best sheff Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 I'm going to be truthful here, on first seeing the amount of writing on this thread, regarding changing a bed, I quickly decided to move on rather fast. But flicking through Sheff Forum I kept returning to it and reading the reply posts, that were praising his intitial post So I than decided probably worth a read, as the good people of Sheff Forum don't praise posts lightly. Well on reading this post I was gripped and actually laughed. If you know me, that's a miracle in-itself. So Pete, well done, you missed you vocation of a comedy script writer. You made something as mundane as changing a bed into a humourous adventure, I thought I was reading a script from a Mr Bean clip. Well done sir, for bringing a smile to my face. That's my long-winded reply, but a positve one too-boot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buck Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Well, we all know that men are not ‘domestic’ creatures. Creatures perhaps, but not exactly domesticated! Here’s a tale of my attempts to change my bedding (when I was single, and living alone) So, I had decided it was time to change my bedding. What could be simpler? Change the quilt cover, change the pillow cases, and change the sheets. It’s a five minute job...Isn’t it? I had been to the local ‘charity’ shop some time before and bought a complete set of what looked pretty much like new bedding. It smelled lovely and was pretty much pristine. So that was my choice of ‘change’. Why not? That’s why I bought it. Ok, it’s early evening in the winter (that’s relevant!), and I set to, by stripping the bed. Sheet off, pillow cases off, and then the ten second job of taking off the quilt cover. No problem!...Easy isn’t it? The first job I decided was to put the new quilt cover on the quilt. Yes I’ve read and even seen the inside-outy method, that makes things really simple. But you have to remember, I’m a bloke. I’d tried it before and got into an awful mess. So decided to struggle with the ‘traditional method’. So there I am shoving, pushing, cajoling, swearing, deciding swearing wasn’t appropriate, talking nicely, and almost disappearing inside the quilt cover. For god’s sake, it just isn’t going to fit!!! Eventually, after 5 minutes of fighting, I finally discover that the reason it’s such a problem is that it’s a single quilt, and I’m trying to stuff a double quilt inside it!! Thank goodness I’m alone and nobody can witness by ‘basic’ error. No problem! I’ve got other quilt covers. Haven’t I? So next is the search for a suitable ‘double’ quilt cover. I’ve got a wicker blanket box where I store all the bedding, and rummage through there to find a ‘suitable’ alternative. Bingo! This will do. It’s not exactly colour coordinated with my bedroom, but hey, I’m a bloke, and live alone. Does that matter? I decide it’s my bedroom and who’s gonna notice? Here we go again. The traditional ‘fight’ with the quilt versus the quilt cover. I shove the corners into the quilt cover corners, and feel I’m getting somewhere. After several bouts of swearing yet again! It’s finally in. It’s flat, with no lumps and I’m pretty pleased. I’ve managed it. Then I notice that it’s inside out...I take a deep breath and trying to suppress my annoyance, I strip it off again, and start the ‘fitting’ once again. I’m getting good at this, and it’s fitted in no time at all. Then I go to close the quilt. I wasn’t sure if it was buttons or ‘poppers’. I find it’s buttons...But there’s only one button!!!!!...Aaaargh...Sod it, I think....Who cares?...Then I have visions of it sneaking out of the cover during the night, and leaving me with just the cover during a nights sleep. It’s gotta go! So to cut a long story short, I find yet another quilt cover...eventually!...It’s not the right colour...who cares? I’m getting good at this caper by now. Strip the buttonless cover off, and replace it with one that does have fastenings. I checked that it was not inside out, I checked that it did have fasteners that ‘work’. What could possibly go wrong now? After another five minutes of wrestling with it, it’s inside, but it’s a bit lumpy. No problem. I’ll just kick off my slippers, and with bare feet, just stand on the bed and give it a good shake. This will give me height, and make it easy to smooth out the lumps. There I am stood on the bed and ‘shaking’ for all I’m worth when....CRASH...My shaking the quilt mean that I’m pretty close to the light fitting...That smashes, and the entire house is plunged into darkness! There I am, bare-footed, in the pitch black, knowing there are shards of glass all over the bed, and I’m barefooted! I can’t see what on earth I’m doing, but know I have to get downstairs to the kitchen and flick the trip-switch to get the lights back on again. I gingerly, fall to my knees, and feel sharp pains in my knees...Yep they’ve been cut...I don’t know how badly, but it’s odds on that they are now bleeding. I make my way downstairs in the dark. The electric board is in the kitchen, but it’s high up. So I need to get the step ladders to reach them. Fortunately, I know where they are in the dark. I start climbing the step ladders and unfortunately in the dark miss my footing, and fall off, hitting my head on the cupboard. Ouch! That bloody hurt! Really hurt!! Eventually, I climb the ladders and manage to ‘flick’ the switch...Hey presto! I now have lights again! Thinking laterally, I get a spare bulb from the ‘man’ cupboard. I know I’m gonna need one before going back into the