Dear Forum... Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 I have a friend, we get on really well, spend lots of time together and like lots of the same things etc.. The thing is, I am starting to develop feelings beyond just friends or close friends, and I don't know how to tell her. I have a worry that if she doesn't reciprocate it will ruin the friendship, so I have the question of, do I tell her and risk the friendship, or do I not tell her and keep what we have? Then, there's the matter of, if I do decide to tell her, HOW do I tell her? There's an age gap of about 10 years (She's younger) but we have talked generally about the age thing and she says that age doesn't really matter to her, and it doesn't really matter too much to me personally, but I worry what other people would think looking in from the outside. Any thoughts? tips? anyone been through similar before? Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
megalithic Posted August 1, 2013 Share Posted August 1, 2013 I personally wouldn't risk losing a good friendship, there's plenty of other fish in the sea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
andygardener Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 +1 for keep the friendship. As described you could come across all wrong if you tried to ge romantic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinz Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 I have a friend, we get on really well, spend lots of time together and like lots of the same things etc.. The thing is, I am starting to develop feelings beyond just friends or close friends, and I don't know how to tell her. I have a worry that if she doesn't reciprocate it will ruin the friendship, so I have the question of, do I tell her and risk the friendship, or do I not tell her and keep what we have? Then, there's the matter of, if I do decide to tell her, HOW do I tell her? There's an age gap of about 10 years (She's younger) but we have talked generally about the age thing and she says that age doesn't really matter to her, and it doesn't really matter too much to me personally, but I worry what other people would think looking in from the outside. Any thoughts? tips? anyone been through similar before? Thanks! That would depend on the strength of the friendship. Falling for someone isn't a sin. If your friend is mature enough..or you for that matter you'll realise this. Before anything can go forward relationship wise there does obviously have to be reciprocal interests. Asking if anyone has had similar experiences will only apply in your case if they are exactly the same as you and your friend...which is very doubtful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
metalman Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 It sounds to me as though the OP is very definitely in that area known as 'The Friendzone' and so all hope of anything beyond that is lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mecky Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 Never have anything to do with people from work. Never have anything to do with people who are married to someone else. Never take someone's partner off them. Never hit a woman. Anyone else is acceptable apart from I personally wouldn't bother with someone in a pub/bar/club Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El Cid Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 I assume that the person is of the opposite sex? If that is the case, I don’t see a problem. If you are good friends, then she may well be reading the signals. Just go to places that people on a date would go to. A ten years age gap is normally my limit too, but as I get older, I think does it really matter that much, within reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MonkeyLover Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 Only you can decide whether to take things further, as everyone is different. As regards the age-gap, 10 years is nothing to worry about at all. We know two couples who have stayed together for years and years, and have been very happy, in both cases there is an age gap of over 20 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willman Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 Personally i think you need to get your own head sorted out first. Either the age gap bothers you or it doesn't. If it doesn't bother you then the opinions of others don't matter,your post indicates you are concerned over other peoples opinions. Do you want the other person as a partner or not? If yes tell them and take the outcome on the chin,if you don't really fancy them and don't have serious issues of separation when apart leave it alone and remain friends. It is normal to become closely attached to a friend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mc55 Posted August 2, 2013 Share Posted August 2, 2013 I agree the age gap doesn't make a difference (although if she is 17 and you are 27 I can see eyebrows being raised) In terms of taking the friendship to the next level, I think you need to sit down and think long and hard about possible outcomes and how you'd feel if the relationship didn't work and your friendship was damaged or lost. What would happen if she met someone else ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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