boyfriday Posted June 14, 2013 Author Share Posted June 14, 2013 Are you absolutely sure about this bit? Only..... well... folically challenged ahem ..I wasn't talking about the hair on my head mortie! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSmith Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 Whilst snoring softly last night, I dreamt I was at Heston Blumenthal's restaurant sampling his unique and tasty morsels. One particular treat was so fresh it was almost alive...but wait, it WAS alive!! I was startled from my slumber by the scramblings of Satan the Spider attempting to rehome in my oral cavity. Satan is the mutha of all arachnids, he has a cavalier attitude to procreation and seems to sire numerous offspring which then torture the life out of me. He's already appeared on Jeremy Kyle and his feckless progeny issued with ASBOs but little challenges their behaviour. Now for those of you who don't know, I f****** hate spiders, in fact I'm so scared of them I can't even vacuum their dessicated carcasses from my carpet after an evening of indiscriminate insecticide spraying. Whilst god may well have invented all creatures great and small, there are none that he can claim paternity for that possess more than 4 legs, in fact the more legs the less godly they are..I guess that places the hitherto humble amoeba now at the top of the food chain..hmm. Don't bother chiding me with "oh, he's harmless"-this is the Devil's spawn and this bed ain't big enough for the both of us!! So my friends, gather round as I introduce you to the Electrifed Duvet Cover (patent pending). It came to me in a hair raising flash having wet the bed with the electric blanket on...expose the wires and put the blanket over the top of the duvet-eureka, spider deterrent!! I shall sleep soundly tonight confident in the knowledge that if Satan tries to squat in my mouth again (ooo-er missus) he'll be incinerated long before he gets there. It also has the added benefit of acting as aversion therapy for overactive drooling. Sweet dreams Speciesist. It doesn't seem very fair that another living creature as to die just because you have an irrational fear of it. Speciesism Human intolerance or discrimination on the basis of species, especially as manifested by cruelty to or exploitation of animals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mort Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 ..I wasn't talking about the hair on my head mortie! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyfriday Posted June 14, 2013 Author Share Posted June 14, 2013 Speciesist. It doesn't seem very fair that another living creature as to die just because you have an irrational fear of it. Speciesism Human intolerance or discrimination on the basis of species, especially as manifested by cruelty to or exploitation of animals. I think (given enough time) that I can prove spiders are not animals, they're life forms from another planet ---------- Post added 14-06-2013 at 20:46 ---------- Yup. And remember that the common house spider can leap huge distances relative to its body size; a quick flex of its eight springy legs and it can aim for any handy orifice within a five to six foot range with startling precision. Thankfully I don't sleep with my bum in the air Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSmith Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 I think (given enough time) that I can prove spiders are not animals, they're life forms from another planet Alienist. Alienism Human intolerance or discrimination on the basis of species, especially as manifested by cruelty to or exploitation of Aliens. Species A group of living organisms consisting of similar individuals capable of exchanging genes or interbreeding. They don't have to come from earth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boyfriday Posted June 14, 2013 Author Share Posted June 14, 2013 Alienist. Alienism Human intolerance or discrimination on the basis of species, especially as manifested by cruelty to or exploitation of Aliens. Species A group of living organisms consisting of similar individuals capable of exchanging genes or interbreeding. They don't have to come from earth. I'll zap em with that Muslamic ray gun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrSmith Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 i'll zap em with that muslamic ray gun! ............. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deaf andy Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 I'll zap em with that Muslamic ray gun! oh, him! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dardandec Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 Sweet dreams and rest assured the spider swallowing theory is just a myth. Good luck with the Electrifed Duvet Cover though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smithy266 Posted June 14, 2013 Share Posted June 14, 2013 <<<spider swallowing theory is just a myth>>> try saying 'miss' with a mouthful of spiders then! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.