bedroom. The tricky bit, is I know there’s still shards of glass everywhere. So it’s a matter of setting up the vacuum cleaner, to scour the mattress and associated areas. After removing the glass from my slippers, I set to, vacuuming the area for all traces of glass. I’m getting kinda fed up now!...Did the bed smell that bad? Ok, I’m back in the bedroom and ready to continue the fight. The bulb is replaced, the blood from my feet and knees and head, are subsiding. I set to, to finish the job I started. I fasten the quilt with the provided poppers...Job almost done! Whoohooo...The quilt is done! Now it’s just a matter of fitting the fitted sheet and the pillow cases and it’s done!..Thank GOD! Now it’s gotta be easy fitting the sheet. Think again!!! I put one side one, and fit the other, and the boing...the original side pops out...and so it goes on...fit one side and the other pops off...After another inordinate amount of swearing and cussing, it’s finally fitted. Albeit, I’m not convinced it will survive a night’s sleep with me tossing and turning. Last but not least, the pillow cases. Easy peasy!...Yep, there’s no problem there! So there we are. One completed bed change. The bed change took me two hours to complete. Is that something of a record? This sir is why I use a sleeping bag:hihi: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeteMorris Posted February 3, 2013 Author Share Posted February 3, 2013 I'm going to be truthful here, on first seeing the amount of writing on this thread, regarding changing a bed, I quickly decided to move on rather fast. But flicking through Sheff Forum I kept returning to it and reading the reply posts, that were praising his intitial post So I than decided probably worth a read, as the good people of Sheff Forum don't praise posts lightly. Well on reading this post I was gripped and actually laughed. If you know me, that's a miracle in-itself. So Pete, well done, you missed you vocation of a comedy script writer. You made something as mundane as changing a bed into a humourous adventure, I thought I was reading a script from a Mr Bean clip. Well done sir, for bringing a smile to my face. That's my long-winded reply, but a positve one too-boot. Well, I'm honoured kind sir. The fact is: It's completely true in every detail! I left out the bits about mopping the blood from the floor, and from this step ladders in the kitchen. I didn't want the gore to put people off!..hahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Bloke Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Well Pete, it's taken me 3 attempts to read your post as I nodded off twice! I don't know about your efforts being some kind of record but they are certainly a cure for insomnia... ... Zzzzzzzzz! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EASTWOOD141 Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 well I've read a lot on this thread about making a bed, but no one has mentioned using a hammer and nails yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SevenRivers Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 I have no idea who those people are???...I don't read the Daily Mail (or daily fail as it's often referred to on here)...I don't read newspapers! You really should try reading a bit of Liz Jones or Samantha Brick, it's like mental torture. Good practice in case you are ever extraordinarily renditioned to Camp X-Ray. Test your mettle and endurance before you feel like smashing your computer as you read it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeteMorris Posted February 3, 2013 Author Share Posted February 3, 2013 Well Pete, it's taken me 3 attempts to read your post as I nodded off twice! I don't know about your efforts being some kind of record but they are certainly a cure for insomnia... ... Zzzzzzzzz! Well, it must have had something, for you to attempt it 3 times? Have you had your sense of humour surgically removed?.hahaha ---------- Post added 03-02-2013 at 15:49 ---------- well I've read a lot on this thread about making a bed, but no one has mentioned using a hammer and nails yet. Now that's a whole different thread subject...Why don't you attempt it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Bloke Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Well, it must have had something, for you to attempt it 3 times? Have you had your sense of humour surgically removed?.hahaha Ouch!... That hurt! I stuck with it for the sole reason that it was written by you! I, unlike many, appreciate the efforts you make to try to keep the forum alive with interesting threads. The problem is, any post that is longer than a couple of paragraphs is unlikely to be read by those with the attention span of a goldfish, and so in order to keep your audience focussed you need to keep the size of your posts to a minimum. You may be pleased to know that my sense of humour is in good working order and is fully employed on several other threads as we speak! (Though not necessarily accessible to SF members) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SevenRivers Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Thanks Pete I now get adverts over here <<<< for various places selling linen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr Bloke Posted February 3, 2013 Share Posted February 3, 2013 Thanks Pete I now get adverts over here <<<< for various places selling linen. That's strange... ...I'm getting an advert for British Gas! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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