake and reservoir in Australia today. But the pollution is global, and the contaminant has even been found in the Antarctic. So far governments and environmental watchdogs have been indifferent to the problem.

 

Despite the danger DHO is widely used as an industrial solvent and coolant, in nuclear power stations, as a fire retardant, as an additive in certain junk foods and other food products, and in a wide variety of other uses. Companies routinely dump DHO into rivers and oceans, and nothing can be done to stop them because this practice is still legal. The Australian government has refused to ban the production, distribution or use of this damaging chemical due to its 'importance to the economic life of the nation'.

 

In fact the U.S. Navy and other military organizations are conducting experiments with DHO, and designing multi-billion-dollar devices to control and use it during warfare situations. Hundreds of military research facilities receive tons of it through a highly complicated underground distribution network. Many store huge quantities for later use. Act now to prevent further contamination. Contact your member of Parliament today.

 

Nomme

[Mosherchik]

Noooooooooo! Water!

[Funke88]

Nomme, I thought the discussion was about bread?

or are you statistically babbling? Hmm thought so.

 

I got a bread making machine for Xmas and it's an obsession. For the first week I made a loaf every night. I'm on restriction right now as we are both getting to be as big as a house! Overload on carbohydrates. Banana nut, cinnamon raisin, white, whole wheat, jalapeno cheese, you name it, I'll make it. No chemicals or preservatives either. We eat it too fast for it to go off.

[alert_bri]

On the subject of apparently harmless substances...

 

ATTENTION ALL MEN

 

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, pubs and other

partygoers to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink by any

woman. A date rape drug on the market is being used by many females to

target unsuspecting men.

 

The drug, called "beer," is generally found in liquid form and is now

available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, and in

large-quantity containers known as 'kegs'.

 

Beer is used by female sexual predators to persuade their male victims

to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to

persuade a guy to consume a few units of beer and then simply ask him

home for no-strings-attached sex. Most men are rendered helpless against this

approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to desires to

perform sex acts with horrific looking women to whom they would never

otherwise be attracted.

 

After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of

exactly what happened to them the night before, but with a vague feeling

that something bad has occurred.

 

Other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's

savings in a follow-up scam known as "a relationship."

It has been reported that, in extreme cases, the female may even be

shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of

servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage."

 

Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is

administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.

 

PLEASE ALERT EVERY MALE YOU KNOW TO THIS WARNING

 

If you or someone you know have fallen victim to this insidious "beer"

and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups

with venues in many towns where details of shocking encounters may be

discussed in an open, frank, supportive manner with similarly affected men.

 

For the support group nearest you, refer to the "Golf Courses" section

in your local yellow pages

[Grissom]

Old but still good...

 

------------

 

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION BULLETIN

 

MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET NO. EC36C-24-36

 

 

"WOMAN" : A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

 

 

Element: Woman

 

Symbol: Wo

 

Discoverer: Adam

 

Atomic mass: Accepted as 53.6 kg, may vary from 40 - 200kg

 

Occurrence: Copious quantities in all urban areas

 

 

 

Physical properties:

 

1. Surface usually covered in painted film

 

2. Boils at nothing, freezes without any known reason

 

3. Melts if given special treatment

 

4. Bitter if incorrectly used

 

5. Found in various states, ranging from virgin metal to common ore

 

6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points

 

 

 

Chemical properties

 

1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious

 

stones

 

2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances

 

3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known

 

reason

 

4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increases by

 

saturation in

 

alcohol

 

5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man

 

 

 

Common uses:

 

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars

 

2. Can be a great aid to relaxation

 

3. Very effective cleaning agent

 

 

 

Tests:

 

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state

 

2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen

 

 

 

Potential hazards:

 

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands

 

2. Illegal to posses more than one, although several can be

 

maintained

 

at different locations as long as specimens do not come into

 

direct contact with each other

 

 

 

WARNING: PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO THIS ELEMENT CAN CAUSE SEVERE PHYSICAL,

 

MENTAL,

 

AND FINANCIAL DAMAGE

[Fletch]

very funny guys

 

roflmao

[Phanerothyme]

Nomme's right.

 

Leah Betts died from DHO overdose.

 

Lethal stuff alright.

[Funke88]

I can guarantee I will never die from a homemade bread overdose. Then again this has got so far off the subject.. what are we talking about?? Hazardous materials? women, beer?

[Mosherchik]

Originally posted by Funke88

Hazardous materials? women, beer?

 

Arent they the same things?

 

xxx