Can living apart relationships work ?

[ronthenekred]

The situation is this

My partner and I love each other very much

He moved in with me 18 months ago, before that I had been on my own for quite a while and basically got used to living on my own

 

I have always liked my own space and and recently have been feeling a bit suffocated, it is only a small flat

I have my own way of doing things and maybe I am a little bit OCD on how I live my life

This has recently started becoming a problem and putting a strain on our relationship

It is such a shame because we love each other in every other way

I have suggested he get a place of his own but still have a relationship

 

He thinks this will end our relationship, I dont think it will

 

Am I being extremley selfish by wanting my cake and eat it so to speak,

He did say that he feels like a lodger which makes me think we would both be better with our own place

 

 

does anyone else have a succesful 'live apart relationship'

 

other peoples thoughts would be appreciated

thanks

 

ps we are both mature adults with no dependant children

 

In short yes they can. Much more difficult I would imagine after you've both made the commitment to live together. Depending on maturity, insecurities etc, reverting would be seen as a failure..but as I said that has more to do with insecurities and maturity. I believe that if your relationship is equal on every level, trust and respect being the main factors then a relationship is capable of any difficulty.

[metalman]

To be fair, if you move in with a woman for 18 months and then she asks you to move out again, I don't think you've got to be very insecure to conclude that the writing's on the wall. Hard to say whether it would work as a live apart relationship if one party wasn't all that keen on the idea though; getting a bigger place together might work, but if you still find out you can't live together it might be harder to split up.

[Cyclone]

The only problem may be whether the other person can handle it, and the fact that they're issuing threats that the relationship will end if they can't live there, is not a good sign.

 

I saw that the other half had an opinion that it might end the relationship, but the OP said nothing about issuing threats.

[chardonnay]

thank you all very much for you comments

this has been really helpful and I dont feel as though I am being terrible for suggesting it now

 

all I know is if we dont try and I let him have his way and stay living together then I will just end up resenting him and then the relationship will no doubt have to end if that happens

 

thanks again for your comments

 

I will surely let you know what happens

 

---------- Post added 12-01-2013 at 12:16 ----------

 

just an update on the situation

 

after a long discussion we have decided

we are going to buy something together (we are lucky enough to be in a situation to do this thankfully)

and rent out my flat

that way we have something together which is ours and not just mine

and by renting out the flat we have somewhere to fall back on if times ever get tough or even more drastically something happens to one of us and we have to sell

 

why on earth we didnt do this sooner I dont know

 

thanks again for all your comments