Daughter not coping with bereavement

[stingray-man]

Yeah she texts me when she feels worse but then she is begging me to come and pick her up as she doesnt want to be in school so sometimes I feel as though no contact would be better but then is it too much not to have no contact at all - will it make her panic even more ?

 

have you considered the fact she maybe using these things as an excuse to get out of school ?, and i know you have said she tells you she likes school etc but isn't that what every parent wants to hear ?

 

maybe it's time to lay down the law and tell her she needs to go to school she hasn't any other option, if she see's that your taking charge and getting back on track that may show her to do the same.

[missymoo73]

This is the problem kids have when their parents pandering to every move. Most obese kids are obese because their parents pander as an example.

 

I don't pander to her every move she is grieving and if you saw her she clearly isn't coping well - she isn't eating ( and she is underweight to start off with) or sleeping so its not just attention she is looking for.

[missymoo73]

have you considered the fact she maybe using these things as an excuse to get out of school ?, and i know you have said she tells you she likes school etc but isn't that what every parent wants to hear ?

 

maybe it's time to lay down the law and tell her she needs to go to school she hasn't any other option, if she see's that your taking charge and getting back on track that may show her to do the same.

 

I have considered it yes but I know she loves school she has lots of friends and doesnt struggle with any of her work etc...it just seems to be this with her Grandad and the though of losing me, her Dad and other members of her family.

[stingray-man]

I don't pander to her every move she is grieving and if you saw her she clearly isn't coping well - she isn't eating ( and she is underweight to start off with) or sleeping so its not just attention she is looking for.

 

And your quite sure she isn't being bullied ?, if not then maybe try sitting down with her and having a more in depth conversation asking about how she is feeling and what she thinks is causing her problems might get to the bottom of it.

 

just remember you cant help her if you dont tell her the truth, as much as she might not like the things you say or agree with them she will need to see things from a different perspective, which may give her abit of hope or just a kick up the bum

[Agent Orange]

Other than what you have already done and constantly reassuring her, I cannot suggest anything that would be of great help. Sorry.

 

I hope you and your daughter find a way forward with this soon

[stingray-man]

I have considered it yes but I know she loves school she has lots of friends and doesnt struggle with any of her work etc...it just seems to be this with her Grandad and the though of losing me, her Dad and other members of her family.

 

grieving is a long process for some, and although its easy for people to say 'just get on with it' its never that easy for the person concerned, sometimes just telling her that her grandfather would not want her to miss school and would want better for her may make her think more about her decisions or make her want to get on with school and her life for her grandad because im sure thats what he would have wanted.

[larky]

Time is the best healer with regards going through such and its tough

 

for us never mind for younger ones ..Just have to keep yer eye on her

 

and all ye can do is chat about things as normal as you can

 

as sais time is the healer and sorry to hear about, but the best of Luck ..

[skinz]

I don't pander to her every move she is grieving and if you saw her she clearly isn't coping well - she isn't eating ( and she is underweight to start off with) or sleeping so its not just attention she is looking for.

 

Sorry, I wasn't suggesting you were. The obese thing was an example of how when children make demands their parents concede because of not wanting to hurt, but in the long term do. Their actually blinded by their own pain to be able to see reality. Whatever she is seeking whether it be attention, reasurance etc the end result is you are the center of it. It isn't so much about how she is dealing with it, it's more about how you deal with her dealing with it...it would seem.

[missymoo73]

have you considered the fact she maybe using these things as an excuse to get out of school ?, and i know you have said she tells you she likes school etc but isn't that what every parent wants to hear ?

 

maybe it's time to lay down the law and tell her she needs to go to school she hasn't any other option, if she see's that your taking charge and getting back on track that may show her to do the same.

 

Well I am trying this this morning this stance this morning.

 

Had a good talk to her last night and thought I had got somewhere but no this morning floods of tears saying she is going to miss me.

 

Its tough love time and see what this does......fingers crossed it works.

[missymoo73]

Other than what you have already done and constantly reassuring her, I cannot suggest anything that would be of great help. Sorry.

 

I hope you and your daughter find a way forward with this soon

 

Thanks Agent