How do you deal with..

[Resident]

...someone who's mental health is deteriorating but refuses to acknowledge that there's an issue?

 

Basically my father's mental health is worsening. Both his parents both suffered from mental health issues, his dad from Alzheimer's before he died and his mum is currently in a care home because her dementia is quite severe now.

 

Now my dad is showing early stages but refuses to address it.

 

This morning was a prime example. We were heading for my sister's house when he began to head for her old address, an address she hasn't lived at for almost a year. When I told him he was going the wrong way he exploded in a tirade of abuse not limited to but including the accusation that we (the rest of the family) are trying to make him look mental so we can get rid of him.

 

Over the last year or so he's become increasingly selfish and abusive. On more than one occasion he's suggested that my mother quits her job so she can stay at home with him.

 

It doesn't help that this time of year is particularly emotionally charged for me as it's the anniversary of my child's death soon and I fear that I'm just going to snap and end up doing him in.

 

Is there a possibility that I can speak to his doctor and raise the family's concerns?

[tinfoilhat]

Difficult to do without having him sectioned - which won't be ideal for anyone. Talk to your gp or even your dads gp if they are different (they shoukd see you) but he really needs to see a gp. Alzheimer's and its many variants manefest themselves in different ways, and the early symptoms may be treatable either with something like aricept or even anti depressants so your dad isn't so aggressive. A call to the Alzheimer's society could prove useful too. Don't try and do all this on your own though, get the rest of the family involved or you'll crack.

 

Hope you get some help, sorry I can't give anything more concrete.

[Resident]

Unfortunately I will be doing this by myself. Mum won't upset the status quo and my sisters don't think of anyone beyond the end of their own nose.

 

Some days I just feel like walking away from the lot of them and starting a new life without them. Today I actually left them at my sisters and walked 16 miles home. It was either that or ruin my niece's birthday.

[tinfoilhat]

Unfortunately I will be doing this by myself. Mum won't upset the status quo and my sisters don't think of anyone beyond the end of their own nose.

 

Some days I just feel like walking away from the lot of them and starting a new life without them. Today I actually left them at my sisters and walked 16 miles home. It was either that or ruin my niece's birthday.

 

This is going to sound harsher than I want it to, but leave them to it. It's not like, by the sound of it anyway, you haven't got your own problems. As long as you've tried to talk to everyone, particularly your mum and dad about the problem in a calm, rational manner, you can't do much more. Your mum is at coal face so to speak and she can deny it all for so long before its impossible to not ask for your help - anyone's help. Social services might be helpful in this situation too.

 

But if nobody wants your help now, bow out gracefully and wait for the call (without saying I told you so) when the situation hits "critical", which it will, or just keep in touch by phone with your mum.

[Resident]

Avoiding it really isn't possible. Due to some unfortunate circumstances I've had to move back home for a short while. This is how I've found out what's been going off otherwise I'd have been none the wiser till it was 'situation critical' as you put it.

 

SS will be useless, given the experience we've had regarding my Nan.

[Maz3]

I would get in touch with sheffield MIND or Age UK Sheffield - both really helpful organisations. They will understand the situation you are in, know the best way of helping your Dad, and give you the advice and support you need.

[andygardener]

Horrible situation and I feel for you resident. SS are no use and getting someone sectioned is all but impossible without a GP having maor intervention, I'd suggest see his GP as a first point of call and see what their view is so you know if you will get any support from the medical establishment or not.

 

Good luck.

[shadow05]

tell him to see his gp or take him if you can

[Rupert_Baehr]

You have my sympathy, Resident. I doubt your Dad needs to be 'sectioned' (and I suspect you would encounter great difficulty and alienate the rest of your family if you tried to go down that route.)

 

From what you've said, your Dad may be suffering from some form of dementia and needs help.

 

Go and talk to his GP.

 

If you take him to his GP, I suggest you talk to that Doctor beforehand and make up a reason (for your Dad) to persuade him to go and see the Doctor.

[medusa]

Can I suggest that you go independently to see his GP without him there initially? The doctor will not be able to share any information with you at all, but that doesn't mean that they won't listen when you share information and worries with them.

 

Then you find a reason, from a routine blood test that he's been putting off (almost everybody has one) to a mole on the back of his neck or his back that you're worried about or a persistent cough/weepy eye/wobble in his hand etc. Get him into the appointment and let his doctor do what they have to.

 

Once his doctor has seen him you can then enquire whether you can be of any assistance with scheduling social services/OT/whoever visits and assessments and make sure that you are notified of any upcoming appointments to make sure that he is in the appropriate place for them.

 

You have my sympathies as my family has been through similar in the last few years. Believe me, GPs are used to discussing patients with relatives with them just listening and questioning and sharing nothing which would breach your dad's doctor patient confidentiality, so I hope that his GP will book you an appointment one afternoon out of standard surgery times so you can have 10 minutes to share your worries with them.