Darkman Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 A lot of people have said he needs his family and friends. Good advice, but his only family is his daughter who doesnt live in the area. As for friends, he doesnt have any really, as he is a very private person and doesnt make friends easily. Im really worried about him, he has changed so much since the original split, and this latest episode has made him worse. He is covering it it up but I can see how bad he really is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suffragette1 Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 'Staying friends' never works in my experience, even if the break-up is amicable. It is best to have a clean break and make no contact with your ex. Maybe it is possible to be friends in the distant future but for now it is best to break all ties if possible, it will help with your emotional healing. Like Halibut said, keep in contact with your close friends and family, and find something to do as a distraction. Sometimes it just takes time. Remaining friends can work when the relationship has run its course, there is an amicable mutual separation without any acrimony, in my experience. However, if one party wants more then it is a recipe for prolonged heartache. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anna B Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Hello all, Looking for some advice here, as I think I'm going mad. After being with my partner for 2 years, we got married, soon after, I found out that she was having an affair with someone I knew (and nearly old enough to be her grandad) and had been for over 4 months. We split up, but kept seeing each other, trying to keep it friendly. Needless to say, within a month, we were sleeping together again (she said he had a problem in that dept). Eight months later, we were still seeing each other, and she even took me out for a meal on our anniversary - the next day, I was going abroad on holiday. She spent the night with me, and I took her home before going to the airport. We stayed in touch all through my holiday, and as I was at the airport on my way home, she dropped the bombshell - the relationship we had was over, but she still wanted to stay friends. However, since that, she has been lying to me about everything, and I cant get an honest answer from her. I have now got to the point where im bombarding her with texts etc, never getting a reply - even though she's the one that wanted to stay friends, meet for coffee etc. I must point out that I do still love her, and I know I'm driving myself crazy with this, but I cant stop it. Any advice people, before I do something really crazy ! Thanks in advance. You poor thing. It's an awful thing to experience, but if it's any consolation you won't be the first person it's happened to. I've been there. I would suggest you cut yourself off from her entirely. Even though it will be immensely difficult at first, it will be easier in the long run. As someone said her behaviour is not that of someone who wants to be friends, it sounds more as if she wants to keep you hanging on as either an ego trip or safety net. There's no point in looking to her for answers, although you must be in desperate need of them, if you can't trust anything she says. She sounds pretty mixed up and probably doesn't even know what the truth is at the moment. The hardest thing to do, but most necessary, is accept that it's over, and start to look forwards, not back. Keep yourself busy. Immerse yourself in something useful no matter what it might be. Call on friends to help prop you up through the worst of it, (they will want to help) or join something and make new ones. Your doctor will help if you ask him, (mine was brilliant.) It will take time but eventually there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suffragette1 Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 A lot of people have said he needs his family and friends. Good advice, but his only family is his daughter who doesnt live in the area. As for friends, he doesnt have any really, as he is a very private person and doesnt make friends easily. Im really worried about him, he has changed so much since the original split, and this latest episode has made him worse. He is covering it it up but I can see how bad he really is. You sound like a good and concerned friend. Joining some kind of group with shared interests may help him make friends as well as help fill the void. Keeping busy helps too. My advice would be to delete her contact details from his mobile which will help as he can't contact her when he feels the need (unless he knows the number off by heart of course). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harleyman Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Hello all, Looking for some advice here, as I think I'm going mad. After being with my partner for 2 years, we got married, soon after, I found out that she was having an affair with someone I knew (and nearly old enough to be her grandad) and had been for over 4 months. We split up, but kept seeing each other, trying to keep it friendly. Needless to say, within a month, we were sleeping together again (she said he had a problem in that dept). Eight months later, we were still seeing each other, and she even took me out for a meal on our anniversary - the next day, I was going abroad on holiday. She spent the night with me, and I took her home before going to the airport. We stayed in touch all through my holiday, and as I was at the airport on my way home, she dropped the bombshell - the relationship we had was over, but she still wanted to stay friends. However, since that, she has been lying to me about everything, and I cant get an honest answer from her. I have now got to the point where im bombarding her with texts etc, never getting a reply - even though she's the one that wanted to stay friends, meet for coffee etc. I must point out that I do still love her, and I know I'm driving myself crazy with this, but I cant stop it. Any advice people, before I do something really crazy ! Thanks in advance. Dump her and move on You'll get over her in time. Nobody ever went crazy or died from a broken heart. Time heals Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irenewilde Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Your love is worth someone who loves you too, and every day that you subject yourself to the heartache of trying to get this woman (who clearly doesn't care for you like you care for her) back you're failing your love more and more. You cannot make someone else love you by loving them harder. I've tried this one and I can tell you for certain that that way will gradually drive you to insanity. Either the love is there or it isn't, and in this instance I can say quite categorically that it isn't. Please seek some support and work out how you can let her go, before you are accused of being a stalker. It would help nobody for you to get a criminal record for trying to remain friends with this woman. She's gone- you need to find a way to accept this and rebuild your life. Best and most sensible post on here. Please take this advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bypassblade Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Well said Medusa, to the OP while ever she wants to "stay friends", she is leaving you dangling in false hope, and someone to use when her other interests go wrong. As Medusa says cut all ties through the help of new friends, it may not seem it but there are other fish in the pond. Good luck with it in future, but don't do anything silly that could ruin your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkman Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 The thing is, he was married before, years ago. the split then was very hard on him and it took him a long time to trust people again. Then he met this woman, she did this to him and its totally screwed him up. His wife knew what he had been through before and swore to him she would never do anything like that. Yet she still stood next to him and took her vows, knowing she was already having an affair. I always thought she was a really nice girl, I never thought she could possibly turn out to be like she did. But shes not my concern, the OP is, and he really needs some kind of help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suffragette1 Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 The thing is, he was married before, years ago. the split then was very hard on him and it took him a long time to trust people again. Then he met this woman, she did this to him and its totally screwed him up. His wife knew what he had been through before and swore to him she would never do anything like that. Yet she still stood next to him and took her vows, knowing she was already having an affair. I always thought she was a really nice girl, I never thought she could possibly turn out to be like she did. But shes not my concern, the OP is, and he really needs some kind of help. I don't think that your friend will get the kind of help that he needs on here, to be honest. I would suggest getting some kind of professional help, his confidence and self-esteem are probably really low. This compounds things further and with a low self-esteem one is more likely to stay in dysfunctional and unhealthy relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glamrocker Posted May 17, 2013 Share Posted May 17, 2013 Man up? Were you being ironic? Your saying that and yet you call yourself Glamrocker? Yeah I Glam up ,get rid and move on,Dont you think the original Glam Rockers were able to take care of themselves ?they had to dressed as they did . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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