Can People Change?

[BEDROCK]

Hello, having been through numerous changes in my life the last 10-15 years has been the most life altering.

 

From being a rather open minded innocent and confident chap with not much care in the world to a rather messed up individual who has life on his shoulders now it is startling.

 

Having had everything at one time over 5 years ago with a job, relationships and everything happening at once, to a rather stagnant slow as hell and potential dead end now it makes me wonder, do people only ever have all the positives in life happen in one period of their life and you can never really have those things back.

 

I have been through serious depression over recent years, from one damaging relationship to the other including family, once having everything to now having nothing, even having a good week is a bonus and just being motivated to get up in the morning is also a plus.

 

I had relationships with many people but no matter how hard I wanted to settle down and have some stability in life the others wanted to deceive and never be willing to share my dreams.

 

I used to be willing to trust and be taken by someone's persona and what they say or were but now have been rather picky and often frustrated that when doors have opened for me like work, friendships or relationships they have always been wrong or something I have not fancied, other people liking me but never being mean I never lead people on and just maintain distance and friendships.

 

I have grown apart from what friends I have made due to never really having anything in common with any of them and have also drifted apart from family due to me wanting to be independent and never burdening them with my rubbish, even when they mostly never interested anyway and only talk because they never want to appear in front of others that they actually get it or understand.

 

I have lived alone for a decade now and have very little human contact so isolations, depression, loneliness and all those things really start weighing you down and cause you to think about things and look at all the bad points and never give myself a break.

 

I have thought about death many times and say others would never know I existed so would rather not be here, I have not had those thoughts for quite a while as I have had a decent year but occasionally find myself falling back especially when I go to bed and gather my thoughts, I also find it hard to sleep most nights and often bounce off the walls wondering how I am going to sleep, things like that can ruin your life.

 

I was also more fitter and better looking years ago which means I have been more self concious about myself and always worrying about my weight and what things look like, stress can change your looks immensely in not so long a time.

 

I had everything years ago, my world at my oyster, I had many responsibilities and relished all the challenges, now I struggle even with day to day activities and often wonder how I coped many moons ago, it was like I was a different person entirely.

 

I am ready to move on and turn a page, would love a part-time job to get my confidence up and I have learned to like myself more which I hope will lead to a loving and lasting relationship with someone where we can both share trust and companionship, things like this are important to me.

 

Years ago I did also have stresses but shrugged them up and got on with things like work or what ever came my way, now I just feel winded and have no energy going forward like automatically knowing in advance what the results will be hence not willing to proceed, I think we all think like that at times, not willing to take chances because you will see the results will not be worth it, a vicious circle.

 

So, having had it all to losing it all, can people change in short amount of times from being 2 completely different people, like night and day, there must be someone!

[Halibut]

I think you answered your own question.

[Mister M]

I wonder if you saying that you feel you have no energy to move forward is symptomatic of how you feel in general.

 

Yes to answer the question people can change and often it is a result of their circumstances changing that this happens. But it sounds like you're in a rut.

 

You've said you suffered depression in the past. Do you think it is creeping up on you again?

[BEDROCK]

Well, it comes and goes, you can never really predict how a day will go.

 

Some days I am really determined and get some sense of achievement because I have done things.

 

While other days they are wasted and you wish you could turn the clock back!

[Mister M]

But you're allowed to have wasted days....I think that it would help if you could be a little less hard on yourself....

You've mentioned wanting a part time job - as a step towards this is voluntary work something that you would consider?

You'd get sense of achievement in doing something that you'd enjoy, meet new people and give structure to your day.

[*Belle*]

Small changes lead to big changes. The fact that you have posted your problem on here, is actually quite a big step already. You know that you cant go on like you have been doing. The downward spiral that goes nowhere. By posting, you have made a big step forwards.

 

You need to get some positive structure in your daily routine. Don't dwell on the past, its gone. Set a day, lets say this Saturday. Set your alarm, get up, get showered. Don some favourite togs and get yourself out for a walk for half an hour, dont amble along, walk as though you mean business, set a route before you set off and stick to it. Make a determined effort to do this for one week. Do your shopping somewhere different next week. Buy a different type of bread, a different brand of soap...or whatever. Small changes, some may sound silly at first.... but it is all about you taking control, rather than events controlling you. Come back and tell. Privately if necessary.

[charlie_boy]

Hi there,

 

Im going to answer your title only. Yes people can change. They can change their behaviour, learn to manage their emotions and live differently once they have learnt how they don't want to live anymore.

[BEDROCK]

My strength is no longer there anymore to allow good things to happen.

[pattricia]

Well, it comes and goes, you can never really predict how a day will go.

 

Some days I am really determined and get some sense of achievement because I have done things.

 

While other days they are wasted and you wish you could turn the clock back!

 

Its not what happens in our life that upsets us, but how we respond to it. Never fear 85% of all that we worry about never happens. Live in the present and dont dwell on the past.