Anna B Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 By example! Our family -- great grandparents down -- studied and qualified and worked. The children grow up in an environment where study and conventionl manners are the norm. so is discussion of a wide range of issues, with mutual respect. I think we are generous of our time, attention and money, without bribery. It's hard to put into words, but it seems to be working so far. May that continue! Good post. Particularly agree with the 'generous of time, attention and money' (although money is an interesting one - how much is generous?) I also agree with poster who said to distinguish between things that don't really matter; they're teenagers, rebellion is their middle name - let them win one occasionally, and things that do. Also it's no good waiting until they're teenagers to try and expect to be able to instill values and self discipline, that needs to start from the beginning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy Jnr Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Ours is motivated by food, we've got him to sit when he eats dinner now as well. His values are largely his own and he understands the need to do well if he wants to progress. I tend to guide now rather than push, correct if he cocks up. It's a work in progress. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Cid Posted May 16, 2013 Author Share Posted May 16, 2013 I have simplified her school reward system. She will now get £10 per week, but £2 will be knocked off for each negative. She has been getting an average of 3-4 negatives, but the other day her weekly total was at 10 negatives. Nothing wrong with rewarding a child with money, it works for adults. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cgksheff Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Yet it does have its limitations, as with adults. As soon as she has 5 Negatives, she has nothing to lose by getting more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
syne Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 What does it take to earn a negative? nvm (re-read thread)seems like it's just the normal sort of stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Cid Posted May 16, 2013 Author Share Posted May 16, 2013 What does it take to earn a negative? Being late, no homework, nail varnish, chatting ect Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halibut Posted May 16, 2013 Share Posted May 16, 2013 Nail varnish? Are you for real? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stranza Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Nail varnish? Are you for real? They have different rules at each scool but nail varnish is off limits at my cherubs learning institution. As are false nails, I suppose varnish being the thin end of the wedge, inch long gaily painted talons aren't really helpful at school. No tattoos, luckily someone outrageously lied and told my little sunshine that the law forbids tattooing on under 18's because HiV and hepititus are pretty much airborne for the growing body. Outrageous. (it may have been me) We have a laminated list, the basics plus addendums, which was supplied to my lambkin by school to head off any ambiguity. I don't stifle his individual style I don't even mention the wind whistling through him like a colander in a gale. He is going up to sixth form (no uniform) this year so I feel for the school. I hope they manage to work into the health and safety rules some of his more excitable outfits. I still agree with school that maintaining discipline, even the small stuff, helps the kids have a stable place where the rules are clear and enforced in which to learn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsb73 Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Hi My daughter is doing well at school, above average, but she gets behaviour negatives. I do reward her gold and silver awards, and then deduct £1 per negative. She is 13 yrs old. I think sometimes I allow her too much freedom. Hi El Cid I have a teenage son, also doing well at school, above average, full attendance and no lateness - and we had quite a prolonged phase where he was getting a lot of 'red slips' for negative behaviour ( they operate a red slip / green slip system and kids get to go on a trip at the end of the year dependent on the reward level achieved.) The system seemed to work against him in some ways and he became very demotivated with it, because they seemed to expect so much of him he would get a red slip for the slightest little thing, from one teacher in particular, yet a very disruptive student with low attendance would get a green slip simply for remembering to bring a pencil and a ruler to school! It was like he had to do something amazing to get a green slip because he was already doing things routinely that other kids were getting green slips for. He gave up trying to get green slips in the end and didn't care about the red ones anymore once he knew he would never have enough green ones to get on the trip. I tackled this by speaking to school about how the system was working and explained how it was very demotivating for some students (including my son) - his form teacher understood exactly where I was coming from and spoke to his teachers. They responded by giving him green sleeps more appropriately and I think the teacher who had been giving him loads of reds actually left at half term so that issue was solved. I motivated him by letting him choose a trip out with a friend - providing there were no more red slip issues before the end of term, and I worked closely with his form teacher who would give me a ring to discuss it regularly. So maybe speak to school and your daughter too see if some of the issues we had are affecting her. Hope it works out ok. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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