Dear Forum..Relationship help

[chipspice]

I have a friend, we get on really well, spend lots of time together and like lots of the same things etc..

 

The thing is, I am starting to develop feelings beyond just friends or close friends, and I don't know how to tell her.

I have a worry that if she doesn't reciprocate it will ruin the friendship, so I have the question of, do I tell her and risk

the friendship, or do I not tell her and keep what we have?

 

Then, there's the matter of, if I do decide to tell her, HOW do I tell her?

 

There's an age gap of about 10 years (She's younger) but we have talked generally about the age thing and she says that age

doesn't really matter to her, and it doesn't really matter too much to me personally, but I worry what other people would think

looking in from the outside.

 

Any thoughts? tips? anyone been through similar before?

 

Thanks!

 

ask her if she wants to see a movie with you / go for a meal and see how it goes from there. she might be too scared to make the first move? if you don't try, you will never know. age does not matter at all, i dated a man who was 13 years older than me and neither of us saw it as a problem.

[Chris_Sleeps]

Life is far too short. Go for it - a million fold.

[Waldo]

The most important thing, as a human being, is to express how you feel.

 

How other people respond to that, is their business. Your job is to say what you feel.

 

By the way, I am a sad b******d despicable coward in this regard. Don't be like me!!

[Mecky]

The most important thing, as a human being, is to express how you feel.

 

How other people respond to that, is their business. Your job is to say what you feel.

 

By the way, I am a sad b******d despicable coward in this regard. Don't be like me!!

 

But for most people, what other people think about them matters and shows consideration towards others. You can ignore people (nobody specific in mind) but you can't really live without other people. If you try you will be doomed to a life of misery.

[Waldo]

But for most people, what other people think about them matters and shows consideration towards others. You can ignore people (nobody specific in mind) but you can't really live without other people. If you try you will be doomed to a life of misery.

 

Yes. I completely 100% agree with you.

 

What I mean though, is that we should honestly express ourselves (which we can do in a considerate manner). We shouldn't avoid expressing ourselves because we fear a particular response (e.g. rejection) from whoever it is that takes our fancy!

 

Did that make sense?

[andygardener]

Never have anything to do with people from work.

Never have anything to do with people who are married to someone else.

Never take someone's partner off them.

Never hit a woman.

 

Anyone else is acceptable apart from I personally wouldn't bother with someone in a pub/bar/club

 

just from personal experience that's not a truism.

 

Met my OH through work 18 years ago and we're still happy bunnies so it's not like any relationship that starts at work is doomed.

[Eccentric]

Never get your hopes up and be realistic. I think all this talk of ‘relationships’ should be approached with the greatest caution, as I still have to see proof that they actually exist.

 

What really happens is: you get to know someone and at some point you have to admit to yourself that you feel attracted. But in order for that stage to be reached, you already need to have gone through quite some interaction. Endeavouring to ward off the feelings of endearment, you feel compelled to act in a somewhat distanced way — that is to say, more distanced than you would really like to be. In doing so, however, you solidify your status as a friend or close acquaintance, and it is extremely difficult, if not unattainable, to break free from that state. Thus, when you finally come clear and acquiesce in your besotted mindset, the other person is likely to answer any variety on the template: ‘I am really sorry, but I don’t see how this could work. I just don’t want to hurt your feelings.’

 

There then follows an inexorable embarrassing episode with you turning suicidal and she feeling guilty, the only solution to which will sadly be prolonged avoidance and, eventually, estrangement. For, what you need to realise is: the only way to cope with unrequited, i.e. normal, love is breaking off all contact. It is irreversible.

Therefore, if your friendship is extremely precious to you — and I accept that these kinds of friendship, although rare, really do exist — the aim must be to indoctrinate yourself that the amorous feelings are to be eschewed and neglected. If, on the other hand, you would rather take the chance, then you ought to be aware that the friendship cannot survive. Love is never mutual; it is by definition a unilateral thing, and thus conflicts with friendship, which naturally comes from both sides.

[Agent Orange]

Like others have said, life is too short, so go for it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, as they say. She might feel the same way, but also might have the same anxiety issues.

 

Ask her out, in a nice way, of course and see how it pans out. I mean, what's the worse that can happen? She could say no, but as long as she mature and a good enough friend, I wouldn't expect something like this to break the friendship if she does not feel the same way.

 

Good luck

[Super Hans]

You've been friendzoned man.

 

I think if anything was going to happen you would have been able to sail the friendship into a relationship already, it's not difficult. You know if someone likes you.

 

It's a natural progression, you're friends, you get drunk, if you like each other you'll get off with each other, if you don't, you won't.

 

You need to negotiate it into a night out scenario, if nothing happens after a bit of flirting then you've got your answer.

 

Friendzoned.

[Vague_Boy]

Never hit a woman.

 

Anyone else is acceptable

 

So hitting a woman is wrong but hitting a man is OK?

 

How very progressive and non-sexist of you.