catpus Posted August 12, 2013 Share Posted August 12, 2013 I did have friends I could trust friends from church but I blow my friendship I accused them of taking sides with my ex I tried to reason with them telling them how I feel and that but I do sometimes get a response that's no help to me and they are busy with their life they have a baby of their own and work so that's sometimes a problem coz I do feel like I need to have shoulder to cry on or ear to listen The problem is that as you have already identified.. friends will be busy with their own lives and families... and the advice you are seeking from them or the confirmation of what you are feeling will not always be what you want to hear... but no doubt will be their honest opinions, and sometimes the honest truth is not what any of us want to hear..... so we reject it, believing that we are misunderstood. But in your case, I think it is vitally important that you begin to listen to what the people who are now involved with you are saying... I feel that you may have closed your ears to protect yourself in one way, but then go out and do something that confirms your own low opinion of yourself.... This is what has to change. Is there a Social Worker on your case? Alcoblog makes a valid point about focussing on the good that has happened in your life rather than the bad, although clearly, four of the good things have now been removed, so realistically the dark cloud is not going to lift very quickly. As I said before, the Judicial Process takes a long time....so you need to work out a coping mechanism with whatever support agency you have at the moment...and set out a new direction for your life, because obviously your previous one failed you. Do you take any prescribed or recreational meds at the moment? If you would like to PM me instead of bearing all on here, I will gladly help if I can. I have some experience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babyblueeyes Posted August 12, 2013 Author Share Posted August 12, 2013 hi catus and Alcoblog no i dont have a social worker although my childen does she has said that she will come with me to my doctors to seek threapy that i need, but i have to book an appointmnet to fit around when she can come with me as for the medication side no i dont take any form of medication i was told that if i took anti depresants that it would make me feel worse for 2 weeks then i ll become dependant on them which i ll proberly will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catpus Posted August 12, 2013 Share Posted August 12, 2013 hi catus and Alcoblog no i dont have a social worker although my childen does she has said that she will come with me to my doctors to seek threapy that i need, but i have to book an appointmnet to fit around when she can come with me as for the medication side no i dont take any form of medication i was told that if i took anti depresants that it would make me feel worse for 2 weeks then i ll become dependant on them which i ll proberly will. Then take up her offer and make an appointment ASAP. The sooner you are seen to be complying and making positive steps the sooner your problem will be resolved... It isn't medication you actually need it is Cognitive Therapy to go through your history and get it all into boxes that you can cope with. It sounds tricky, but is very effective. You are well on your way, because you have actually identified what most of your problems stem from? Good luck girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babyblueeyes Posted August 12, 2013 Author Share Posted August 12, 2013 thank you catus and yes i will book an appointment with my docs i do admit i have problems behond my control and it needs sorting coz i cant cope like this anymore, i have been through so much i just want a happy normal life without any hurt, pain or anger or envy or jelousy just pure happiness. ---------- Post added 12-08-2013 at 19:25 ---------- how long does this cognative behaviour threapy lasts i mean how long would it take to complete it that is if i can complete it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catpus Posted August 12, 2013 Share Posted August 12, 2013 thank you catus and yes i will book an appointment with my docs i do admit i have problems behond my control and it needs sorting coz i cant cope like this anymore, i have been through so much i just want a happy normal life without any hurt, pain or anger or envy or jelousy just pure happiness. ---------- Post added 12-08-2013 at 19:25 ---------- how long does this cognative behaviour threapy lasts i mean how long would it take to complete it that is if i can complete it. Hi BBE I don't think you are alone in having the feelings of hurt, pain, anger, envy or jealousy. It is just the strength of the feelings that differ. Happiness is not something that others provide for us. It normally occurs when we are focussing on others, being selfless and giving love unconditionally, then people are drawn to us which gives us a feeling of well being that we call happiness. Cognitive Therapy is just the beginning. It is an on going process, which develops at your pace, stays with you, and is something you can call on all your life. It is what we normally learn as children if we are nurtured in the manner we deserve, which I believe that very few of us would be able to say that we were 100%. But enough to enable us to cope. If you have CB Therapy: •You will usually meet with a therapist for between 5 and 20 weekly, or fortnightly sessions. Each session will last between 30 and 60 minutes. •In the first 2-4 sessions, the therapist will check that you can use this sort of treatment and you will check that you feel comfortable with it. •The therapist will also ask you questions about your past life and background. Although CBT concentrates on the here and now, at times you may need to talk about the past to understand how it is affecting you now. •You decide what you want to deal with in the short, medium and long term. •You and the therapist will usually start by agreeing on what to discuss that day. The work •With the therapist, you break each problem down into its separate parts. To help this process, your therapist may ask you to keep a diary. This will help you to identify your individual patterns of thoughts, emotions, bodily feelings and actions. •Together you will look at your thoughts, feelings and behaviours to work out: •if they are unrealistic or unhelpful • how they affect each other, and you. •The therapist will then help you to work out how to change unhelpful thoughts and behaviours. •It's easy to talk about doing something, but much harder to actually do it. So, after you have identified what you can change, your therapist will recommend 'homework' - you practise these changes in your everyday life. Depending on the situation, you might start to: •question a self-critical or upsetting thought and replace it with a more helpful (and more realistic) one that you have developed in CBT •recognise that you are about to do something that will make you feel worse and, instead, do something more helpful. •At each meeting you discuss how you've got on since the last session. Your therapist can help with suggestions if any of the tasks seem too hard or don't seem to be helping. •They will not ask you to do things you don't want to do - you decide the pace of the treatment and what you will and won't try. The strength of CBT is that you can continue to practise and develop your skills even after the sessions have finished. This makes it less likely that your symptoms or problems will return. I hope this is helpful and gives you something to look forward to. Best wishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babyblueeyes Posted August 12, 2013 Author Share Posted August 12, 2013 that sounds fantastic its the sort of thing i need which i will and can do i just wish i had some support from people that i love in my life although they never there for me, i dont wanna do it all alone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghostrider Posted August 12, 2013 Share Posted August 12, 2013 Cant really say anything more than what everyone else has said. However, you are showing that you are stronger than you think you are, by taking the time to sit and type this, knowing that 1000's of people will see it (even though they have no idea who you are) Stay strong, you WILL get through this. And you are not alone - theres always someone here to talk to... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babyblueeyes Posted August 12, 2013 Author Share Posted August 12, 2013 thank you its nice knowing that i can talk on here i sometimes think that people are a bit you uptight and wont want to chat ---------- Post added 12-08-2013 at 21:29 ---------- and i will try and stay stong but with all obstecles in my way that maybe a problem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catpus Posted August 12, 2013 Share Posted August 12, 2013 that sounds fantastic its the sort of thing i need which i will and can do i just wish i had some support from people that i love in my life although they never there for me, i dont wanna do it all alone. Hi again BBE This is something you have to do alone I'm afraid, for no one else can explain what you have been through or how you feel. The priority now, is to learn to love. respect and forgive yourself. There are no obstacles, except fear of the unknown... which is no obstacle at all in the grand scheme of things. Look at it like you are a baby who can't walk and feel afraid to get up and try, but once you do , you realise there are no limitations to what you can achieve, and wonder why you were ever apprehensive? Chin up, you can do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
babyblueeyes Posted August 12, 2013 Author Share Posted August 12, 2013 right okay so first thing i do in morning is i ring or go to my doctors and book an appointment with doctor to see me to refer me for threapy, would i be on waiting list or would they except me straight away and start? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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