From whence comes our self-esteem?

[Waldo]

Do you think people generally derive a sense of self-esteem; indirectly, through the good opinion of other people (i.e. social acceptance), or is it more to do with something inside of us, something internal, an intrinsic sense of value and worthiness?

[Staunton]

Do you think people generally derive a sense of self-esteem; indirectly, through the good opinion of other people (i.e. social acceptance), or is it more to do with something inside of us, something internal, an intrinsic sense of value and worthiness?

 

Self esteem is one of those qualities that is established in early life, within an environment of positive encouragement, praise and security.

 

Without these positive factors appropriate levels of self esteem are less likely to develop, leading to over or under compensation - an over-demanding personality hiding insecurity, or a personality lacking esteem and therefore less able to engage confidently with others.

[Guest]

Self-esteem is a vital intrinsic core of self-worth that's established as a young child and reinforced, like layers on a gobstopper, through, predominantly, parental interaction in the appropriate nurturing environment Staunton mentions above.

 

The good opinion, or otherwise, of others is less likely to impact upon those with a healthy sense of self-worth; it might burnish it a little, or dull its gloss, but sound self-esteem is essentially a bullet-proof vest for the psyche.

 

If you've been unfortunate enough to be raised in an environment where self-worth wasn't nurtured, where its development was actively hindered, then I've never been convinced that you ever manage to recover it completely, at least not without years of work and some hefty collateral damage. Larkin was right.

[Waldo]

Larkin? Larkin how? Pop Larkin for Darling Buds of May?

 

What is the relationship between say, self-esteem, and, social self-efficacy?

 

If we feel ourself to have a low position in the social pecking-order (assuming this is what self-esteem is), how does that impact on our perception of our ability to socially interact with other people?

 

I suppose it would, very much so, if we anticipate a negative response from other people, that's what we're going to look for, and more than likely find. As if our expectations create our experience. Is that correct?

[Staunton]

... if we anticipate a negative response from other people, that's what we're going to look for, and more than likely find. As if our expectations create our experience. Is that correct?

 

Yes indeed. Once a person's level of esteem has been established, then they are likely to experience feedback from any and every given situation that confirms that 'setting'. A positive individual is likely to encounter an affirmative response from a social encounter, and feel a sense of affirmation, and there is a good chance that a hesitant or unsure person will experience a reflection of that hesitatancy and come away feeling reiforced in their low self esteem.

[Arrr Sez I]

I'm oozing with self esteem channelled from my colossal gigantasize testicles which I wheelbarrow through life.

[Halibut]

Larkin? Larkin how? Pop Larkin for Darling Buds of May?

 

What is the relationship between say, self-esteem, and, social self-efficacy?

 

If we feel ourself to have a low position in the social pecking-order (assuming this is what self-esteem is), how does that impact on our perception of our ability to socially interact with other people?

 

I suppose it would, very much so, if we anticipate a negative response from other people, that's what we're going to look for, and more than likely find. As if our expectations create our experience. Is that correct?

 

Philip Larkin, in his famous poem This Be the Verse 'They f**k you up your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do...'

[Staunton]

Halibut is correct, and there is a good general text by Oliver James called 'They F*** You Up', which looks at esteem issues, among other things, and is well worth a read.

[Waldo]

Yes indeed. Once a person's level of esteem has been established, then they are likely to experience feedback from any and every given situation that confirms that 'setting'. A positive individual is likely to encounter an affirmative response from a social encounter, and feel a sense of affirmation, and there is a good chance that a hesitant or unsure person will experience a reflection of that hesitatancy and come away feeling reiforced in their low self esteem.

 

Thank you Staunton.

 

Yes, I see this, it's like a feedback loop, either positive or negative.

 

If we believe good things about ourself, that's what we expect from other people, or will even interpret their response as positive, where it is neutral etc. The same dynamic applies in reverse. If we believe bad things about ourself (that we're incapable, or unloveable), then that's what we experience from other people.

 

I can see there is a reinforcement feedback loop type relationship between experience and belief. This is just how it is. However, the question is, how does one interrupt this feedback loop, and inject whatever it is we want more of?

[Staunton]

I can see there is a reinforcement feedback loop type relationship between experience and belief. This is just how it is. However, the question is, how does one interrupt this feedback loop, and inject whatever it is we want more of?

 

Because so much of our character and personality is strongly determined by our early environment, it is not an easy task to recondition ourselves. As Hecate pointed out earlier, there are grounds for skepticism - it may be that you never could manage to recover a characteristic completely.

 

However, just being aware of a factor is a big step - and there is a great deal that can be done towards some measure of remedy once we are conscious of a difficulty.