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Meteor passing earth tonight


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Wait for it..........wait for it.

Its coming, and will probably go as thus......

 

I was cycling down Penistone Rd, at a steady 18mph, when suddenly a huge asteroid landed straight in front of me WITH NO LIGHTS ON !!!!. I was so startled by this invasion on my hallowed cycle route that I swerved to miss it, causing me to fall off and graze my elbow. The fear and distress I experienced was so great that I actually lost control of my anal nerve, and began to pass wind perfusely. This massive escape of non toxic gas caused my pink lycra suit to swell and begin to expand, and before I could say "Bradly Wiggins", I began to float upwards and began drifting towards the highway. Just as I approached the road, Superdream was driving his big silly lorry past me, and beeped his horn to startle me even more. At that point the gases had began to deplete, and I gently floated to the ground, managing to land on my feet. I turned and glared at Superdream, and tutted and huffed, then made my way back to my claude-butler, in a jaunty fashion, of course.

Had it not been for the good grace of the unlit asteroid landing in front of me, I wouldnt have had the chance to glare and tut at Superdream in his big silly lorry, even though he was selfishly delivering milk to Tesco at the time.

It just goes to show that even when an asteroid hits earth in this manner, cycles are much more important on the roads than anyone else, especially big silly lorries making silly deliveries to supermarkets.

Signed;

A Burke, Cyclist.

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