Total Chaos Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 thanks. Don't care about the money really, it's just principle .... but I do think that's partly the reason why she was being clever - to try and distract us so we wouldnt ask for it?. I'm glad three of you so far have said get rid - that's what we want to do - just didn't want to regret it after but I'm fairly sure we won't, it's not like we did "friend things" every week - I have much nicer friends Then spend more time with them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nexusdee Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 Are you sure everything is ok in her life just because she has a high paid job and well off hubby does not mean their relationship is doing well. Sounds to me as though there could be something more going on here in her personal life (not that its an excuse to act like a bitch) I would try and talk to her first before just walking away. I had a friend turn on me a few years ago which was very upsetting, didn't speak for a few years then she contacted me out of the blue and explained that she had been diagnosed with a mental illness which had been causing her to act irrationally, we are now really good friends again. I was just thinking the same. When all this started do you ever say "are you ok, you just dont seem yourself lately" you say you're upset that she hasn't texted you on the anniversary of the death - sorry to say but many people don't remember dates that other people lose loved ones (none of my family ever text me on the anniversary of my sons death, but I don't go off on one about it) it could be that she has spent all this time waiting for you to be a friend to her & has grown resentful that in her view you don't care & her resentfulness is what's causing the snide remarks? But as you said earlier on its gone past that now and you no longer care do if that is the case then why are you still friends & why are you asking for advice? I suggest that maybe you do care but perhaps either through pride or stubbornness refuse to ask what the problem might be? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
old cossack Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 Its all about money its clear as day luv. Your so called mate cant pay it back so plays funnys buggers with you hoping you give up trying to get money back from them best forgot and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
felix24 Posted September 19, 2012 Author Share Posted September 19, 2012 I was just thinking the same. When all this started do you ever say "are you ok, you just dont seem yourself lately" you say you're upset that she hasn't texted you on the anniversary of the death - sorry to say but many people don't remember dates that other people lose loved ones (none of my family ever text me on the anniversary of my sons death, but I don't go off on one about it) it could be that she has spent all this time waiting for you to be a friend to her & has grown resentful that in her view you don't care & her resentfulness is what's causing the snide remarks? But as you said earlier on its gone past that now and you no longer care do if that is the case then why are you still friends & why are you asking for advice? I suggest that maybe you do care but perhaps either through pride or stubbornness refuse to ask what the problem might be? I took her aside, TWICE on holiday to ask whats up as she was particularly quiet on two evenings. On both occasions she assured me she was fine (but her eyes told me different). I've ALWAYS been a very good friend to her, I've ALWAYS been there for her when she's had screaming rows with her husband, I've took her out on numerous occasions, babysat her kids in their younger days - i get NOTHING like this back, and it is only recently that she has started being bitchy and catty towards me. I'm sorry that people forget the anniversary of your sons death, it's awful, but she knows the date we lost dad very well indeed as it is also the date of our wedding anniversary! also a friend of hers recently lost a very young daughter, i drove over IMMEDIATELY to hug her and console her for the best part of four hours, because I care, and I was sorry for her. why am I asking for advice? because I suppose I want to hear other people's opinions on what's going off, and to hear from other people who have experienced similar. To everyone else, thank you so much for all your advice. I have took every bit on board, I will think about it over the next week and decide what to do, and keep you updated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
felix24 Posted September 19, 2012 Author Share Posted September 19, 2012 Are you sure everything is ok in her life just because she has a high paid job and well off hubby does not mean their relationship is doing well. Sounds to me as though there could be something more going on here in her personal life (not that its an excuse to act like a bitch) I would try and talk to her first before just walking away. I had a friend turn on me a few years ago which was very upsetting, didn't speak for a few years then she contacted me out of the blue and explained that she had been diagnosed with a mental illness which had been causing her to act irrationally, we are now really good friends again. This is why it's so hurtful, I've always been there for her, I've morally supported her no end over the years, I ALWAYS ask her how she is, even if we don't see each other for a while, by text or facebook etc. Every time I have asked her if she's ok she tells me she's fine - I even asked her a couple of times on holiday as she'd been particularly quiet - She's always happy and laughing when we go to theirs so as far as I know there's nothing wrong (although there have been times when they've had bad rows, and I've always been there for her, and comforted her), then the following week/month they're fine again... so I don't know, she seems to love her job, she's always talking about it, and I don't mind listening, I'm interested in her life! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
