matsalleh Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 She does a grand job of typing all your posts though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeMaquis Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 I agree! ... Scart sockets are so passe now! (sorry... can't even do the French 'Umlaut' thing on my comp ... bet her telly can though!) She'll probably end up going out with that French Gerald Depardieu (now Belgium exile) on a dating channel (Chanel number five) ... I'll probably end up with being stuck with Kate Moss. The French letter (ooh er, madame) é has an acute accent - accent aigu - not an umlaut which is German and doesn't apply to the letter e anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RootsBooster Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 Right ... just to clear the air here, this isn't about 'jealousy', as such. (I sincerely hope there's no ladies looking here, as the thread title suggests) My girlfriend (we don't live together) has recently been bullied advised by my goodself, to purchase a colour televisualacular apparatus whereupon I can actually see an image for once (ie ... visually recognisable on a human retina), and, (possibly more helpfully), produce sounds that're capable of human audionics and (therefore) consumption. She's only bloody gone and done it hasn't she! :gag: ... state of the art 3 dimensional, three kilometer wide screened, quadrophonic, plasmatronic, holographic, computer animated, 1mm deep excellence! To make matters worse, it was me who actually set it all up for her! It makes my ten year old tripwire 24 DIN plug Scart socket bestowed, carpet infesting Sony look only what can be described as technologically stupid! What do you think ... should I 'dump' her? (My computer's still a bit better than hers though, since I snipped through the telephone cabely wire thingy in her house, with her nail clippers ... no malice involved ... total accident) Had this problem many a time. There is an easy solution, firstly you need to make a wooden frame fascia which, when placed over the front of the TV screen, will reduce the size down to a more reasonable 17". Having done this, you must acquire a supply of humbugs, melt them down and pour as thinly as possible a nice, flat layer of molten humbug. You may have to reheat and flatten out several more times until you have yourself a nice translucent film. Attach this within the previously made frame and you now have a monochrome filter, which will render the TV image in black and white, no matter how much she tries to adjust it. Glue the frame/B&W filter system over the TV screen. Bin the remote control. Finally, stick a large analogue dial knob over the IR receiver on the TV. A large toothpaste cap may do for this. For additional effect you could glue a money box on the back of the TV. Good luck brother Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
carosio Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 The French letter (ooh er, madame) é has an acute accent - accent aigu - not an umlaut which is German and doesn't apply to the letter e anyway. A truly grave mistake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alcoblog Posted December 17, 2012 Author Share Posted December 17, 2012 The French letter (ooh er, madame) é has an acute accent - accent aigu - not an umlaut which is German and doesn't apply to the letter e anyway. I'm aware of that ... I was mucking about! ---------- Post added 17-12-2012 at 10:52 ---------- Just make sure she gives you a helicopter for xmas..then you won't have to watch the TV..any of it! Hoping I'll be able to watch Sky here Pete. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeteMorris Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 I'm aware of that ... I was mucking about! ---------- Post added 17-12-2012 at 10:52 ---------- Hoping I'll be able to watch Sky here Pete. So you want a telescope too! :hihi: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
max Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 Bless, you'll be able to watch all the crappy shows like X-Factor, Strictly Arse Dancing, I'm a Wannabee, get me in here, etc, in glorious 3D, technicolour, sound surround, etc., all cuddled up in your individualised matching onesies. It just goes to prove that you should be careful what you wish for. Enjoy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adamf Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 Yeah dump her m8, I'll come and take her off your hands (as favour like) as long as she brings her telly. That reminds me of the classic personal ad: Good woman wanted. Must be able to cook, cut bait and clean fish. Must have own boat and motor. Please send photo of boat and motor with reply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frazer1974 Posted December 17, 2012 Share Posted December 17, 2012 The only time a woman should have better electronics than a man is in the bedroom dept... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alcoblog Posted December 17, 2012 Author Share Posted December 17, 2012 Had this problem many a time. There is an easy solution, firstly you need to make a wooden frame fascia which, when placed over the front of the TV screen, will reduce the size down to a more reasonable 17". Having done this, you must acquire a supply of humbugs, melt them down and pour as thinly as possible a nice, flat layer of molten humbug. You may have to reheat and flatten out several more times until you have yourself a nice translucent film. Attach this within the previously made frame and you now have a monochrome filter, which will render the TV image in black and white, no matter how much she tries to adjust it. Glue the frame/B&W filter system over the TV screen. Bin the remote control. Finally, stick a large analogue dial knob over the IR receiver on the TV. A large toothpaste cap may do for this. For additional effect you could glue a money box on the back of the TV. Good luck brother Thanks for your 'Hi-tec' top quality advice there Mr. Booster. I'm fairly adept with woodwork, and could easily (with the help of my Bosch jig-saw and a tube of 'Liquid Nails'), produce a top quality fascia out of shuttering board (or something of similar high quality) This would easily (with a bit of hard work), render the screen size down to a more palatable 17 inches (in old money) I bar humbugs though. Do you think Malteesers would work? They'd probably produce a nice sepia tone? (I'm no expert, so advice is important here) I'm planning to saw off quite a bit of the TV aeriel with my trusty Swiss Army Knife attachment, which should render the picture quality totally uselessto one similar to my Sony. So far as to your suggestions concerning the 'remote' are concerned, it's pretty easy. She's not figured out how to use it. I think I can safely replace it with a block of Lindt chocolate, or maybe a terracotta ceramic floor tile. This would go unnoticed. As a last point, I'm madly brushing my teeth at the mo with 'Arm and Hammer', to reproduce enough control knob 'Toothpaste tops' I think all this additional 'fine tuning' would go largely unnoticed over the festive period, due to the six foot Christmas tree (Complete with the 500 flashing LED's), I'm cunningly planning to install just in front of the TV. I presume she'll just think she's watching a re-run of the Morecambe and Wise Christmas Special. ---------- Post added 17-12-2012 at 11:58 ---------- So you want a telescope too! :hihi: Probably ... so long as the remote-controlled helicopter's (complete with camera) batteries are up for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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