Waldo Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 You've been given some great advice here, and the cover letter by Denlin is perfectly fine. However, using the better cover letter in place of your own, is one thing; understanding why it is better, is another thing altogether. I don't think you have a good grasp on why it's better. Perhaps you could try printing both out; and show each letter to family and friends, ask them which they prefer and why (tell them to be completely honest with you). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BEDROCK Posted March 6, 2013 Author Share Posted March 6, 2013 My final cut down version and that is it... I write to you with great interest to be considered for any customer facing roles you may have, which can provide me with reliable Part-Time work on a permanent basis. Based on my commitment to find long-term employment, your company presents a great opportunity for me to provide you with years of expertise in this particular field. A particular skill I have gained is the ability to build rapport with customers especially being able to negotiate effectively so it benefits both the business and the consumer. While working for retail stores, my reliability and dedication ensured that departments were open of trade and my hard work and successful initiative added immense value. I have adapted to changes in many roles by being open to new challenges and this ability in particular has enabled me to advance my development and learn new skills. Being flexible and eager to learn, I can start work immediately and will be more than happy to have any additional training, should it be required. I have attached a copy of my curriculum vitae for your consideration and am available for interview at any time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marx Posted March 6, 2013 Share Posted March 6, 2013 My final cut down version and that is it... I write to you with great interest to be considered for any customer facing roles you may have, which can provide me with reliable Part-Time work on a permanent basis. Based on my commitment to find long-term employment, your company presents a great opportunity for me to provide you with years of expertise in this particular field. A particular skill I have gained is the ability to build rapport with customers especially being able to negotiate effectively so it benefits both the business and the consumer. While working for retail stores, my reliability and dedication ensured that departments were open of trade and my hard work and successful initiative added immense value. I have adapted to changes in many roles by being open to new challenges and this ability in particular has enabled me to advance my development and learn new skills. Being flexible and eager to learn, I can start work immediately and will be more than happy to have any additional training, should it be required. I have attached a copy of my curriculum vitae for your consideration and am available for interview at any time. Your rhetoric means nothing. Be specific and cite evidence that backs up your claims. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BEDROCK Posted March 6, 2013 Author Share Posted March 6, 2013 They can see that for themselves on my CV, they are not stupid and can use common sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gym_rat Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 This Spec Letter sounds fine to me, but what do I know! I write to you with great interestto be considered for any customer facingroles you may have, which can provide me with reliable Part-Time work on a permanent basis. Based on your business and the quality of products you sell, I believe that I would be an excellent fit within your company as it matches personal knowledge and interests including my previous retail experience as described on my attached curriculum vitae. At the Co-op, I developed excellent social skills by resolving difficult situations and getting on well with people at all levels. My reliability and dedication ensured outlets were open for trade, which is where my hard work and initiative added value. I have adapted easily to change when working on various departments and was valued by fellow colleagues for taking charge of situations and having an enthusiastic attitude. Being flexible and eager to learn, I can start work immediately and will be more than happy to have any additional training, should it be required. I have attached a copy of my curriculum vitae for your consideration and am available for interview at any time. there - in black and white, the parts the person opening your letter will read, the rest is just rubbish that will put your application in the bin clear enough? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oldtrout Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 For god sakes, what now, what is wrong with vested interest??? do you actually use those words in real life? try this at Tesco next time your shopping "I ask you with vested interest to pass me a joint of ham and I shall forthwith pay for it at the cash counter" it`ll make the deli counter girls day. This really make me giggle ... and I really am not laughing at you, Bedrock! I think you've had some sound advice on your letters/cv from some very patient people who are obviously going out of their way to help you. You are frustrated because you don't really understand the need to be brief in your letters. Just take the advice for now, see how it goes, and review if you don't get any joy. Best of luck anyway! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ianparkin Posted March 7, 2013 Share Posted March 7, 2013 I have watched this thread with some degree of incredulity and Bedrock's style of writing reminds me of the letters i get from Nigeria wanting me to launder £6,000,000 Is English your first language Bedrock? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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