felix24 Posted September 19, 2012 Author Share Posted September 19, 2012 Its all about money its clear as day luv. Your so called mate cant pay it back so plays funnys buggers with you hoping you give up trying to get money back from them best forgot and move on. thats exactly what my mum and daughter have said... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
felix24 Posted September 19, 2012 Author Share Posted September 19, 2012 Then spend more time with them. I am doing now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
felix24 Posted September 19, 2012 Author Share Posted September 19, 2012 I think, and all my family also think that her actions show she is jealous/ envious of my life for some reason, thinking about it this only seems to have been happening since she took a promotion at work ... which doesn't make much sense does it? I work but as I said earlier I earn nowhere near what she does - doesn't bother me one bit, never has and never will, I'm pleased for her and she knows this.. I sent her her one and only good luck in your new job card and a bouquet for example. Oh I'm confused.... but I'm now wondering if she fancies my hubby......... that might explain a few things actually...!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Strix Posted September 19, 2012 Share Posted September 19, 2012 This is why it's so hurtful, I've always been there for her, I've morally supported her no end over the years, I ALWAYS ask her how she is, even if we don't see each other for a while, by text or facebook etc. Every time I have asked her if she's ok she tells me she's fine - I even asked her a couple of times on holiday as she'd been particularly quiet - She's always happy and laughing when we go to theirs so as far as I know there's nothing wrong (although there have been times when they've had bad rows, and I've always been there for her, and comforted her), then the following week/month they're fine again... so I don't know, she seems to love her job, she's always talking about it, and I don't mind listening, I'm interested in her life!Ah, now we might be getting somewhere your relationship is on firmer footing than hers? she suspects her husband of infidelity? she suspects that infidelity has something to do with you? in one of those rows he has compared her to you unfavourably? You're looking at her and thinking she has everything she could want, but is she looking at your life and thinking the grass is greener and resenting it for some reason? She's going to have difficulty expressing this if she's climbed the career ladder and you're paddling about at the bottom being happier than she is. We (as women) are under pressure to want everything (relationship, house, kids, job, holidays) but how realistic is all of that? We're not encouraged to be HAPPY Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sierra Posted September 20, 2012 Share Posted September 20, 2012 I took her aside, TWICE on holiday to ask whats up as she was particularly quiet on two evenings. On both occasions she assured me she was fine (but her eyes told me different). I've ALWAYS been a very good friend to her, I've ALWAYS been there for her when she's had screaming rows with her husband, I've took her out on numerous occasions, babysat her kids in their younger days - i get NOTHING like this back, and it is only recently that she has started being bitchy and catty towards me. I'm sorry that people forget the anniversary of your sons death, it's awful, but she knows the date we lost dad very well indeed as it is also the date of our wedding anniversary! also a friend of hers recently lost a very young daughter, i drove over IMMEDIATELY to hug her and console her for the best part of four hours, because I care, and I was sorry for her. why am I asking for advice? because I suppose I want to hear other people's opinions on what's going off, and to hear from other people who have experienced similar. To everyone else, thank you so much for all your advice. I have took every bit on board, I will think about it over the next week and decide what to do, and keep you updated. It's funny how when things go wrong, we always look within ourselves for the reason. It's clear your friend doesn't want your help nor is she being honest about the change in her behavior. I should stress here that you will likely never get the truth out of her, so don't even try. Years ago, we took in my godaughter (then aged eight) because her mother (my good friend) was having marital and financial problems and had three other children. We lived in the same town and the little girl saw her parents often. I loved this child like my own (still do!) and never asked for a dime for her care. When things stabilized for her parents after a few months, she went back home. I found out later from a mutual friend that my godaughter's mother had said some terrible things about me, and I won't deny I was hurt and confused. WTH?! Your friend may be having a hard time repaying the money you lent her and she's embarrassed or ashamed. Sometimes people know they've done you wrong and can't face you. Makes no sense, because if she apologized and offered a heartfelt explanation for her crappy behavior I'm sure you'd be understanding. And many people who look well off are actually living paycheck to paycheck or going under. This is about her, not you. I would minimize contact (don't cut off contact purely out of curiosity) and just wait and see what happens. P.S. Have you mentioned this to any mutual friends? Maybe they know something you don't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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